Knowing my children could endure bullying is literally one of my biggest fears. Partly because I had to go through it when I was at school and I don’t want them to have to experience anything like that in their life. EVER. But also because I know the detrimental effects it can have on not only their childhood but in their adult life too.
Elliott started secondary school in September and I’ve just completed Joseph’s application for him to start the following September so my fears seems to be ten fold at the moment. That and the fact it’s Anti Bullying Week. The news seems to be awash with more and more devastating reports of young children feeling like there is no way out and taking their own lives. These children all have supportive families but just don’t seem to escape the torment. It honestly breaks my heart.
I’m not naive enough to believe that everybody will get along all the time, but I think it’s important, paramount even, that all children should know the consequences of their actions and be punished accordingly. Bullying should not be accepted as ‘part of growing up’ It is a serious problem that needs to stop.
We all know bullying takes many forms be it verbal abuse, physical violence, online abuse and more besides. I think online bullying scares me the most as the bullies can’t see the reaction of their victim and see how it is affecting them. Back in the day, nobody had mobile phones and very few people had the internet so if you did get into an argument with a peer during school time you could go home and seek relief in the comfort of your own environment. Today it’s different; when you get home the problem comes with you. Bullies can send messages via social media accounts, humiliating you and encouraging others to join in too. It’s just plain cruel.
Elliott has a mobile phone, and Joseph is ever hopeful Father Christmas will bring him one. I’m in a complete catch 22 about them having one. On one hand I want to be able to contact them if they are out and about so I know they are safe, but on the other hand I just can’t bear to think of them being more vulnerable to bullying. So far they have only been allowed to sign up to one social media site which I have the log in for so I can randomly check everything is above board. We’ve chatted about e-safety and they are aware they are not allowed to talk to strangers. I have also made it absolutely clear to them to be aware of what they are posting and commenting on as things are not as easily erased or forgotten.
I have raised both of them to be kind, caring boys and this is as much a priority to me as teaching them to read and write. The thing that would destroy me more than hearing they are being bullied is learning they have been involved in being cruel to somebody else. I have shared as much of my own experiences with them as possible so they are fully aware of the effects it can have. Ultimately I have to trust them to make the right decisions. I dread to think when Anabelle starts Secondary school how bullying will evolve, but am ever hopeful this dreadful behaviour will stop.
With a wonderful community of mothers such as yourselves, raising kind generous little souls I am sure it will.
Has your child been a victim of bullying? Do you worry about the cruelness of our ever-evolving world? Have you been affected yourself? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments box below…
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I agree entirely with your thought about hearing your child was a bully- I would be absolutely heartbroken and so disappointed.
I was bullied in primary school, but my tormentors were actively egged on by a particular teacher, which was horrific. They told my parents to take me to a child psychologist as I was a “little liar” but the psychologist very quickly realised who in the situation wasn’t telling the truth.
My mother says that the worst part was handing over your child, full of love and joy and optimism and being handed back a little ghost. But I imagine seeing your child become cruel and thoughtless would be even worse. But still worse would be seeing your child grow up to be an adult bully, and we encounter those all the time- not least in the news.
Ah Lucy this really breaks my heart to hear that. Teachers are supposed to protect us not actively encourage this type of behaviour. Your mum must have been furious. xxx
I am so sorry you were bullied as a child Lorna and I can only imagine how worried you must be for your children. I think a lot of children go through some form of bullying at some point, even just the name calling is bad enough. Yes, some is just petty childhood games and names but it always affected me a lot more than you would think. I was lucky that I never had worse. I can’t bear the thought of Molly or Alice being subjected to bullying. It would break my heart. xxxx
I know I am more than a little over protective & sensitive to the situation because of my experience. But if they had to feel that upset for even one day I would be mortified. 🙁
Oh the whole bullying things scares me so much.
I have a friend who is currently having issues with her 3 year old (!!) being bullied by boys at a play group. The other mothers reaction was “She’s just being sensitive”.
I think the thing that scares me most is having to to deal with parents who are oblivious (or at worst, encouraging) of their child’s cruel behaviour.
The main thing I try to teach Ethan (even thought he’s only almost three) is to not only treat other people with kindness, but to stand up for himself. I’m not a fan of the ‘hit back’ attitude, but the daycare girls tell me he’s very good at standing his ground and firmly saying “Don’t hit me!” when a child gets rough with him.
In fact, I picked him up today and found him reprimanding another kid “You mustn’t push Zack like that, it’s not nice”. My theory is that by making them aware of social good, they will less likely be the target of the poor children who are brought up to hurt others (as they will unfortunately always exist), and can hopefully stand up against the bullying of others.
Ethan sounds like a good friend to have. What a lovely boy you’ve raised Naomi. That makes me angry to hear that about another Mother. I’d be so apologetic. It doesn’t bode well for that child later in life if their behaviour is being condoned by their parents now. xxx
LOVE the idea of making them aware of social good Naomi – if more parents were present and engaged in their children then I’m sure bullying would be much less. Thanks for writing this post Lorna, you’re so right – there are a lovely bunch of parents out there and making us all more aware of how we can encourage our kids to stamp out bullying is great idea x
Up here in Scotland some schools use a resource called Growing Confident Kids. It’s great in that it gets the child, school and parents singing from the same hymn sheet. The more everyone works together the better it is to prevent bullying from happening in the first place.
Being open and honest about what upsets us is very important. I teach my pupils to answer back to bullies by saying something like “what you’re saying is not very nice and I’m disappointed that you are trying to hurt me/or another”. This usually shocks the bully and they usually don’t have an answer.
The child should always tell the teacher anytime they feel that they are being bullied. The teacher can then respond by creating a whole class lesson to tackle the particular issue. This means nobody is singled out and nobody is thought of as a tell-tale. Hopefully the person using poor behavioural choices will change their attitude towards others.
Restorative approaches are always better and more successful than punishment too.
I wish there was one approach than can tackle bullying but with something so complex, it’s never an easy issue for all involved. The best thing we can do as parents is to set an excellent example to our children. The more we can show compassion, empathy and all emotions, the better.
This really terrifies me. I was bullied at school but I was lucky in so much as I had friends in my village outside of school and a lovely home life. That meant that every day at the end of school and over weekends it just stopped. I was home and safe with people that told me the people that bullied me were jealous and to keep being me. I find it so scary that the world of the internet means it can carry on 24 hours a day and also feels like it has allowed bullying to step up a gear with some of the awful things that people post and possibly people joining in who wouldn’t necessarily bully people to their face.
I just hope I can bring my little girl up to tell me if she has a problem. I always told my mum and dad everything (and still do) and I think it made it easier to deal with, even if they couldn’t always do anything.
Such an important thing to raise awareness about RMF.
Xx