Once Tayo had been moved from the NICU and we were put onto the Transitional Care ward I remember one of the first things one of the midwives said to me was, ‘Oh hasn’t he got prominent little ears’. Hmpff. Yes he has. But is there a need to comment? Maybe she meant it in an affectionate way but whatever, I think where possible, you shouldn’t really pass comment on anyones baby… ‘Oh he’s really big isn’t he!’, ‘Oh gosh he’s small for his age’ etc. These comments can stay in the Mamas head and stew and can leave her feeling worried about her baby appearing big for his age or in fact, about his very cute but very folded over ears.

When Leo was born he had very similar looking ears so initially I didn’t feel too concerned. Leo’s had straightened themselves out by the time he was 6 months old. I’d still say he has fairly prominent ears but they appear pretty ‘normal’ in shape and general appearance. I’d been actively keeping my eye on Tayo’s to see if they would shift and actually they have from when he was very little, they have definitely ‘opened up’ some but not all the way.

It came time for Tayo’s final visit to his Pediatrician when he turned 6 months. She is such a lovely Doctor, someone who I felt really comfortable with, who would share stories of her children with me and so on. So when we were talking about his general health and wellbeing I felt comfortable enough to bring up the subject of his ears. Telling her about initial vocal observations from midwives, to Leo’s ears, to feeling like that was it for Tayo and that I didn’t feel like they would change shape any time soon. She agreed with me and agreed that the cartilage at the top of his ear seem to be restricting the opening out of the ear.

“Let’s get a referral to the Plastic Surgeon’

Erm… The what now? Now I’m not naive enough to think plastic surgery is all tummy tucks and nose jobs, I know that plastic surgeons are used for a multitude of things but it had never dawned on me that if I wanted to ‘correct’ Tayo’s ears that it would involve a Plastic Surgeon. But ok, Let’s see what they have to say.

I had high hopes of meeting a Jackson Avery, a la Grey’s Anatomy style character on our trip back to the hospital four weeks later and although the Dr wasn’t quite Jackson, he was super lovely, extremely good with Tayo and made me feel like 1, I wasn’t awful for possibly wanting to alter how my child looks and 2, that it was really common and 3, the procedure is really straightforward.

It turns out that he has something called Lop Ear where essentially the cartilage isn’t quite in the right place. The Doctor manipulated his ears to show me that in fact, he has all the right bits they just haven’t quite developed the way they ‘should’. I could see how he would look if it was corrected. He explained to me that essentially the ears are made up of 6 bits and they all need to develop and grow at the same time to create that ‘normal’ ear shape and sometimes things go a bit wrong in the course of their development which can lead to things such as Lop Ear.

To correct them it would involve surgery and Tayo being asleep so it’s not something we can do at this time in his life because he is too small and the risk factors are too high, we’d be looking to have it done when he was about 4.

The whole things leaves me feeling extremely anxious and gives me a big knot in my tummy when I think about it. And that’s for a couple of reasons. To me, Tayo is perfect. He is SO wonderful and I love him with every fibre of my being. His ears are, on the grand scheme of things, really quite insignificant to me. He has no issues with his hearing and so we would be making the change their appearance purely for aesthetic reasons. Purely to avoid him being teased at school, purely so that he doesn’t have to face any unnecessary cruelty. Purely so they fit more into the ‘normal’.

Now, I’m a big believer in being who you are. If you want to make a change to your appearance then you should absolutely do that if it makes you feel better about yourself. Is it my right to make that choice for my baby? Anthony, and I’m sure he won’t mind me saying, is pretty firmly in the camp of yes we should, kids can be cruel and so if we can save him any heart ache over his appearance then we should. I on the other hand sway between the two camps. You shouldn’t change yourself because someone else thinks you should, because your piers don’t feel you quite ‘fit in’, you should make that decision for yourself based on your own morals and stand points but at 6,7 or 8 years old can you make such judgements for yourself? Is it better that we take that burden away for him before it gets a chance to start weighing on his shoulders?

And above all, the thing that most puts me off going through with it is this… What if he thinks that I didn’t think he was perfect just the way he was? Because I do. I’m just also conscious of how cruel society can be when you have something that appears to be ‘different’. My heart breaks at the thought of someone picking on him because of his ears, or picking on him for any reason but it breaks more at the thought of him thinking that I thought he should change.

So we have a few years to think about it, to get to a point of being able to ask him what he would like to do and I guess I have to just take it from there and not over think it in the meantime.

Have you made any cosmetic changes to your child’s appearance? Were there health implications if you didn’t or did you do it purely to make life easier for them? I’d love to hear any stories you have to share so as always please do in the comments below x