The Pain Of A Pregnancy Announcement

I view every woman (and man for that matter) of child bearing age with trepidation. I’m terrified of being caught off-guard and being walloped with an unexpected pregnancy announcement. To protect my heart, I’ve taken to thinking of everyone I meet as pregnant until proved otherwise and prepare myself for news every time a friend I haven’t seen for a while arranges a meet-up.

The thing anyone dealing with infertility will tell you is the conflict of emotions that come with any announcement about an impending arrival – the overwhelming feeling of ‘I’m so happy for you, but I’m so unhappy for me’.

Roughly I’d say my heart takes this type of battering two or three times a month. I have taken to buying myself a present each time which is getting fairly expensive!

My husband and I have braced ourselves for new year announcements – the excited parents-to-be broadcasting their news on their Facebook feed. Their due dates are likely to be the date our baby would have been arriving if we hadn’t suffered a chemical pregnancy in our first IVF round. We know it will hurt.

A friend of mine recently texted me with her happy news. I was so grateful she told me before we met and for the opportunity to compose myself over the phone. There was no need for me to share my vulnerability when the conversation was happening screen-to-screen or hide my guilt that my first thought wasn’t one of joy. All she would have know was my genuine happiness for her and her husband.

There was no acknowledgement from her side that the news might sting but then I wondered why should there be? Why should she have to hold back on sharing her fabulous news or share it any differently to the way she would to the rest of the world? She shouldn’t need to apologise for her fertility.

As I’ve said in my posts before, I want this whole IVF experience to be a learning process. If I don’t become a mother I want to become more self-aware as a result of the curve ball life has thrown at me. It dawned on me after the recent announcement that I have no idea of the best way to share this type of news. If a friend was saying to me ‘how do you want me to tell you’ then it would be a struggle to respond.

I’ve thought about it long and hard and I’ve come to the conclusion that I would recommend telling those struggling with infertility and loss your incredible news compassionately, privately, and as early as you feel comfortable with. Allow them to compose themselves and please don’t judge their first reaction. I’d recommend also holding back on the ‘we weren’t even trying’ details too! Don’t ever think they aren’t made up for you but please also realise this is a painful reminder to them that they’re having difficulty conceiving and are not in your position.

Sending many congratulations to those who are about to make their announcements and lots of hugs to those who may find them hard to hear.

mm

A cautious optimist sharing her experience of IVF and ICSI. Making the most of the unexpected.

56 Comments. Leave new

I can absolutely empathise with your feelings, and the worst thing is, we beat ourselves up for feeling this way. It’s a hammer blow, every single time. But you get up and dust yourself off again, every single time.

As someone who’s been there a while and simply can’t have birth children, it does get easier!

I wouldn’t change our journey for anything in the world. I’m a Mum through adoption and I wouldn’t have it any other way – our family and my life are complete, there is nothing in this world that could make me happier and my heart is full to bursting; but I can’t pretend that the fact I physically can’t create a life doesn’t still hurt a little, when friends happily talk about their pregnancies.

You will have your time! You already have a mother’s love inside you – you’re a Mum already and however your story goes, it WILL happen for you. I promise.

Xx

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Karen – i hope you don’t mind me asking this – how difficult did you find the adoption process? I am considering this as an option but I’ve heard so many horror stories about invasive questions. I appreciate this might be too personal a question – even general info would really help me?

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Morning Lou. We had a guest post back in 2016 about the adoption process. I hope you find it useful and good luck if you decide to persue that route xxx http://www.rockmyfamily.co.uk/adoption-process/

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Lou it’s the hardest but most rewarding experience of our lives. It’s intense and thorough, but ultimately it has to be… Protecting those little ones is the absolute most important thing.

I’ll fess up and say the piece Becky has shared is my story. Our little E came home to us not long after, and it’s like she’s been with us forever. She’s my baby and I would go through that process a thousand times over for her!

Take other people’s stories with a pinch of common sense. Hopefully my older post will help and good luck!xxx

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Thank you for your positivity Karen. Jx

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Lots of love xxxx

Having been in sort of similar shoes after the late loss of our first baby, I found it hardest when people insisted on telling us to our faces. I completely appreciated they thought they were being kind but I needed to have my initial reaction in private.

When we found out we were expecting the baby who is now our eldest living child, we didn’t tell people til fairly late but when we did, we sent a text in the evening, when I knew people who were struggling would hopefully be home with their partner to comfort them.

Unbeknownst to me, two sets of our friends had literally just discovered their respective IVF had been unsuccessful when we messaged them and have since said they were grateful to be able to process our news privately.

Wishing you nothing but wonderful things for the future xxxx

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It wasn’t something I realised until now but text does seem to be the best way to hear the news. It’s so very thoughtful that you thought to wait until the evening. I’m so sorry you had to go through such loss to find empathy. Jx

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P.s. And whilst I think people should absolutely share their happy news however they see fit and not apologise for being pregnant at all, I think empathy and compassion should be a consideration, as with everything xxx

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I understand too…..the sadness, jealousy if I’m honest, but also happiness and guilt for the less than attractive reactions (like the green eyed monster!!).

But now I’m a lucky one with a 14 month old baby after a successful round of ivf. Miracles can happen but I remember when I was on the journey I found that hard to believe sometimes.

I’m now hearing about the announcements of number 2 babies in our lovely nct friendship group. You would think that now I’m a mummy my reaction would be less fierce but it’s not. What is wrong with me?!?!?! We would love more children and hope to try ivf again.

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PS my heart, hugs and soothing cups of tea go out to all those trying to conceive. I truly hope this is your year……you will get through this somehow even though sometimes it all seems endless xxx

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Miracle baby news does keep me going Sarah! I have read many women say the sting of announcements never really goes away even if treatment does result in a baby. Infertility cuts so deep. Jx

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Thank you for posting this. My husband and I were married Forbes 10 years before we were successful with IVF (ICSI in our case). The previous years were just as you describe – a feeling of horrible trepidation, useless anger and sometimes hateful resentment waiting for birth announcements and then receiving the news from friends and family. We were lucky. But I never forget how I felt and try to have empathy for those around me who may be trying to conceive – for me that meant texting friends and trying not to bore/irritate people with my own excitement at being pregnant. Like Sarah S above I also now feel similar jealous emotions at the news of baby number 2 or 3 from others. I hate this about myself.

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Please don’t hate yourself Sarah. I take a lot of comfort from the camaraderie in the comments to my posts and I hope they show you are not alone in your feelings. Jx

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Hi jane
I empathise so much with your feeling here. I’ve had two miscarriages and struggled to come to terms with it all. I remember being completely caught off guard with two pregnancy announcements at work and feeling sadness that I’d never felt before wash over me. I’m fine when i know, when I’m prepared, but it’s very difficult when i’m not. And I also understand the guilt of those feelings. What’s amazing is that being honest about it makes others feel more ‘normal’ if that makes sense…so thank you x

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Yes it does make sense Lou. I’m sorry others have to go through this but it’s also good to know we’re not alone in feeling these emotions. Jx

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I’m 6 years post infertility battles and the proud mummy to 3 bundles of madness but your post still brought back the interminable sadness that every scan pic and announcement brought.

Exactly as you said, every announcement reminds you of what you don’t have to announce. Added to that the guilt and, for me, fear that not being able to put my own nagging jealousy and sadness to one side made me a horrible person! I also had an internal sliding scale which tempered my reaction- if it was a couple I knew well and cared about who I knew had struggled to conceive I was less upset than if it was someone distant or who (don’t judge my judging!) I didn’t think deserved it! It feels even worse looking back and commiting those thoughts to words but I was so so sad and so very low.

We saw a fertility counsellor as part of our IVF treatment and that helped me to accept that I wasn’t mean- I was happy for them, I was just sad for us! I’d recommend that if it’s an option where you had treatment.

I was always grateful to have the news via a text so I could manage my emotions in private before having to face people. I think people think they are helping by being upfront but for me that didn’t help. I think some of it also depends how open you are about the struggle you are going through- if people don’t know the battle you are facing they might not be as aware of empathetic as they could be. I read a helpful book at the time that suggested speaking to close friends and family who knew what was happening and agreeing a way for them to break the news to you if they find out they are pregnant. Agree on a text for example if that’s better for you.

Sending lots of love your way as you continue to deal with this x

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Thank you Rachel. Jx

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Compassion is key. We got sent a round robin email with scan picture the week after our baby daughter’s funeral. Yeah that hurt; a separate email without scan picture with acknowledgment that we were in a crap place would’ve been so much better.

Use that unfollowed button on FB if needed!

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Some people are exceptionally thoughtless. My heart goes out to you reading this. Jx

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We are currently going through fertility investigations as although we made baby number 1 easily it turns out by the doctors accounts to have been a bit of a fluke. I do appreciate how hard those baby announcements are it’s definitely the happy for them but sad for me but also think you do not always know what that couple have been through to get there. You don’t know if it was a struggle or not. I get more upset by the throw away comment people make without thinking. “You just decided to have the one?”…”you made such a beautiful baby don’t you want another?” My personal fave though was “you don’t know how lucky you are…twos such hard work” These comments are truly what upset me most. At the end of the day if we can’t have another naturally or assisted as my husband tells me there are lots of children who need adopting that are waiting for a mummy and daddy like us so I keep hold to that thought x

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Best of luck with your fertility investigations Helen. Jx

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Aw Helen, I’ve been in the same situation as you, struggling with secondary infertility. We decided after a long road of trying to conceive, including suffering a miscarriage, that we’re actually happy as a family of 3 and I’m finally at peace with our decision. But my gosh the comments on having an only child are hard to bear, especially as I’ve been very private about our difficulties conceiving. I must admit I’ve started giving back a bit of brutal honesty that we can’t conceive and I lost a pregnancy, that usually stops people in their tracks! I wish you all the best of luck on your journey with it all.

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I struggled so much with this after losing our baby. The head tilt and the secret smile and you just knew what was coming. I had a girl working for me who popped another baby out each time she came back from mater it’s leave…or so it felt. I loved being around Babies, and coped with that just fine, it was the news that someone was expecting that killed me.
We eventually did give IVF a try after 8 years and we’re auccessful, but I will never forget the pain. Sending warm wishes your way x

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Thank you Anna. It’s comforting to read you got the happy ending you deserved in the end. Jx

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My sister struggled with fertility issues for over three years before the first of my lovely two nieces was born. There was never any pressure from anyone else in the family for her to have a baby but because it was what she so desperately wanted we all wanted it for her and hurt with her every single step of the way. Sometimes I would curl up on the bed and sob for my own sister…and I would physically bristle whenever I heard any clueless person ask her when she would be having a baby (still makes me SO angry to this day when people ask that question of anyone)

With this in mind I had always presumed I too would have problems. I know how lucky we are to be almost half way through my first pregnancy but when it came to telling people I was so conscious of over people’s situations.

I made sure we text people in advance of us seeing them as I think it’s important to give people the chance to get their “game face” on. I know it’s not that they are unhappy for us at all (quite the opposite) but there’s nothing like wishing something was happening for you too.

There were also no mass group announcements or Facebook postings. I have friends in a variety of situations, as does my husband. They are all super important to us and we know they will support us and our little one but in turn I am determined we’ll be equally supportive of their own situations.

xxx

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Congratulations on your pregnancy Pamela. It’s lovely to hear how compassionate and supportive you have been of others in similar situations to your sisters. I wish everyone shared your empathy!
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Jx

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We struggle to conceive our first child so I know all too well the pain you feel when hearing others announce the have a baby on the way. I tried not to be jealous & feel nothing but happy for them but it’s really hard. We were lucky and our 2nd child came along as a surprise when our 1stborn was 15 months old. However when I announced this pregnancy I had to be sensitive to 3 of my friends who had recently experienced a miscarriage, I cried tears for them & deliberated whether to tell them face to face or whether to text/email. I went with text in the evening when I knew they could process the news with their partner at home. It was a hard time & at times I felt it hard to enjoy my own pregnancy. But all three friends went on to conceive & have healthy babies now.
Wishing you lots of love on your journey to create a family. Xxx

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Thank you Nina. Jx

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The really important piece of information I’ve taken from this is not telling those you know are struggling to conceive straight to their face. We thought we were doing the right thing when we were expecting our first child by visiting those friends and family with fertility issues and telling them personally. It’s a really good point you raise, that reaction should be able to be made in private. It’s not circumstances we’ll find ourselves in again, but I hope the advice helps others x

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It shows great kindness to consider how to break the news, even if you don’t feel with hindsight it was the right way to do it.
I’m sure your friends were touched that you thought about how to tell them. Jx

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I completely agree Al Girl. We thought telling a close friend who was going through IVF face to face about our pregnancy was the right way to do it but it unfortunately resulted in a lost friendship. We’ll never know if a text would’ve prevented that and if I’m honest, I don’t think it would’ve but this information is useful if we’re lucky enough to have another baby.

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Lots of bells ringing here. Sorry to hear about your first round ending that way- it’s one of the most cruel twists. I had 3 cycles of ivf (including one loss at 8 weeks and one TFMR of a twin sadly) but ended up with our daughter so full on rainbow here, however every ‘announcement’ up until then and to be honest since does sting. Sadly infertility is still not talked about enough, not given a thought to by those who’ve never felt it’s pain. I find it tacky and awful when people post things in social media personally- staged photos with puns, scan photos- it’s not classy or considerate. I’ve even seen preganancy test ones which as some of us know- does not always mean a baby. I unfollow (on unfriend if we’re not really mates) when I see them, for me it’s better to be unaware. Same for preganancy complaints- ‘Ooh I’m so uncomfortable hate being preganancy lol’ I have to stop myself writing a reply. The most offensive I think are those ‘most likely to have a baby this year- tag them’ ones full of women saying ‘God I hope not ha ha’ etc. Disgusting that baby companies post those and I have responded to one of those I must say.

If a dear friend tells me they are expecting I have genuine joy for them. Of course that may be because I got so lucky myself but I do think it depends who has told you and how far along in your own journey you are. I truly wish for some good news for you- in whatever direction it takes you and you can bet those close to you will be overjoyed when you can share what that is x

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I could’ve never written this myself! The overwhelming feeling of “why them; why not me” is hard to shake when you’re faced with the joyous news from close family and friends. It feels like you are grieving for what wasn’t to be all over again.

I consider myself so incredibly lucky that our second round of IVF was successful.

For obvious reasons we didn’t announce our news until later on in my pregnancy and when we did I was so mindful of friends that I knew we’re trying to conceive that we chose tell them first, and in private. We also decided not to share any details over social media.

I only wish I was given the same consideration. I was told of a very close friends happy news two days before my wedding at a girlie get together. I couldn’t control my emotions and spent the rest of the afternoon in tears. I’ll always regret my behaviour that day.

Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey. Xx

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I have to admit I’ve taken Facebook off my phone. I’ve seen far too many scan pictures from friends of friends. It was costing me far too much to keep buying myself commiseration presents!
Congratulations on your rainbow. Jx

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Can I just say how grateful I am that you’re writing these posts Jane? Learning more about all family stories and how to be compassionate with each other is so important. I know what you’re sharing is incredibly honest and personal, so thank you.

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Thank you Naomi for your very kind words. Jx

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I’m struggling. It’s early days in that I’ve only been trying naturally for a year. Luckily, many of the announcements from people I know happened before I was trying to conceive, although it’s likely there will be another wave of them. The real comment I wanted to add was to slightly challenge the notion that even to close friends we need to present a “game face”. In a world where true, genuine and honest connection is scarce, what is wrong with letting (some) people see our true emotions and reactions to thing. Clearly not right in all cases (or over social media) but a thought I wanted to share.

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Hi Bridget, thank you for putting this viewpoint forward. It really made me think.
I suppose the game face protects others from seeing the jealousy which isn’t the prettiest of emotions. There are some people that I feel I’m close enough to share this with though and they would understand so thank you for this perspective. Jx

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Great post, and something I identified with after suffering two miscarriages in 2016 and having a long recovery period afterwards. It was so tough, I removed myself from Facebook to avoid the unexpected announcements and also took to assuming everyone was TTC so I could prepare myself. There were times where I’d end up changing plans upon hearing other people’s news, but there are times to be selfish and protective and I found them where I could.
The most grating feeling I felt was when I would hear friends moaning about their children to me, especially during the hard toddler phases. I wanted to be there for them, but I couldn’t help but hear the part of them that was saying to me you don’t know how lucky you are to not have this in your life right now and it would make me want to scream. So frustrating when all you want to do is hold your own baby no matter how badly they were playing up.
All the best to you in your journey to motherhood xx

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Thank you Fiona. Jx

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I think a simple text message is the kindest, so the other person can react privately to the news. However if you haven’t had fertility issues or pregnancy losses or problems (or even known someone going through it) I’m not sure how much every person thinks about it.

My two close female friends announced their (3 in total) pregnancies face to face, usually just after the starters in a restaurant. I’d have to smile and say congrats etc whilst trying not to cry (I was happy for them, just sad for my own situation). To be fair to them, I keep my health issues private so they would not have known about my own struggles to conceive. I’m sure they would have been more sensitive towards me if they’d known – but I didn’t want to overshadow their happy news with my own situation at that moment in time.

We did conceive after many years and after ivf, I told people I either knew had losses/issues (or simply didn’t know about their situation) via text and hope that was the best way. Also kept stuff off Facebook etc, personal choice as I had also found endless social media posts hard to take, although I guess that’s what unfollow is for.

Wishing you all the best for the future x

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Thank you Sara. I completely agree that if you hadn’t had problems or losses before then it isn’t something you’d have to consider. Life can have a cruel way of teaching us to be kinder. Jx

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We lost our second daughter just before 25 weeks in October.
Seeing pregnant people is getting a little bit easier, but a couple of pregnancy announcements literally a week after I gave birth felt like a kick in the stomach and so incredibly painful and I have had to keep my distance from a few mum friends with new babies and one who was due a week before I was just, for my own sanity.
We know we are so, so lucky to have our daughter but that doesn’t make our loss any easier to deal with.
Thank you for these posts, they are unfortunately relevant to so many people.
Wishing you all the best. X

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Jane I am so very sorry to read about your loss. It’s good to hear time is helping heal the pain of seeing pregnancies.
Wishing you all the very best too. Jx

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After struggling for three years to conceive and after three rounds of treatment, we gave birth to our miracle baby this year. The pain and utter sadness id feel each and everytime I’d hear a pregnancy announcement was crushing. One of my closest friends announced her pregnancy two days after I found out my first cycle had ended in a chemical pregnancy. She didn’t know (and still doesn’t) that we were going through IVF at the time but she definitely knew we were struggling. Empathy is everything when you’re announcing something like that. But maybe I only really know that because I’ve been on the other side and know just how painful it is. IVF is so hard. The treatment is a breeze in comparison to the emotions that go alongside it.
Wishing you lots of hope and love for your next step.

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Thank you Haz. Wholeheartedly agree the medical side is a breeze and it’s the emotions that get you. Before I started I thought the injections would be the tough bit but that’s the easiest part!
Congratulations on your little miracle. Jx

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It’s really hard isn’t it. We’ve been on this journey for 8 years and I’m now due to have my second baby (number 1 came along after 5 years). I honestly hope that saying this isn’t insensitive – I’m saying it just because it’s an example of things working out as we wanted …..eventually. I’ve struggled over the years with the announcements of friends, particularly when they announced second pregnancies before we even had our first. I’ve been at parties where every single female in the room has been pregnant except for me. And more recently a lot younger family members seem to have conceived within a month or two of their weddings – it seems so easy for them and they have no idea how hard it can be for others!
Hang in there. There are lots of success stories. I really recommend counselling along with IVF. It does help. Also, interestingly, both of my pregnancies have been natural and both have come after failed IVF cycles – each time we’ve been waiting for my period to start so we can ring the clinic to start the next cycle and each time we haven’t needed to. Good luck xx

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Incredible to hear you’ve conceived naturally both times Cath and congratulations on your second pregnancy.
My acupuncturist is like my therapist! I’ve found it that more beneficial than the counselling I’ve had at the clinic. I feel very grateful there’s so many people out there who are helping us get through this tricky period.
Thanks for the book recommendation. Jx

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(continued) … There’s a book by Marisa Peer called ‘Trying to Get Pregnant and Succeeding’ which I found really helpful. My **HUGE** trigger warning is that among all the good things she says she suggests at one point in the book that miscarriage could potentially because of not wanting the baby enough. I’ve been through losing a baby and obviously this upset me, and it’s clearly a load of rubbish and that it shouldn’t be in the book. But, if you can look past that, the book is about positive thinking when it comes to getting pregnant. I was in a really negative place and it helped me to think a lot more positively and I definitely found it helpful. There are exercises you can work through to get into a more positive frame of mind. Good luck xx

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Jane this is a great post that really helps to normalise the difficult emotions that infertility bring. I was lucky to conceive and have my son, who is now 4, but then struggled with secondary infertility. I found I could cope with feeling sadness but the jealousy I really struggled with. I also did a lot of beating myself up about how I felt as I knew how blessed I was to have my son, compared with those in the situation of trying to conceive their first child. I think if you haven’t experienced it, it is hard to understand the yearning, nagging and all encompassing need that infertility brings. 3 of my very close friends have gone through IVF so I know how bloody brutal it can be. I wish you all the very best with it.

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Oh Jane, you are so right. Thank you for this very good post, the pain is so real when you’re trying to conceive. Especially since then everyone seems to fall pregnant effortlessly around one! Sending you a big hug!

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I’m starting to get numb to the announcements – especially the Facebook friend of a friend ones.

A close friend last year called me to tell me and she was so upset on the phone because of my situation – nice of her to think of my feelings but then I ended up spending the call trying to reassure it was fine. We met said friends little one at new year and she is lovely – it just made me want one even more.

I’d prefer just a text or email from friends to tell me – a little acknowledgement that the news might be hard to hear but to be honest it’s just life isn’t it. Peope will go on getting pregnant – it would just be nice if I was one of them and didn’t miscarry.

4 years of trying, 2 miscarriages (one after naturally falling pregnant and one after first attempt at IVF), and one failed thaw cycle later…. we’re about to go in for another try with a thaw cycle. Sometimes I think we’re mad putting ourselves through it all mentally. Having said that I’m feeling in a much more positive headspace so fingers crossed.

Best of luck Jane!

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Infertility must be incredibly difficult, I have a few friends who have been/are going through the process and I hope I was compassionate when I announcced my pregnancies to them.
Now though, I had a horrendous second pregnancy and though nothing was found during pregnancy despite many many investigations, my baby was born with a syndrome which includes feeding difficulties, a heart condition, and many other potential difficulties. I realise some people might think we are lucky just to have a baby (and in some ways I agree) but our journey has been horrendous and when he was first born I was heartbroken & inconsolable.
Needless to say I also now find (particularly second) pregnancy announcements very difficult to hear, as well as seeing families who have 2 (or more) healthy children. Much as I am happy for them, I never thought this would be my situation and I find myself wishing I could have had what they have. I try to remind myself I don’t know their situation really, or what they might have been through and that helps, but I think fertility/pregnancy/babies can be emotive for so many different reasons. I would also rather have my reaction in private then be able to show only happiness in person.

Good luck Jane and anyone else going through a tough time x

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A bit late to the party here. But oh Jane, I hear you. 3 years of unexplained infertility and of baffled doctors who don’t understand why for a “high fertility” couple we don’t have a baby (and on that note, unexplained infertility is bullshit….People think it means you’re “just” unlucky and if you just try harder/truly believe! a baby will pop out whereas to those of us with us of an ounce of common sense, me it means they haven’t found the problem and therefore can’t fix it). I was “one of the lucky ones”. Pregnant after my first IVF. Beautifully strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. Aaaaah, we can’t believe our luck, we’re finally going to have a baby! And then: “I’m so sorry, your baby has died” and an incredibly traumatic ERPC at 10 weeks. Second baby dies as well. One year on and I’m still broken, 35 years old and no baby, and friends with *multiple* diagnosed fertility issues bouncing their babies on their knee, insisting that you need to understand how hard it was for them to have just the one, successful IVF treatment. I have a friend who has, in the time I’ve been fighting to get past 12 weeks, has gotten pregnant THREE TIMES. Twice, accidentally. Infertility is lonely. It is hard. It creates feelings of bitterness, of resentment, and of fear. It isolates us in the moment that we need help more than ever. And the fact is that nobody understands it unless they have been through it. And even then, they don’t, unless they’re in your situation. I suppose my point is…be kind to yourself. Pur yourself first. You may find that the people you thought would always be there for you are not. And that’s another loss to deal with. And I will not patronise you by sending “baby dust” or saying that i know 2018 is your year. The reality is, you may never have a biological child, just as I may not. But I really, really hope you do. Hang in there Jane; you’ve already proven yourself a lot stronger than most, and you deserve the world.

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Thank you to everybody sharing their stories, I have cried a lot in the last few months. 3 years and counting, 34 years old. 40 babies born in that time to my close family and friends. Every single one reduces me to tears… of both joy and sadness. When will it be our turn? we deserve this…..I am really struggling to cope with the feeling that I’m letting my husband down, my family down and myself down. I look at photos of our wedding day on the landing and I get this gut feeling of “where has that happy girl gone?” I can’t put my life on hold anymore. I’m a photographer and for a year I didn’t take any newborn or family work because it hurt so much. Now I’m throwing myself into everything and knowing that there is absolutely nothing on this planet that I can do to make this any better except live my life. I have found strength in the last few weeks from IVF Babble (instagram) and hilariously infertile. If you don’t laugh, you’d spend your life crying. To all the ladies out there who are suffering, just know that you are not alone and if we all talk then the world becomes a much less lonely place.

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I’ve only just read this article after taking a break from being online. This couldn’t have come at a better time. We are currently going through fertility issues and in the last 4 days have had 3 pregnancy announcements. One was face to face which was difficult but my friend was very conscious of what we are going through. The one that hurt the most was the message from my cousin (who knows what is going on) complaining about how tired she is and how hard it is being pregnant again – if only!

I am currently surrounded by pregnant people – at work and outside of work and I feel like I cannot escape. I have made contact with a counselling organisation as the guilt / anger / jealousy is all consuming and I have lost who i am. I have also started a separate IG account and have been using it to reach out to others who are also struggling to make me feel a little less lonely. IVF Babble is a great source of information in a world where it is all so confusing. If only there was a magic wand for everyone with fertility issues to make everything right

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