Last week we shared a wonderfully moving account of infertility and how it affected one couple. Today we are sharing the next part of that amazing couple’s story and their decision to adopt. They are kindly sharing their experience of the adoption process and everything that entails, along with the emotions and worries they encountered. Like last week comments will be answered anonymously due to the sensitive nature of the adoption process but please do feel free to ask any questions and our lovely reader will get back to you as soon as possible.

Becoming a family through adoption is undoubtedly the most important decision my husband and I have ever made, but we know it will also be the most rewarding. 



It was so difficult to know where to begin, so I hope this post helps to shed a little light for anybody considering adoption and the process involved.



We got off to a faltering start when we were told that many agencies weren’t taking on prospective parents. For various reasons, which I won’t go into, there were less babies and younger children who needed adoptive parents but lots who were older and in sibling groups. After much research and soul searching, we discovered that our local authority was holding an open evening for prospective adopters of children at all ages; that was our starting point. 



Before we went along, we did as much research as we could. We read as many books as we could and became members of Adoption UK, a national charity who have been a great support to us and really opened our eyes to the whole process. I’d recommend reading the amazing Sally Donovan’s books too, she writes with real honesty and humour about the realities of adoptive parenting and I found her first book No Matter What was absolutely invaluable.



The formal process is split into two stages. Following the information evening, we began our home visits with a social worker, who took us through a number of formal checks, medicals and references. At this point we started writing our Self Assessment. This covers everything about your life; childhood memories, traumatic events, values, attitudes and hopes for parenting. It can be a difficult prospect but by the end of it, you will know yourself and your partner better than you ever have. It can be truly healing to reflect on your life story and your reasons for adopting.



Our social worker worked with us, looking at our strengths and building the report that goes to the decision makers. We attended a group assessment at this stage too, which was as emotionally challenging as it was informative. We were faced with the realities of why children need adoptive parents and the needs that they are likely to have; a real reminder that we have a huge responsibility on our shoulders. We feel so lucky that we met some incredible people at group, who have since become firm friends to share this experience with. 



At the end of all this (usually around 6-7 months), the Social Worker presented a report to a group of people who would make the recommendation for us to become adoptive parents. We then attended a panel where they questioned us on our reasons for adoption. It sounds scary, and in all honesty, it was! We just had to remember that we wouldn’t be taken to panel if we weren’t ready.



It was a few weeks ago now that we attended Panel, and I’m delighted to say we were given a unanimous yes to becoming parents! Our journey is far from over, now we wait for our little one to come into our lives. 

Our child is quite possibly out there now. They may not be growing inside me, but I do know that I love him or her already, we’re preparing our home and saving up the love in our hearts until the day they come into our lives.

Whatever that little one has faced so far, I will spend the rest of my life making sure I can make it better, to be the best Mum I can be and they have the happiest life we can possibly give. 



Three years since our wedding and our journey to becoming parents may not be the one we expected, but we know now that this is how it was always meant to be. I didn’t think I could love my husband any more, but this process has made us stronger, happier and I’m more sure than ever that he is going to be the best Dad in the world. We’re an amazing team, and I can’t wait until that team gets a little bit bigger. 



For us, we felt that IVF held fears, worries and uncertainty. Adoption on the other hand, although still a difficult road to take, is one we have taken with positivity and hope. Only you can decide which road is best for you, and whichever one you choose, it will be the right one. Just follow your heart.



Looking back at my experience of infertility, I know now that I can face one of the worst things that a woman can face and come out the other side with a smile. I’d like to say to any woman going through a difficult time conceiving that it will be okay in the end, whatever happens; and if the worst happens, then you will get through it, I can promise you that. You are not alone.



Our story isn’t quite over, but our happy ending is just around the corner!