Choosing Your Birth Partner

Lottie Manns

Who do you trust to put a cold flannel on your face or to not take offence when you swear like a trooper at them? More importantly who do you want to see the not so pretty, but amazing, sight of your baby being born. It’s got to be someone very close to you that’s for sure.

When I was expecting Molly I was always pretty certain on who would be with me on the day. There was never any question that Edd would be there with me and I would imagine that for most of you having your partner there is the obvious choice. I knew that I would want him to be there for the birth of our children and I can’t imagine otherwise. It was always just a given that he would be there for that amazing moment.

However, Edd wasn’t the only one I had with me as I also asked my mum to be there. Again, it was something I always thought would happen and even Edd presumed she would be. I’m very close to my mum and she’s the one I turn to for everything so I knew she would be of great support during labour.

I didn’t do any birth classes so none of us had to sit there practicing breathing together. This was partly because I didn’t want to but also because Molly arrived early before I had the chance to. If I had I would think that would just be Edd and I rather than my mum. Having had four kids herself I’m pretty sure she knew what was going to happen!

On the day I loved having both Edd and my mum there. Let’s be honest, I could have a good old natter to mum about nothing in particular. She bought an endless supply of home magazines and we planned decorating schemes. Mum is also a trained reflexologist so I had some wonderful treatments, the midwives were very jealous! I will add here that I was induced with both labours so I had plenty of sitting around. Due to this it also meant that it could get quite boring as we spent the whole day waiting for the drip and then the contractions to kick in.

Having two people with me had some practical benefits too. One of them could easily leave the room for a drink, snack, little walk without leaving me on my own. I know this was helpful to both of them. It also meant that when I was waiting to be induced with Alice that Edd could pop home to see Molly, who was with Grandma. Oh, and pick up the bag of snacks we had left behind!

As labour kicked in I found having both of them there really calming. I’m not one for lots of brow mopping (Edd might have had the odd whack as he tried!) but he was there to hold my hand and mum, as always, knew what advice to give and how to help me through it. Neither tried to interfere or be too full on and that is exactly what I needed. The fact that they know me so well is exactly why I wanted them there.

Together we got through it and I made exactly the same choices when little Alice was making her arrival 18 months later.

It’s such a personal choice who you have with you when you go in to labour but believe me, you will need all the support you can get. Who did you choose to have at the birth?

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Lottie loves teaching her girls to be cake baking and crafting supremos. It may be messy but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Follow Lottie on instagram @buttercreamanddreams

2 Comments. Leave new

It sounds like Edd and your mum did a brilliant job and it’s lovely you could share the experience with both of them. When I gave birth to my first I was surprised to discover that I actually just wanted to be alone during labour. I stayed at home labouring on my own in our bedroom until I was fully dilated and even when we got to the hospital I found having the midwives in the room quite annoying. My lovely husband knew by that point just to silently sit and watch. I didn’t want him to miss seeing his baby being born but I didn’t want any chat, back rubbing or handholding. We were only at the hospital a few hours before the baby was born but he still said he got pretty bored (he would not have coped well with a 24+ hour labour). With my second I was induced and I think
I was probably the only person on the ward who arrived for their induction alone (my husband dropped me off and went home and painted our living room and mowed the lawn). I was lucky enough to have a quick labour and I was completely alone until 20 mins before the baby arrived when the midwife came to check and realised I was in labour. Thankfully my husband made it to the birth with five mins to spare. We both said that for us it was the perfect scenario. I got to be alone and he didn’t get bored!

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I considered having my Mum there when I gave birth both times but in the end I found there was a sort of three stage situation with my labours. From the start to transition my husband was amazing, rubbing my back and talking me through it. During transition I wanted to be left well alone by everyone! And during the actual delivery I was 100% focused on the midwives. My labours were pretty quick so think it worked best in the end just to have my husband there as he didn’t take offense when I abruptly told him to sit down and pipe down when I reached a certain point in both labours!

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