A little while back I explained the timing of my second pregnancy meant I returned from maternity leave already pregnant. Not exactly on plan. This was also the point that I knew I wouldn’t be able to return to work after having Alice. It wasn’t an easy decision but one that I knew quite quickly I would be making. Let me explain why.
At the time I had Molly I was Account Director at a big Ad Agency and I loved it. It was what I had always wanted to do (very sad I know) and I loved the buzz and creativity. Granted, I didn’t love a lot of the pressure and stress but then who does? Over the years I was very lucky to have worked on some fantastic brands and big campaigns.
The Original Plan
After having Molly I returned to work four days a week. My mum very kindly had Molly two days a week and she was going to go to nursery for the other two. This massively helped with finances so I am ever thankful to my lovely mum. I was also going back on a different account which would be easier in terms of workload.
The Change Of Plan
Then I found out I was pregnant again. That kind of changed things. As it was, I was only going to have six months back at work.
The Finances
The biggest worry was finances. Both whilst on maternity leave and the longer term implications. I had zero time to save up and it was abundantly clear that two under two in nursery wasn’t really an option. Although I would have been left with some money each month, in truth it didn’t seem enough to warrant me working four days a week. I’d rather have gone without to be able to be with the girls. I know this isn’t an option for everyone but I suppose I thought we could manage without the money.
I knew I would need a new job of some description and that prospect was hard. In my industry that was nigh on impossible. I even contemplated Waitrose. Anything that would give me a bit of money. Plus surely discounted food shopping would be good?!
The Loyalty
Then there was my sense of loyalty. I had worked at the company since leaving university and the people who I had to tell I wouldn’t be retuning were those that had employed me in the first place. I also knew I was going to miss everyone terribly.
The Decision
In my head I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant again that I wouldn’t be returning but of course didn’t tell them that. If I had been able to return on less days then it may have been an option but then the nursery fees still would have been the biggest issue. I also had to consider the fact that Edd worked away a lot and silly long hours so there was no chance of me being off at early meetings or away on shoots. In short, I wouldn’t be able to give them the commitment they needed and really wouldn’t have wanted that.
The New Job
Sometimes fate plays a hand in a lot of things as I was to find out. When Alice was one month old I dropped some post round to my old tenant. I had always jokingly said that I’d do his marketing for his baby company at some point in the future. Fast forward a few months and I was working there two days a week whilst mum had the girls for me. I really enjoyed the job but knew mum was struggling with a 9 month old and a 2 year old. Then fate struck again.
The New New Job
Whilst all this was going on I had been carrying on making Wedding Cakes and had done a few shoots for some people called Rock My Wedding! Fast forward a few more shoots and after chatting to Charlotte (read hounding her) It just so happened that they needed an Account Manager so I mentioned I didn’t just bake cakes and it kind of went from there. Cue much badgering and here I am. I couldn’t be happier and adore working here. Who wouldn’t?
I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes the decision is made for you and although it may seem scary things will work out. Some may say I’m lucky to have found new roles but I also believe you make your own luck. Grab every opportunity and ultimately do what works for you and your family. So long as everyone is happy it’s all good.
Great post Lottie. For some reason returning to work has been playing on my mind recently. I’m only 4 months in to 12 months of maternity leave so it’s not that it’s imminent just yet so I’m not sure why it’s been bothering me. I work as an Account Manager for an IT company. A job I enjoy in an industry I’ve worked in for over 15 years. However days were long plus I had over an hours commute each way using a very unreliable train company. When I fell pregnant I assumed I’d go back full time after 1 year of leave but now my son is here I just don’t think I could. I just can’t imagine working as I did before – I’d never see him. But giving up a career I’ve built for so long is also hard. I’ll need to work for financial reasons but also for my own sanity I think. And then I also start thinking about stuff like my pension too-what will happen to that if I reduce my hours or change jobs altogether. I’m lucky I’ve got time to hopefully figure it out and that I’ve got some degree of choice.
Love this post. Oh how my world has changed in ways I could never imagine in the last 4 years. Some good, some not so good. Reading this has given me a bit of umph to believe in myself and my abilities a bit more. It’s very easy when you become a mum and challenges present themselves to forget who you are and what you once achieved! Xx
Definitely believe in yourself, you can do anything! Hope things are all good with you 🙂 xxx
It’s such a tough one Sophie but hopefully you can use the next few months to make the right decision for you. Long commutes, long hours and little ones are a difficult combo. Just know that whatever you decide will be the best thing for you and your little family. xxx
This is so freaky…so timely!
I am contemplating setting up a new small business to enable me to work from home to not have to spend 13 hours days four days a week away from my new young family!
Issue is one due to maternity leave startup money for the business is non existent, need £2000, which is not a huge amount but will take time to build up when working with nursery fees. I also want another child next year which would be two kids 2 years and 0 so nursery would be impossible so now contemplating putting off having another child for money and work when really what is life all about? It’s a hard one!
But determined to do it so will hopefully only to back to work briefly!
You can do it Jill! You will find a way and hopefully it will all work out for you and your little one (or ones!!) xx
Hi Lottie, I’m so pleased that you’ve found a path that is equally rewarding and fun! I also work in the ad industry and long story short re-located back to the UK from NYC at 6 months pregnant and had no transfer. After picking up a three month contract to see me through to 9 months much easier than I thought, I have used this moment in my life to think about what I want to do. So many inspirational podcasts (I love the Jess lively show) have commentators say that they took a leap of faith when life served them something – redundancy, new life stage… As examples. I think my no transfer was my juncture. So I’m now in the throes of setting up my own consultancy that allows me to do what I love and what I’m good at, in a new way. If anyone is looking for help in creative workshop facilitation… Check out http://www.chickeneggdinosaur.com 😉
Projects are coming in slowly after updating my linked in and word of mouth (always the best form of advertising, hey!) – I feel really positive about making the leap and will pick up contract work here and there to help with cash flow as my consultancy builds momentum. In today’s society, specialisms and expertise are sought after, you have to know your own value to know how you can leverage it, is what I keep telling myself!!!
Good luck to all the other new mums out there taking their own leap of faith
Xx
Hi Nicola. That is so exciting and well done you on making the jump. It will be amazing having your own business and I’m sure it will do fantastically well. Very jealous of you being in NYC, must have been amazing but hopefully you can use all the expertise (and multi tasking!!) that the ad industry throws at us to make your new venture a huge success. Biggest congrats on take the big jump. xxxx
Lottie, such a great post. I too had a short gap between my children and faced similar problems to you. I work in TV production (read: long hours and v demanding) and strictly speaking was a freelancer (despite working for the same company for almost a year before I had my first), so I had no job to go back to. I found a stop gap job between my two boys in the same industry but it didn’t work out. While I was on my second mat leave I started planning Mini Maison and then just a month before we were due to go live, I was offered a part time, flexible job with a lovely small, new company. I then had a bit of a dilemma… Which one should I do?! I decided to do both, which a lot of people thought was insane, but it’s working well. I work 3 days a week and then evenings and nap times are spent on Mini Maison. I try and leave the weekends for family time. At some point soon I hope to be able to concentrate solely on Mini Maison but that won’t happen just yet as there are bills to pay! Like you say, sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes you have to go out there and make luck work for you.
Fantastic that you have managed to find a balance between a part time role and setting up your own company (love Mini Maison BTW!). It’s lovely that you have been able to do both and, as you say, it definitely happens for a reason. xx
Thanks Lottie! I should also quickly add, it’s often small businesses that are looking for part time employees because they’re looking for the expertise but don’t have the budget for a full time person. The role might not be quite as interesting, but small businesses are often the best to work for, I’ve found. Also, if you’re looking to set up on your own, I highly recommend getting organised while you’re on mat leave, and also you could look around for grants and loans available to people going alone. I got a grant from my local council to set up Mini Maison. Good luck everyone, it’s such a tricky and emotional time.
Lottie – this was just like me! I too had a dream work, I made wildlife documentaries for the BBC and had done so since I left university. Then within a month of returning to work – when my youngest was just 7 months old – I found out I was pregnant. I planned to return after having the 2nd but soon realised it just wasn’t going to work. I had no desire to do a job I loved half heartedly, for me it was all or nothing, let alone the fact it simply would not have been financially worth it. At the same time my wedding photography was getting more and more recognition. I had started doing it a few years earlier as a sideline and loved it but never imagined I could make a career out of it. Suddenly it seemed a possibility – I discovered an organisation called The Female Photographers Association (now the female creatives association) and it gave me all the tools I needed to make the leap into doing it full time. Now I couldn’t be happier – sometimes I miss trekking round Kenya filming lions for months on end, but then I realised that instead I can plan to have wild adventures with my family for fun, not just work. I absolutely love photography and love love love running my own business. Sometimes these things happen for a reason don’t they?! xx
Wow Katrina. That sounds like an immense job, although perhaps not quite so amazing when you have little ones. Kids and lions aren’t the best mix!!! So great though that you have been able to focus on your photography and make that in to a career you love. And yes go find lots of family adventures. They are the best kind x
For those considering the fact nursery for 2 is so expensive, a nanny often works out to be a lot cheaper. Also, take into consideration the fact that having a nanny means if a child is sick, they can still have childcare and you don’t lose out on a day of work/nursery. I have 3 year old twin girls, and I came back to work for 2 days when they were 13 months old – to give myself a break!! (we couldn’t afford childcare without working and have no family here as they are all in South Africa). I don’t have a high paying job, but with a nanny I at least earned enough to spend on lovely clothes and to do things on the days I’m at home with them – nursery I would have broken even. It’s a hard decision to make, but it’s saved my sanity!
It is definitely one I should have perhaps considered Nikki. I have a lot of friends who have nanny’s or au pairs and actually the cost is so reasonable. Definitely worth it as you say even more so for your sanity! xx
This is timely for me too. I’m expecting my second in the new year and have already pretty much made up my mind that I’m not returning to my 4-day role, which involves almost 3 hours travel each day. We can afford to have two in childcare but I’m not convinced it’s worth the stress for the amount that would be left over after nursery and travel costs. I already feel like my husband and I are struggling to be good parents, good employees and to keep the house and family life in order with the time available to us, and given the choice I think at the moment I’d prioritise my home life over my career and the extra money. I fully intend for this to be a temporary arrangement though, and I’ll be looking for something more local and part time in a few years.
It’s very reassuring to read that you’ve made the same choices and everything has worked out so well for you Lottie!
Tanne I was the same about the childcare. A large factor was the stress of getting too and from work, getting two kids out the house etc etc. Its not easy is it and unfortunately sometimes something has to give. Whatever you choose it will be the right thing xx
Reading your post has just brought me to tears Lottie as it’s hit a raw nerve for me. Our daughter is 2 and a bit and I returned to work full time after a year and my husband is the stay at home parent (he’s an actor which means most of the time he’s here and not working and doing an A.Mazing job of raising our girl then sometimes he’s away filming which is when my mum comes to stay and help out).
I had to go back to work 5 days a week (and 2.5 hrs of commuting a day) for two reasons; I wasn’t allowed back for 4 days a week (I’m an executive assistant to a super busy/wealthy guy who, in all fairness, does need someone 5 days a week), but also financially, I’m the breadwinner so full time it had to be. I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss her during the week though. It makes my heart literally ache.
We recently embarked on round 2 of IVF in the hope of giving our little girl a sibling (she’s at that stage of being super interested in babies growing in tummies!) but the thought of having a year off then returning 5 days a week again and having two kids who I only really get to see on Sat & Sun makes me want to weep. And I don’t know what to do about it!!!!
I’d love to be a virtual PA, I know some people who’ve done this and are successful, but they have the financial security blanket of a working husband to fall back on whilst starting off and picking up clients etc. Maybe one day….
My husband is constantly apologetic that he isn’t in a position for me to be able to work less and when he does get jobs, he does really well – it’s just so inconsistent and I can’t see that changing (nor can I see him ever giving up and going to teach which is what most of his acting mates seem to have done!)
Apologies for the ‘woe is me’ ramblings and so lovely to read lots of positive stories of it working out for you lovely ladies who took a chance/didn’t go back to working full time and hopefully by the time I’ve had no2 and am due back at work, my husband will be the next James Bond hahahhaha ; )
xxxx
Oh Anna, sorry for making you cry. Not my intention at all but it is such a tough one. My friend is in the same position as you and works full time whilst her husband stays at home. I don’t know how you do it but it will all work out. It is so tough but if it is any consolation at least you know your little girl is at home with Daddy rather than at nursery. Believe me, whatever decision we make we will always have a major case of mum guilt. It is always there but you are doing an amazing job for your daughter (and hopefully soon for a sibling). Wishing you all the luck in the world with your IVF and with your husbands quest to be the next James Bond!!! xxx
Sorry to pipe in on this one, but hope it helps…I’m also an Exec Assistant with a little one. I’ve noticed that there are a few companies who are now seeking Virtual Assistants – PwC is one of them. You have to do core hours of 10am-2pm and you make the rest of your working week up whenever you like. With the roles that I’ve seen you have to be in the office for one day a week, but other than that you can be flexible with your work. It’s definitely worth keeping an eye out on job sites…I know I am!
Wow – thank you so much Anon. That sounds like a dream PA job right? A good friend works for PwC, albeit not in an admin role, but she speaks very highly of working there in terms of flexi working etc. Will definitely keep an eye out.
Thanks again – very kind of you xx
This post is so timely as I am half way through my first pregnancy and already worried about the prospect of losing half of our household income even for a year or two.
As the daughter of parents in the services we moved extensively when I was young and up to seven months of the year (longer as infants) our father worked abroad. We missed him hugely but we were always shown how he sacrificed time with us to provide a caring safe home which in our later years meant we could be supported with university etc as he had made those sacrifices. What I’m trying to say is nowadays there is so much pressure on women and everything is a constant cycle of guilt but as long as your little one feels safe and understands that you are working to better their own future then they will understand.
In reality women can’t have it all but just find a balance that works, women shouldn’t be vilified for ‘choosing’ to return to work when men can do so without any of the emotional considerations!
You are a team and should work together to share responsibilities the best way you know how.
That is all so true Lucy and I think you have put it in to words better than I could. xxxx
I found returning to work extremely difficult after my first. In reality it wasn’t all the bad but no-one could have prepared me for the guilt and emotion I’d be feeling at the time. Looking back I made the right decision. I returned 4 days pw and my daughter and I spend Monday’s together which I love, however, it made me realise that I certainly couldn’t be a full time mum. I need to work. In an ideal world I’d love to work 3 days pw but financially it doesn’t make any sense. I’m about to finish up on mat leave with number 2 and it makes me feel physically sick what I’ll be paying a nursery to look after my babies but we’ve worked out that it’s just not feasible for me to leave my job.
I think this country has a lot to learn / change to make this better for parents. Our government push women to return to work but at the same time, make it so hard to do so with childcare costs so high. I have a number of friends who are literally working at a loss each month so that they can keep their jobs when the little one’s go off to school. Imagine working at a loss!! It’s terrible. My husband has recently returned from a business trip in OIso where it seems much easier to have children. Even men get 9 months paternity leave!! How good would that be!