Yep, that was me. I was always the chubby kid. Sometimes angelic, sometimes pretty but always always chubby. It is sadly an enduring memory from my childhood and I remember so many occasions from a young age where people would describe me as the chubby one and my sister as the skinny one. This Christmas my Grandad even kindly announced to Molly as we looked at photos that he always remembers me being ‘The little dumpy one’. That made my Christmas I can assure you.
Most of the names were said in jest and I was luckily never really bullied. The ‘chubby’ comments from family were in an affectionate way I’m sure but growing up I didn’t realise that.
Looking back at photos I’m not even sure I really was really that chubby. Yes, I had a round face and I went through stages of being plump as most kids do but I was by no means massive. A lot of it was my build. I’m quite tall at 5ft 9 which I actually dislike. If I was tall and willowy I don’t think I’d mind but I’m more of the tall and broad build that makes me feel like a bit of a giant wherever I go. It doesn’t help that all my friends throughout my life have always been teeny tiny doll like things. As a child I was always in clothes a good year or two older than I was due to my height and I’m pretty sure I went straight from kids ranges in to size 12.
The reason for this post is not to moan about my weight or nicknames as a child (Although on that note I think ‘Whale Brick’ from my darling cousin is probably the one I remember most!!!) but is more about the lasting impression these things can have on children, even from a really young age.
At a team meeting a while back we were all discussing how concerned we were that our little girls would grow up with body issues or concerns and most worryingly from a pretty young age. It’s quite a scary thought and I hope with all my heart that Molly and Alice grow up happy and comfortable with who they are.
I am definitely aware of how much I took in from a very young age. Being called chubby or podgy and seeing all these other ‘skinny’ people and wanting to be like that. Without going in to too many details my mum has a strange relationship with food and I distinctly remember watching her stand in front of the mirror saying how fat she was and thinking ‘if she’s fat what am I?’. I was about nine and not long after I went on my first diet. I used to take a pitta bread, carrot sticks and apples for my school lunch. It made no difference and to be honest, as has been the same my whole life, I have no willpower. I like food too much!
Despite everything I experienced in the ‘chubby’ stakes I have found myself falling in to exactly the same trap with Molly and Alice and I could kick myself. Molly has always been a teeny tiny willowy thing. All long legs and skinny arms. Alice on the other hand is, shall we say, a little stockier. Her rolls and chubby legs were just the cutest and although she has changed as she has grown up she is still my little cuddly girl. And therein lies my issue. Everyone, including me, always talks about cute ‘chubby’ Alice. She is not chubby, just a gorgeous normal girl and I’m doing what I said I wouldn’t.
I am trying my hardest to not say anything like this around Alice now. I’m also trying really hard not to mention my own weight or being ‘on a diet’ in front of them nor to step on the scales when they are around. Instead they watch me exercise and know that is good for you but also that you can have little treats when you want. Ok, so the treats have been pretty much every day over Christmas but we are slowly reigning that back!
It is so hard in today’s society and even if I do encourage healthy attitudes at home I worry they won’t avoid it later in life and it scares me that I can’t protect them from that.
I wish that I could be one of those people who loves their body and what they look like but I fear I probably never will. I don’t know if the names from my childhood are part of the reason for that or if there is some ingrained genetics. Who knows. I just know that I don’t want my girls to have those same concerns.
So my question to you is do you worry about your children’s attitude to food in regards to weight and how you talk about body shapes in front of them? As always, please do share your thoughts.
I believe in order to teach these values of self worth beyond physical appearance, the importance of values other than beauty and body size, you have to live them and believe in them yourself. Not just hypothetically but actually practice it for yourself. Instead of hiding your habits that contradict the message you want your girls to follow, stop them.
I know it’s not that easy but I once read a useful quote- “treat yourself as you would treat your child.” Would you say to your/a child they look fat/old/ugly? No. Would you tell them to skip a meal to try and lose weight? No. Be kind to yourself, build yourself up. Then you can display the confidence and self worth that your girls will learn from you. Xx
Jess, this is such a lovely sentiment to read and you are so true in every word. I will try my very best to be nicer to myself and hopefully in turn that will show as confidence for the girls. xx
Oh Lottie you are most definitely not a whale brick! (Although that nickname is quite funny in its absolute harshness).
I was always the puny girl with flat hair, glasses, braces and no boobs. So my body image issues came from looking like a cross between Penfold and Su Pollard (according to one girl at school).
I worry for E that despite anything I say or do, she’ll have her own issues and internal struggles with how she looks. I wonder if at age 15 she’ll be throwing on some awful inappropriate outfit and snapping selfies of her heavily – and annoyingly flawless – contoured face or whether she’ll be hiding away her body and worrying that she’s not one of those girls. Which is worse?
I suppose all we can do is our best, give them confidence to be themselves and love their bodies in the healthiest way possible. We can’t protect them from everything but at least we can point them in the right direction.
Hopefully RMF will be around in 10-15 years and we can show them this! xx
Honestly Karen it is a family joke the names he came out with. They were all hilarious in truth and I just remember being in Devon on our holidays when we were about 8 and him coming out jokingly with all these random names. It seems we will probably never be happy whatever our build/look but as you say let’s just give them confidence. Can you imagine if we are still here in 15 years. It will have to be renamed Rock My Teenager!!! x
I had similar feelings experiences growing up and in spite of myself it colours my approach to parenting. Now she is two and her proportions well on the way of evolving from infant to little girl, Fern is definitely on the slimmer side and her body shape is much more like her athletic, slim Dad’s than mine. I often say “she has her Dad’s legs, thank goodness”. I have to admit to feeling a level of relief that she is on the slim side of average versus her peers. But this post is a wake up call to me that I must try and think rationally about this and not allow it to manifest in comments or actions.
I’m not militant but firm about healthy eating, sugary foods are not banned (as I believe that brings a whole other raft of issues) but limited more than perhaps my friends with kids of the same age limit them. I’ve also been quite vehement since Fern could crawl that she would be physically active. I’d never have forced it if she was resistant but thankfully she adores Tumble Tots, toddler gyms and running like the clappers around the park.
The sugar limitation and exercise encouragement can only be good things imo as long as I always ensure it is done without pressure or overt agenda, which isn’t always easy. Thanks for this post Lottie and for reminding me to try and leave my own hang-ups at the door when it comes to my daughter!
Absolutely Pip! I have enough hang ups of my own, the poor kid doesn’t need them to deal with too.
You have such a good approach with Fern and you’ve taught me a lot (probably without realising), she really is a credit to you.
Here’s to strong minds, healthy bodies & wildly running around outdoors ❤❤xx
Morning. It is so hard to stop and think about what you are saying. I call Molly a skinny minnie all the time and actually that is probably just as bad. The girls do exercise lots but probably not enough and I am definitely too free with the chocolate jar. That has changed a bit this year and finally we are getting them to have more grapes than custard creams! I’m sure they will figure out a balance at some point and in the meantime I’ll be like you and just continue to get them out and about and trying new healthy foods. Oh, and telling them they are lovely just as they are xx
Excellent post Lottie. Since having my children I’ve noticed just how much people talk about the size of babies/kids. It’s ridiculous. Both of my children were big babies at birth who morphed into gorgeous chubby infants who then stretched out at toddler age.
Family members have given a constant running commentary on their size/weight since birth and at Christmas I blew my top at my husband’s family and firmly told them not to talk about my childrens’ size/weight, definitely not in front of them and preferably not at all, even if they felt they were being complimentary. Why should I or my pre-schooler care if relatives think they have ‘slimmed down’?! Slimmed down! A three year old!
I’m sure I’m sensitive about this as I too was always labelled ‘chubby’ even though looking back at photos, I wasn’t. I was just tall for my age with a medium build. I don’t want my childrens’ appearance to be small talk fair game so glad (if a little embarrassed!) that I made my point clear R Christmas.
Sorry for the long ranty comment!
And also Lottie – in every photo I see of you I always think you look willowy and gorgeous!
Love a long ranty comment! I have the same from people who often comment that Alice has really slimmed out. I say it myself and and I definitely need to stop. As you say it can’t be good telling a 3 year old they have slimmed down. Keep sticking with your guns and hopefully your little one’s will be super happy and confident xx
I have a vivid memory of being in a ballet class and the teacher screaming at my to “pull my fat stomach in”.
That, together with watching my Mum torture herself with yoyo diets made me hyper aware of weight.
Ive never been happy with my body, and doubt I ever will be, no matter what I actually look like.
I think the key is just to be aware how much attitudes and even a throwaway comment can have a permanent effect on children.
Oh gosh Sarah. That is terrible. I just don’t think people realise how much it affects kids. You sounds very similar to me and although I hope to be confident and happy I’m not sure I can change that now. Let’s keep trying though xx
Hi Lottie, I can totally resonate with this post! I was always the chubby one growing up, and it didn’t help that my best friend was (and still is) very petite so I too always felt like a giant.
Luckily my Mum has always had a very positive attitude to body shape, and this attitude really helped her 10 years ago. She was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer in the jaw bone (only 10 people in the world at that time had been diagnosed before, none of them survived). To cut a long story short she dropped 4 dress sizes in 3 months – had she been very small to start with I very much doubt she would have survived. This very much taught me to love your body no matter what size it is. Yes most of us could make an effort to be healthier, but hating the way you look is a different kind of unhealthy.
My Husband is very slim and can eat anything and never put on weight and I think my little girl has inherited his shape as she is all legs. But, even if she had my shape, I would teach her to love her body (lumps and bumps and all) because it can still do amazing things and hopefully if you love it and look after it, it will do the same for you!! Xx
Danielle so sorry to hear about your mum but so so happy to hear the ending to it. It definitely makes you think about things. The attitude of loving your body is one we all should adopt. Thank you xx
Spot on timing as my toddler told me yesterday “Mama fat.” I was horrified. Not because of the words- I’m very pregnant so yeah, big tummy- but because she said them. Then I realised we had just been reading A Piece of Cake where Mrs Large puts the whole family on a diet. And it made me question so much- should I have read this? How do I speak about my body in front of her? I’m 5ft 9 and “athletic” in build which basically means I’m built like a cart horse with wide shoulders and ahem, strong legs. She used to come running with me (running pushchairs are amazing!) and I just hope that like you, exercising and being sensible with my own food will set a positive example to my girl- I just need to watch my language more.
I do think there’s an elephant in the room of this post and convo though- the rates of child obesity. My godson is very large and though I would never dream of saying anything to him or his parents it affects his quality of life and I imagine other children don’t share my qualms. What do you do when your child isn’t just solid or chubby but obese? Especially when you can’t see it, as research has shown most parents can’t. Would love to see a post from a child nutritionist or parent in that situation.
That Mrs Large has a lot to answer for! It’s so hard to watch what you say when so much of our daily life is, rightly or wrongly, taken up with what we eat/wear/look like. I also think that is an excellent idea for a post and one I will definitely look in to. As you say you never do see it yourself and it is very easy to fall in to the trap of not really noticing what they are eating or how much. xx
Well done for writing this Lottie. I do notice from your posts that you are particularly sensitive about your body shape and looks (both unnecessarily!!), and it always strikes a cord with me as i think we are quite similar. I do tend to beat myself up over the way I look and have been miserable at times over my weight (baby weight and some more has crept back on since returning to work). I tend to use humour to disguise it and slag myself off in company (heaven forbid that people think that I think I look good!!) which is definitely something I get from my mum. I have an 18 month old daughter and I hate to admit that I love it when people comment how beautiful she is… But then I follow it up with “she’s a chunky girl!” Absolutely hate myself for this. I could write an essay of a comment about how I feel about this, but I just wanted to say thank you for the post. One of the commenters above said that in order to teach healthy values to your children, you have to live and breath them yourself. And I seriously need to work on this PROTO before my little girl catches on to my shitty attitude 🙁
Thanks Lottie X
*PRONTO (maybe need to work in my spelling too lol )
Morning Maddy. Thank you so much for your comment and you are probably right. I am the same as you and generally always put myself down as I massively lack self confidence and always have. Ask me to stand up in a room of people and present an important creative pitch and I have no problems as work wise I am happy and confident but ask me to walk in to a party and I’m constantly wondering how I look and whether I’ve worn the right thing. Honestly, we need to give ourselves a kick up the backside don’t we? xxx
I could actually have written this post. I was chubby one, I watched my mum pull herself apart despite being an absolute goddess and have yo yo dieted my whole life. When my little girl came along I decided that I wanted to change my attitude toward myself and food but have been finding it really hard to change the habit of a lifetime!
My little girl, Agnes, is very slim and I also always say ‘thank goodness she has her dad’s build’ – it’s only just dawned on me that is another way of picking myself apart.
This year I had my second baby, a little boy. He is so very different and has been labelled the chubby one. With him being a boy I guess I hadn’t thought about this and have just let it happen and we all join in. Of course it’s an affectionate term but this post has completely opened my eyes and reminded me of how I used to feel hearing those terms as a kid – it is something I’m going to nip in the bud.
I have recently started reading the Goddess Revolution by Mel Wells, as was recommended it by a friend when taking about how I don’t won’t to pass my poor attitudes towards myself and food onto my babies. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is a sucker for yo yo dieting and problems with self image. It is definitely helping me turn this around. I still have times where I’m not so good at being nice to myself but I am becoming more conscious of it and I really hope that any battles that my babies have with their self confidence in the years to come, and I’m sure they will have them in the world we currently live in, I won’t be the cause.
Hi Gemma. You sound just the same as me with the constant (unsuccessful diets). I am so happy that you are managing to try and change your view of yourself and I am off to order that book right now. Hopefully I can get my attitude to myself and food sorted out before the girls pick up on it. Here’s hoping anyway xx
I was always the shorter stockier one and my sister the tall slim one when we were younger, and have stayed the same as adults. When we were little my sister used to sing songs about my chubby little arms – in an affectionate way – but I swear that is one of the reasons I hate my arms so much now, I have always known them as chubby since I was very young. My arms are now the first thing I look at when I see a photo of me despite everyone else saying they are perfectly in proportion to the rest of my body. I think this shows that it can stick with you later in life.
My sister however gets offended if people call her skinny, she dislikes it as much as I dislike being called chubby. I will never forget the day she came home from work (part time waitress in a pub when she was about 14) and the boss had said she looked like an ironing board, flat with no shape. She was so upset and angry that someone thought it was ok to say that to her.
It seems that we will never be happy whatever we look like and it’s not so much the ‘chubby’ thing but more everyone else’s perceptions around shape and how they feel it is acceptable to comment on it. I am still the same as you when it comes to photos but looking for a double chin or a sticky out tummy (obviously worse since kids!). We need to give ourselves a shake I think and try and see what others see. xx
I worry about this too. I’m also 5’9 and broad, my husband is 6’6 and broad (i also always had petite friends and I only dated really tall guys to feel more feminine!). We have 2 gorgeous daughters who are top of the centile charts in height and weight and will likely be over 6′. Both are slim but broad. People comment on their height constantly and think they’re older than they are (my 3yr old wears age 5-6 clothes; 7 month old is in 12-18m). I do worry that they will lack confidence like I did so I’m going to try to drill into them how lucky they are to be tall and strong. But it’s hard as I hated it so much myself!
Being tall isn’t much fun is it?! Mind you no one ever seems to be happy. My short friends all want to be taller. Sounds like your girls are definitely going to be super tall and hopefully you can instil that confidence in them. xx
I’m going through this with my youngest girl who is also a beautiful Lottie!! She is 6 and I believe she’s going to be talk like daddy who’s 6.3! She I is always being told how BIG she is compared to her 7 year old scrawny brother!! But she’s starting to ask when will she not be Fat anymore and it crushes me inside!! I never show her this and simply explain everybody is different but she is outstandingly beautiful!!!!
Oh Sam, I think I would cry is the girls ever asked me that. Keep telling her how amazing she is and and big hugs to you xx
This is all on my mind A LOT. Working in self esteem with teenagers I’ve occasionally led sessions with mums and one of the main things that has dawned on them as we’ve been discussing the pressures our children face is just how much they put themselves down in front of their children. Children do really notice everything we do so I feel constantly challenged about how I speak about myself, how much time I spend getting ready. If I criticise my body then I’ve just taught my kids they should be doing the same about theirs. If I can’t leave the house without an hour make up routine because otherwise ‘I look dreadful’ then what hope do my beautiful girls have?
Having said that I’m all about educating and as some have commented above – there is on obesity issue. Since a very early age we’ve tried to teach our children what food does… If they didn’t like the taste of a particular vegetable we would look it up in the Food Dr book and find out what its useful for. (My daughter taught herself to love onions all because she read they were good for asthma sufferers.) As they are getting older I’d be naive if I thought weight never entered their heads. My eldest is in secondary school now and witnesses enough nasty comments every day, then she goes to dance class 4 nights a week and stands next to girls between 3-19 all in leotards. Body awareness is not something we can avoid. If my daughter says she is worried about weight we look at what she’s doing to get up to that day and look at her best food choices for that. She knows an extra bowl of porridge when she gets in from school is going to be a better choice than a piece of cake when she’s got three hours of dancing ahead of her… as it needs to keep her well fuelled. This is age appropriate for a 12 year old of course but even with my 2 year old I do try to teach her that her breakfast will make her tummy happy right up until snack time but a biscuit only tastes nice for fun and doesn’t help her tummy out enough (and often sends her a bit silly in the head). I suppose the emphasis is how they feel, as in do they have enough energy? Not – are they looking a bit chubby?.
I’m not a fan of nicknames and think you are completely justified Lottie to feel a bit sensitive! I don’t know anyone who isn’t effected by ‘affectionate’ name calling. I don’t think those words every really leave you do they. Xx
Nicely put Amanda ?
Amanda this comment is great – I am definitely taking this approach with Elle. I always try to explain things to her, even if she doesn’t quite yet understand, but I’ve not really applied it to food for some reason?! Thank you xxx
Thank you Amanda. As always you have exactly the right attitude and the most wonderful way of looking at things. Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mum xx
Ahh such a worry like you say, particularly with girls. I have a little girl and I will never comment on her body shape / weight to her, except to say positive things. I tell her she is beautiful and perfect all the time. I think comments from childhood really can stick in your mind and affect you a lot – I vividly remember my dad commenting on my tummy being chubby when I was about 8 maybe, before that moment I had never given a thought to my body or appearance and I still remember the crushing feeling of shame and embarrassment when he made that throw away comment! I’m sure he meant nothing by it but it has stayed with me. My parents are wonderful but throughout my life they have both made the odd comment about me gaining weight etc (I’ve never been bigger than a size 12-14 but my mum is naturally very slim!) and it really has crushed me at times. I will never do that to my daughter, I want her to feel that I think she’s beautiful no matter what. Like you say they will get these influences from elsewhere as they get older so I feel like parents need to be the ‘safe place’ where a child is built up to be as confident and secure as possible! x
Thank you so much for your comment Sarah and I am so aware now of how even small playful comments like your Dad’s can have a lasting impression. It scares me how much our little one’s must be absorbing without us even realising. I think you have exactly the right attitude and one I will try my best to use myself x
What a great post Lottie – thanks for being so honest. I had the same constant name-calling as a kid only sort of the other way round – but it does stay with you whether you like it or not. I was always “petite” but this was constantly touted as “so skinny! Don’t you eat?!” by family and peers. I was a very late developer – I didn’t need bra until I was 16/17. I was called Lollipop (because I had a stick body and a round moon head stuck on top!) and I remember a particularly humiliating experience when I was about 14, a boy at a bonfire night party shouted to everyone “Charlotte is a workmans best friend! She’s as flat as a bench!”. I spent most of my teens thinking I basically had a boys body and would never be feminine and curvy.
Ironically on the other side of the coin my Mum would constantly tell us (my sister and I) how tiny she had always been (always quoting very low weights and raising eye brows that we were a good stone heavier). I don’t know why she felt the need to do that, but I’m sure as hell never going to inflict that on Mabel. I’m hyper conscious that she is at an age (nearly three) where she understands so much more than sometimes I give her credit for. However it’s easier said than done and some things are said in jest/as terms of endearment without even realising. Just the other day James patted her (impressively round) tummy and said “that’s all paid for that Mabel!” to which she laughed….but in the not too distant future she might think it’s a negative, or God forbid, that she eats too much. Which of course she doesn’t – she is a very active little girl who loves her food.
Anyway I’m waffling, finding all of this feedback from the community really interesting. x
Charlotte my mum has always done this too! Why?! I don’t understand it but it’s definitely potentially damaging to a daughters self esteem! A few years ago I put on a bit of weight and went on a diet to try lose it and my mums version of being supportive to that was to dig out bikini photos of herself at my age and show me how thin she was!! Suffice to say I felt like I was big fat (literally) disappointment to her. Maybe she thought it would be inspiring to me?! x
Really interesting post! You may already be aware, but the Be Real campaign (a joint effort between YMCA and Dove) launched some new research this week looking at body confidence in young people, which is quite an interesting/scary read.
I’ve included a link so you can take a look if you’re interested:
http://www.ymca.org.uk/research/somebody-like-me
Such an important topic to discuss! x
Thanks for the link Claire, will take a look x
I’m finding the focus on “little girls” here a bit bizzare. Body image is as much of a male issue as it is female.
Secondly, I cannot believe the comments on here about being proud or pleased that children are at the taller thin end of the spectrum or lighter than their peers. So many issues that need addressing that I cannot COPE. Anyone that knows anything about nutrition knows that weight is not an accurate measurement of obesity – that’s why most personal trainers use other methods of scale. I’m not for one moment suggesting that a child should be pincered by one of those fat measuring machines but can we just STOP measuring by BMI and weight alone?
Children all go through periods of growth. Sometimes they are bigger than average then they stretch out. But surely the whole point of the percentile charts is that they are exactly that, a RANGE. I find health visitors increasingly steer children towards the centre ground when their own genetics may mean they are taller or shorter or heavier or lighter than average. That is an issue that needs to be addressed nationally.
This post and comments have infuriated me on so many levels I need to go and calm down. I know after last week’s comments about stepping away from shopping posts and having some harder hitting articles, its probably good that the post is raising discussion and debate but JESUS I cannot BELIEVE…GAH.
I actually think that you’re agreeing with more people here Rebecca than you might think – and I am totally agreeing with all your points! It’s not just girls and bmi is naff.
I think one interesting things is the impact that parents comments had on our options of ourselves – either big or small.
Hopefully now the 80s is over and we seem to be moving towards a Fit rather than Skinny ideal our bubs might have a more well rounded approach to nutrition rather than fat vrs sugar and all that jazz ?
Wow I didn’t get this impression at all from the post/comments. To me it seems like lots of people are just trying to be honest about how they feel about their own bodies, how much this is based on our own childhood experiences, and how these feelings can impact our parenting.
I don’t think anything I have read suggests people really care whether their children are taller/shorter, skinnier/chubbier, it’s more about how we shouldn’t pass on our own preconceptions – which we can’t really help having, growing up in a society so obsessed by weight and body image and unrealistic expectations of the perfect female form – on to our kids, and recognising that unfortunately we sometimes fall into the trap of doing just that, because we’re not perfect!
Of course everyone is entitled to an opinion but I worry that this kind of slightly unkind/ranty opinion might really discourage people being honest in the future for fear of being judged…
I don’t have kids yet, but I definitely have a whole host of body hang ups so I’ve found this post really interesting and informative for when I (hopefully) do in the near future. Thanks Lottie + contributors.
Jenni, I was going to reply to Rebecca’s comment… But you pretty much just summed up everything I wanted to say.
Not sure what is to be angry about. I’ve loved reading everyone’s personal experiences in the comments and as a mother of a little boy, I didn’t feel left out of the conversation at all!
As per Naomi’s comment, I too am a mum of a little boy and I found this post and the subsequent comments incredibly interesting and enlightening rather than feeling as I’d been left out of the conversation. I think the points being made by both Lottie and all the commenters are equally valid for both sexes and worth bearing in mind regardless of whether you have boys or girls or both. I was the ‘skinny’ one in my family and my sister the ‘chubby’ one and being characterised in our respective ways has had an effect on both of us…to the point I considered having a boob job when I was 18 because I was so conscious of how flat chested I was. Whilst I didn’t in the end, I felt body conscious for years and this is something that still lingers at the back of my mind on a daily basis. Certainly not something I want to pass onto my own children regardless of their sex. Thanks for such a wonderful post today Lottie; it’s given me food for thought anyway.
The focus is on little girls admittedly – but surely that’s because Lottie was one, has two little girls herself and from what I can tell the majority of us commenting are also women. The same potentially harmful body image issues will obviously effect little girls as much as they would boys.
I whole heartedly agree on the weight measurements with regards obesity, there is clearly more to health and wellbeing than that (and BMI)
I’ve found this post and the feedback really informative and interesting – it’s given me a lot to think about. x
I hadn’t particularly picked up on the focus being girls, I read it more that comments just happened to be about their own childhood experience as a female, or that they happen to be parents to girls, but you are right that is certainly is as much an issue with boys.
Interestingly, something I’m always baffled by is the way nicknames are used so different between groups of girls and boys. Something I’ve perceived is, generally speaking, girls tend to internalise a nickname, not draw any attention to it but often it becomes the cause of insecurities …or else the motivation to fight against it and prove it to be wrong. Its only on a rare occasion girls will admit it to others and its a vulnerable thing. Boys on the other hand seem to be far more accommodating and accept a negative nickname as part of their identity. Both can be equally as damaging. I know a male CEO of a huge company who is still known by a nickname given to him to describe the size of his willy at one family bath time when he was about 3. Why should anyone else know this??! Thankfully this hasn’t held him back in his career but I do see teenage boys all the time suffering with such terrible self worth and quite often the names they are known by, and refer to themselves as, are just horrid. 🙁
Elle is just two so we are not quite at this level of body awareness yet, but it’s something I’ve worried about in the past, as like so many people, I have body hangups from things my Mum used to say/do. I’m determined to follow the advice above, both for myself and for Elle. Thank you all for commenting and raising such interesting points! Love a good RMF discussion 🙂
And Lottie, I’m always envious of your long legs! You are most definitely willowy xxx
Ah, thanks Fern. These mums have a lot to answer for. Hopefully our kids won’t say the same about us! x
Lottie, this was such a great post and the comments were almost as good a read.
It always amazes me just how much crap we give ourselves and each other as women. Hopefully the next generation of little girls know better!!
That said, my wee boy was born quite a big baby and ever since then has been talked about in various ways as ‘the big lad’ in the family (even though he no longer really fits that bill). I often wonder if he absorbs this and if it could have any negative effects. I hope not!
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all stopped worrying and commenting on the size and shape of each other? It’s all to common in our society I feel. And I’m not too sure what purpose it serves to be honest.
Thanks Naomi. I’ve really enjoyed the comments too as it’s always so good to see everyone’s thoughts on these sort of matters. It would definitely be nice if we stopped commenting on these things, it would be wonderful. Let’s start working on it now! xx
I’ve also been known as the chubby one and my mum has always been very concerned with my apperance and my weight. I found out I was pregnantp a few weeks ago and one of the first things my mum said to me after telling her I was producing her first grandchild was “now darling you don’t need to eat for two. You don’t want to put on too much weight, it’s very difficult to lose after you’ve had the baby”. I had a bit of a crying meltdown about this last night as I am having to eat all the time to stop feeling nauseous and exhausted 24/7. I know she feels like she is doing me a favour but it has taken me years to have a good relationship with my body.
Because of this I am going to try my damn hardest to make my child feel comfortable and happy in their body and to really impress on them that it doesn’t matter what others think.
Oh my gosh Jenny, my mum said almost the same thing when I was pregnant. “Most people think you need to eat for two. You don’t”. It was obviously meant to be helpful but, like you, when all I wanted was mashed potato or digestive biscuits it wasn’t what I needed to hear. But more importantly CONGRATULATIONS on your amazing news xx
Great post, it really got me thinking and have just sent the link to my husband to read because I really think we need to be more aware of what we are saying/ doing in front of our two (4 and 2)- -a boy and a girl and I think all the discussion has been just as relevant to both, without it been spelled out that it applies to boys aswell- it’s been great to just pick out the useful info. Not to say that we aren’t already and we have always tried to encourage a healthy relationship with food and exercise however you right that in that what we hear when we are young going does stick with you, and I’d never really considered it that closely before, espicially the flippant comments. I’m also going to be more aware of what family are saying and have the confidence to say politely not to talk about it in front of the kids because they do take in more than I give them credit for sometimes I’m sure. Thanks again. It was really food for thought.
I love that you have sent this to your husband Sally and that it has got you thinking about what you say in front of children. Sounds like you are already on the right track with the healthy eating xx