Stop Telling Me How BIG I Am

Charlotte O'Shea

Maybe I didn’t notice in my first pregnancy, due to the million and one things I was thinking/juggling having had no experience of motherhood and launching our second Rock My platform literally weeks before I was due to take maternity leave. Or maybe I just didn’t receive as many comments about my appearance when I was growing Mabel.

I’ve found it almost comical, how folks (and I must emphasise mostly women) seem to think it’s acceptable to pass comment on my body. And I don’t mean in a complimentary way, although of course there are those that do. I mean very much with a focus on the “size” of my growing bump. Well I say bump, but it’s not always entirely clear what about my current frame warrants such a focus on perceived expansion.

“Gosh! You are getting so big!”

What is “getting so BIG”..? my arse?

“You must be carrying much bigger than your first this time!”

Erm, not particularly no?

“You are really waddling now with all that extra weight!”

That’ll be due to the crippling backache. And the SPD. Oh and the fact I’m growing a human.

For reference, I have a fairly petite build. Just shy of 5″ 4′ and a UK size 6-8. I have eaten a balanced diet throughout the last 32 weeks (lots of fruit and veg, also chips and biscuits) and I exercise regularly. I would like to think that I am taking a healthy approach towards both my baby’s wellbeing and my own.

It would never occur to me to pass comment on someone’s size, expecting a baby or otherwise. Yes I tell my friends they look lovely, or compliment them on their latest Zara purchase, but I would never in a million years exclaim, especially in the company of several other people, about their apparent increase in dimensions.

I promise I am not being over sensitive, I have experienced a particularly difficult 7 or so months what with one pregnancy associated ailment and another, I just don’t understand the requirement to make me consider the width of my torso (or could it be my swollen calves? Or my thighs?) as if I look somehow odd or unusual compared to what is …expected.

And their lies my point I guess. Everyone is different. Everyone’s body is different. No two pregnancies are exactly the same. Turns out after having a 4D scan just after Christmas that my baby girl already has perfect rolls of chub on her legs and is in the 90th percentile in terms of weight. She is not outside of the norm. I do not have gestational diabetes. She just likes chocolate orange and cheese. As do I.

The sonographer did check the results multiple times, whilst looking back and forth from me to the screen she finally concluded “You are carrying a big baby….for someone who is quite small”

Yes, I guess so. I hope I am carrying the right sized baby for me.

You can see my bump and I on my instagram story highlights.

Header image taken from our DIY garland collaboration with Joules (I was about 25 weeks at the time).

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Charlotte is still determined to wear her fancy cowboy boots, even if Mabel does plaster the tassels in jam.
Follow Charlotte on instagram @charlotte.oshea

72 Comments. Leave new

People can be berks.. a very good female friend of mine at work greeted me after the Christmas break with these lovely words “even your face looks pregnant”!! And a nurse who administered my flu jab called me a “big girl”!

I think you look delightful! Good luck for the last couple of months. Xx

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I should add the caveat that I am 6 months now..

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 7:22 am

Your face looks pregnant?! WTF?! My face looks like the moon if it’s any consolation, but it’s definitely having a positive effect on plumping out my fine lines 🙂 x

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Urgh. Yes to all of this.

Some people need lessons on how to talk to pregnant people.

Rule 1 – no you didn’t ‘just know’ I was pregnant – get over the fact that we kept this a little happy secret for the first couple of months. Just say congratulations?!

Rule 2 – do not comment on size – big or small!

You look really fantastic Charlotte, and thanks for making me feel better about the fact my baby clearly likes cheese and chocolate too 😉 XX

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 7:23 am

Thanks Sian, lots of luck and love for the remainder of your pregnancy x

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Oh I hated the “oh I knew”. You definitely didn’t! My MIL was exceptionally smug that “she just knew” I’d have the baby early. How indeed do you know a thing like that? Eugh!

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Gah this drove me mad! Especially messages from people on social media that I never see in person that they also “knew” before I announced. Just say congratulations or nothing at all please! 🙂

Charlotte, you look fantastic and I love following your bump pics and journey! Very impressed by the Pilates classes and has inspired me to do more exercise! Xx

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Ha yes to Rule 1! You knew did you? But you didn’t have the balls to say anything!

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Hahahaha. My husband aunt said to us when we announced a pregnancy, that she had “just known when she saw me at christmas”… which was funny, because we didn’t even know then. We’d have been days pregnant then, if at all. Some people! x

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Oh my goodness yes! I wish people would stop themselves and consider whether it could be seen as rude.

When I was 6 months pregnant, a lady in a busy shop proceeded to tell me how big I was, how I was clearly having twins and that there was no way I had 3 more months to go. Which she continued for around 5 minutes while a huge queue waited behind me. I ended up leaving in tears because she just continued in a not so positive way.

Another lady at my local shop told me every time she saw me how huge I was. At the time I was getting incredibly stressed as was told I had polyhydramnios and was being tested for GD. It got to the point where I just didn’t leave the house for the last month.

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 8:50 am

Clearly having twins?!!! honestly, some folks need to learn some social skills. Bless you for not wanting to leave the house, I bet you looked lovely x

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I remember the ‘are you sure it’s not twins?’ comment from the lady behind the checkout in Tesco! I was very conscious of my weight during my first pregnancy even though I ate healthily and continued with excercise I felt huge and the incessant commentary from this women when I’d just come from seeing friends who had reassured me I looked great was quite upsetting. Luckily I was with my husband who quickly whisked me away before I lost my cool. I’m always shocked how complete strangers can make such personal comments. Pregnancy is beautiful and so are all bumps small or big. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

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Oh Charlotte, this is the worst. My first pregnancy I had a colleague who every single day gave a commentary on how big I was looking. I had to tell her in the end it needed to stop…and it was replaced with “oh I can’t say anything, pregnancy hormones” from then on. Needless to say I’m thankful we don’t work together anymore!!

I’m just not sure how pregnancy makes you fair game for every comment on how you look, that people feel it’s ok to touch your bump, when they would never touch you otherwise. It’s just so odd isn’t it.

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Charlotte, it’s good to know that this is a widespread issue, cause doesn’t it feel like such a personal one? I’m 23 weeks pregnant with my first, live in a rural and small population and am constantly being met with comments on the size of my bump being big. Every time my MIL sees me she comments on how big I’m getting as well, very frustrating.

It’s horrendous, and people just don’t know what you’re going through on your pregnancy journey?! I’ve been hospitalised for dehydration/malnutrition and am being monitored regularly but just can’t find an appetite, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s linked to these comments.

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My personal favourite, from an eager visitor that shall remain unnamed, 4.5 hours after giving birth…”You’ve still got a bit of belly on you then” First time I’ve ever been rendered speechless xx

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 8:54 am

Are you kidding me?! 4.5 hours after birth?! I would have been rendered speechless too, then had a desperate urge to smack them in the chops.

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Me too – 2 days after, ‘i thought you’d had the baby? Hahaha!’

😣

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This just made me laugh!! Thanks! I spend the first 20 weeks of people knowing I was pregnant with the omg your much bigger this time (second baby) and I bet it’s twins. Now 33 weeks. Iv received comments like o your so small now I think your bump got smaller. As well as. O you look like you put weight on this week!!!! How about let me grow a baby in my own way!!

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After seeing your insta story the other day, I want to know what is giving you that Angelina-esque pout? Hoping it’s not a lovely pregnancy side effect and is actually something I can purchase online so that I too can have Angelina lips, yes?? 💋

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 8:56 am

Pah ahahahahaha I’m afraid it is mostly pregnancy hormones – it happened in my last pregnancy too, but also clever emphasise with Charlotte Tilbury Pillow Talk lipliner x

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I completely agree with you Charlotte but from the point of view of small bump comments.

When I was pregnant I sat opposite another pregnant lady at work. Her bump was quite a bit bigger than mine even though she was due a month later (her second, my first, just the fact that people carry differently!) We both used to get comments on the size of our bumps and people comparing them… consequently she was upset by people saying how big she was and I was in a state of worry that my baby wasn’t developing properly! (“Your bump is tiny” / “surely you can’t be 6 months already”)

People should realise that they can’t win when commenting on bump size so they shouldn’t say anything! You don’t go up to someone who is overweight and say “you’re looking pretty fat today”!

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 9:39 am

The irony is Amy, I’ve had this too – I didn’t pop until about 22 weeks so also worried that maybe my baby wasn’t growing properly. Honestly, it’s a discombobulating enough time as it is! x

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It’s not just comments on big, I was always told with my first how small my bump was. Though people used neat as well which I didn’t find too bad as that kinda says that all the choc digestives aren’t making too much of a difference!
I think it’s just that people are fascinated by a pregnant woman – I still am even though I’ve had two babies – and I think they just don’t know what to say. And don’t think before they say it. I just say to friends how great they look – or say nothing at all and give them chocolate 😊

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Charlotte, I am exactly the same height and clothes size as you and had a huge bump during my pregnancy. My bump was in the 95th percentile but the midwives never made a fuss so didn’t think anything of it. I gave birth (completely naturally!) to a 9lbs 1oz baby boy (!) who is now a gorgeous, healthy 3mth old, and I’ve recovered really well too.

I have to say though that I received more lengthy stares than comments, especially from strangers, which is definitely worse! What’s strange though is that during the staring they still didn’t offer me a seat on the bus…

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 9:40 am

Danni I haven’t been offered a seat on trains either, sometimes I’m half tempted to just ask and embarrass them into it 🙂

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I think you absolutely should! I got a priority card and badges (I have twins so said I had one for each baby ☺️ but also did it as hard to miss!). I found the commute into London very tiring. I travelled on less busy trains but every time it was full I’d walk to the priority seats and ask if everyone in those seats held a priority card explaining I did. It was excruciating and so un-British but kept telling myself I did it for my babies. Someone always did give up their seat although amazing how many stared ahead!

You’re doing a fantastic job growing a little person. Hang in there (the SPD and unnecessary thoughtless comments are tough) x

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I completely get this! My little boy Noah is now 7 weeks old. I have been shocked that as soon as I announced that I was pregnant people seem to take it as a free pass to comment on my appearance. I have been even more surprised that this has continued after giving birth. When Noah was 4 weeks old a friend said to me “aww you still have a little bump don’t you!”

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I went for an innocent wee at work (one of many at 6 months pregnant) and was accosted by a colleague who enthusiastically told me ‘oooh yeah…your face is filling out now isn’t it’. I panicked and just said ‘yes it is’ then went back to my desk and seethed at all the things I’d have liked to have said to her in reply. Then spent the rest of the working day and probably week inspecting my face and photos of myself.

It seems once people are aware you are pregnant your body becomes fair game for everyone else. I doubt she would make comments like that to someone who wasn’t.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well Charlotte! Not long until you get to sniff her. Hope the spd isn’t too awful, I had it and it’s tough. Xx

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I just think it’s rude to comment on another persons body, pregnant or not, it is not acceptable.
If you want to comment on a friends weight gain or loss, make sure you choose an opportune moment and discreetly bring it up, if you are concerned for them, otherwise, it is none of your business!
Drives me completely mental!

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Urgh I totally empathise with you here… I had our little girl at the end of November but from quite early on a lot of people told me how big I was…

A cracker from my mother in law was ‘you’re massive aren’t you, sure you’re not carrying triplets’ erm no. That comment actually made me cry (didn’t take a lot!) *i actually only had a 5lb 15 baby…I was carrying a LOT of water!

And at about 37 weeks I was in Marks and Spencer’s and this random man said to me ‘careful, you’ll get done for shop lifting’ I mean, how dare he, he didn’t know me at all but being pregnant just seems to give people the right to pass comment (or so they think!) I think they just feel they have to say something… wish they wouldn’t though 😏

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 9:42 am

Oh my goodness Alex, both your MIL and the M&S man need lessons in social bloody etiquette x

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Some people are so rude aren’t they Charlotte, I don’t understand how being pregnant seems to mean people feel it’s acceptable to just say what they want with no second thought to the repercussions it may have. When I was pregnant a colleague at work said (on more than one occasion) “Oh yes you’re definitely having a girl” I didn’t know the sex of my baby so intrigued I asked why she thought that, she went on to say “yes I’m 100% it’s a girl, your skins gone really, really bad and they say having a girl does drain the beauty out of you!”. I mean seriously?! I just stood there in disbelief, it’s not until I look back on the situation I think I should have stood up for myself but at the time it just upset me. Silly people! … Oh and the funny outcome was, it was actually a boy so ha to that smart arse!
Xx

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Oh gosh so annoying. With my second I was told I was ‘huge’ and ‘tiny’ constantly, at a family party one person kept saying I was so small I looked three months pregnant at 7 months and someone else said ‘gosh you look like you’re aboht to drop’. Shows nobody knows what they’re talking about. And she was born bang on the 50th percentile so both we’re wrong.

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Charlotte, I am exactly the same height and clothes size as you and had a huge bump in the 95th percentile. The midwives never made a fuss so I didn’t think anything of it. My baby boy was 9lbs 1oz (!), born completely naturally and is a totally gorgeous 3mth old now.

I think people just get excited for you and want to talk about it but don’t always know what to say/what’s appropriate. I had a lot of long, confused/shocked stares from strangers which was definitely more irritating than comments. Strangely, their staring still didn’t prompt them to offer me a seat on the bus every day…

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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Some people just don’t think at all. My dad came to the hospital the day after I had my baby and first thing he said was when looking at my tummy “thought you already had the baby”!!! As he is my dad he slightly got away with it but still……..
I also have a daughter on the 90th centile…… and am tiny myself- yay to all the chubby rolls they are the best!

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 1:51 pm

Love a chubby roll 🙂 Mabel had “elastic” wrists – they were the best x

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Oh yes…I absolutely had this with my second. Including getting told I looked like I was ready to drop at less than six months (must have got the waddle on early!). The irony was I then had to have extra scans around 7/8 months because my bump growth was too slow! So everyone is different – I had a perfectly average size baby after all of that. You look amazing. xx

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 9:43 am

Thanks Helen, and that’s what drives me mad, why do folks feel that a) they have the right to be rude b) all of a sudden they are medical experts?! x

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I experienced both sides of this. There was a lady in the office pregnant at the same time as me whos bump was a lot bigger than mine- she used to comment on a daily basis that I “didn’t look pregnant” or that my bump was tiny and it used to drive me mad! She used to rub her belly when she passed me and look at my belly – I had to bite my tongue on numerous occasions!
Then towards the end of the pregnancy I had comments that I was massive and wouldn’t go full term! Everyone “knew” I would go early! In the end I was 13 days over my due date – so in fact they knew nothing!!!

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At Christmas i was 16/17 weeks pregnant, I’m not slim and had been already carrying a food baby when I got pregnant so it was very easy to hide being pregnant but by Christmas food baby was becoming a bit more real baby….. and that whole experience of not having a natural bump form was actually quite tough personally (albeit my weight is my own responsibility).
I was wearing a white t shirt from H&M mama with the next generation on it as a bit of a laugh, it wasn’t the most flattering on me and my aunt took then opportunity to tell me I was looking BIG. This was first comment and it really upset me for a few days after. She’s only seen me the week before when others had said I wasn’t even showing. Urgh.
20 weeks now so I’m sure many more comments to be experienced … although saw a lot of pals last night who were super lovely and no such comments. I’m sure my customers at work will have some crackers as the weeks roll on! No bump touching amazingly yet!

Naturally Charlotte you’re looking beautiful and never would I describe you as big! Hope you’re last few weeks are as comfortable as possible. Totally with you on the chips and biscuits.

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 9:45 am

Sarah I’m sure you look lovely, I hope the next 19 or so weeks are good for you too. All this talk of biscuits and I feel the need for a custard cream! x

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I’m 38 weeks now and it seems no one – other than pregnant ladies – seems to understand this. I felt great up until 35 weeks when I had a birthday party and everyone who hadn’t seen me pregnant exclaimed how big I was – the photos and lighting didn’t help and I got really self conscious after that. Yes, I know I’m ‘big’, I’m also pregnant. It would be weird if I wasn’t when carrying a 6lb human in my uterus but, I already feel big now myself and don’t need it pointing out every 5 minutes. I feel like hugging the people who tell me how petite I still look and that I’ve not put weight on elsewhere. Though now I have the joy of fielding the ‘baby news’ messages… I’m not even due yet? If I’ve got another 3.5 weeks of this to take me to 42 weeks then I’m going to go insane! Any tips for that are greatly received!

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This reasonated so much with me during both pregnancies. I carried all on my front both times so looked pretty much like I’d shoved a football up my top/dress. I used to get ‘are you sure there is just the one in there?’ During my second pregnancy a woman at work said ‘ooh not long now’ and I said ‘I’ve got two months left.’
It’s so frustrating that people feel like they can say what they want during your pregnancy and it can make you feel paranoid when you sometimes don’t feel your best anyway. You look fab Charlotte

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It breaks me how people feel they are entitiled to comment on your bump and your size. My bump got commented on a plenty and in the end it made me paranoid that something was wrong and scared I was going to have a giant baby!- My husband is 6’4 and I am only 5’5 (at a push). I went to a christening and a man overheard that I was 7 months “only 7 months- your massive, surely you must be ready to pop!’ Err hello?!! Later on he accosted me and proclaimed to his wife ” look this is the lady I was telling you about isn’t she massive!’ Wtaf.. and this is just one example, there are lots more! I didn’t think my bump was overly huge and it was pretty much all bump. The comments made me enjoy this pregnancy less (also I was tired with a toddler in tow) in the end I had our little boy at 35 weeks and he was a healthy 6lb for being a month early. I think people should stop and think before they speak or perhaps I should have had the confidence to pull them up on it either way leave a pregnant woman in peace!

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I’ve lost count of the number of people (close friends and family included) who have asked/joked about me carrying twins. I was big the first time, I’m even bigger the second time (28 weeks today and measuring 30 weeks already!). That’s just how I carry babies clearly! And yes, I eat a whole load of chocolate (and healthy stuff too), I had the gestational diabetes test and it was absolutely normal. I know I’m enormous, I don’t need you to point it out, just like people who carry small don’t need that pointed out either!!! I just don’t know why people feel the need to comment?!! I don’t comment on anyone else’s size, pregnant or otherwise!! On the plus side I did get a seat on the tube pretty early on 🙂 Also my first was 7 and a half pounds at 36 weeks, 95th centile I think, gave her plenty of chub to last on when she didn’t want to eat though so I consider it a good thing. And she is perfectly happy and healthy now 🙂

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I had my second wee boy 3 weeks ago and this drove me absolutely bananas! I was quite big, and the baby ended up being quite big (9lb6), but I was utterly miserable for most of the pregnancy with all sorts of ailments and some due to the size of my bump. It didn’t help when people kept commenting on how big I was, that my clothes didn’t really fit any more, that I was going to end up having the baby on Christmas Day (they just *knew* it!), and was I sure it wasn’t twins? Thankfully I was out of hospital for Christmas but due to the size of my wee boy, I’ve got a slow recovery ahead of me. It annoys me that people can make such flippant remarks about my appearance and size which ultimately resulted in a difficult birth. Rage. I’m also a petite 5foot 3 and normally a size 10, I’ve lost all the baby weight already though obviously not the same shape! 😂 just goes to show that it was all baby. But all that matters is that he is here safe and sound x

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Unfortunately I think what you’re experiencing is pretty normal Charlotte. It seems that once you’ve conceived a child people think your body is an appropriate subject to pass remark upon, both pre and post birth. I feel like I’ve had more comments on my physique in the months of my pregnancies and shortly after than during the rest of my years on this planet! Also, there are a number of stock phrases that get deployed when people are faced with an expectant mother, “you’re so big/neat” being the most common, and I think people say them regardless of your size.

Just before my last pregnancy became common knowledge in my workplace, a colleague approached me in the office (in earshot of others) and totally out of the blue asked me if I was expecting. I responded that I was and said he was a brave man asking me straight out, what if the answer had been no?! To which he replied, “I had a good look and I was pretty certain”!!! What the actual f? It was so ridiculous I actually had a laugh about it with my husband, but it would have been a different story if I’d been more of a sensitive soul or not pregnant!

I’m a similar height and build to you and if it’s any consolation I think people feel even freer to pass remark if you’re a small build. The changes to your body seem more extreme somehow and I think the assumption that you have no body issues if you’re slim is often made. Which is naive at best and outright stupid at worst.

For the record I think you look beautiful, as always. x

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 2:00 pm

Ah bless you Tracy, and I think you are right – I’m carrying all on the front, which is probably why I have diastasis recti, my abdominal muscles are buggered. But it’s almost as if that then gives the right for people to say how much bigger I am than….usual? I don’t know, just so unnecessary! x

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This is my first pregnancy and I am four months in and there is now a definite bump. I’ve always had a pretty flat stomach and have been a healthy gym goer but I found the first trimester nothing short of hellish (I would take the all day vomiting over the constant migraine any day) and found I could only manage the beige/carb diet that so many pregnant women speak of.

As such, I know I had just gained some weight, not pregnancy weight, the good old fashioned pizza and bread kind. So, when women kept telling me I had a bump I had to tell them that no, that was just a bit of chub!

Now I have a proper bump I have been horrified at the amount of people (women!) that DEMAND to see it. I am not at all comfortable with my pregnancy body and there have been many, many tears shed. I am not, and don’t think I ever will be, at one with the massive, painful breasts, or my heavy legs or the tummy that now lacks any kind of definition.

I also think my head has just gone MASSIVE! I mean huge, they should forget telling you the size of your baby in week X and tell you how big your own head is going to get! I am literally ALL FACE.

With this in mind, I have invested in all the baggy, longline jumpers (ones that cover the necessary parts when you’re wearing leggings and there has been a distinct lack of them this autumn winter, I tell you!) I can find.

It’s therefore find it quite disconcerting when people lunge at me and pull it to see said bump.

I actually want to scream in their face and say “Shall I do that to your post-Christmas stomach?” Thought not.

Also, if one more person uses the words radiant or blooming around me I shall scream as clearly I am neither of these things. I am an angry pregnant lady.

xxx

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P.S. I just need to add to this that my lips have also swollen. So much so that my MIL keeps referring to me as Kim Kardashian.

Just no, no, no.

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Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 1:54 pm

Pamela mine have too!!!! I’m looking at it as a positive – I’ve been treating myself to new lipstick x

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It’s more my bottom one than the top though! I look like I’m having a really good sulk about something!

Treats are always good. I have basically been living in Mint Velvet leggings and so every time I see a longline top that does not have florals on it that look like they belong to BHS I have to buy it just because!

John asked me why I was suddenly looking for long tops…he didn’t realise the need to have your lady parts covered when wearing leggings! I mean, honestly. I’ve learnt being pregnant that there are many, MANY times when your lady parts are not covered by anything but a paper towel, so when I am going about my daily life I ruddy well like them to be!!!!

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Towards the end of my second pregnancy I was asked almost daily if I was “sure there’s only one in there?” (I was sure thanks to science).
I was “all bump” both times and probably did look further along than I was but I didn’t need constantly reminding of it.
What really bothers me now though is thanks to the dreaded diastasis recti my tummy has a lot of loose skin and I’m still constantly asked if I’m pregnant. I try to be really positive about my post-baby body that gave me my lovely boys but it is very upsetting to have people (sometimes relative strangers) pick up on the thing you dislike most about yourself and point it out to you basically confirming your fears that it is indeed really obvious!
So sorry for the rant but in summary I agree. People should keep their opinions to themselves!

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Oh god I hate this – why do people feel they have a god given right to comment on everything to do with pregnancy, particularly your body?!

I remember when I was pregnant for the first time I went to a party, was tired, driving and not having a particularly great time and an old ‘friend’ came up to me and said “gosh you haven’t put on as much weight as I thought you would have done. But you do look nearly ready to pop”! I was only 6 months at the time! FFS!

You look amazing Charlotte xo

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Oh yes, it does happen to all of us. I especially love it when you get told that you’re both big and small within a short amount of time! It’s just such a subjective thing! And I agree with most here, it is none of their bloody business!
It’s my firstborn’s second birthday today and I am 32 weeks pregnant and it just makes me sooo broody! Other people’s opinion really don’t help in that situation!
Oh and Charlotte: You look absolutely lovely and I love your bump (I have a bit of a bump “fetish”, well I work in obs and it just makes me happy to see other women grow a new human!)

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Ahh Charlotte I can totally empathise with this. I’d literally hate going on the school run to collect the boys when I was pregnant with Anabelle, because parents who’d never taken the time to even smile at me in the playground before I was pregnant let alone talk to me would feel the need to comment on my size. I’d get “is it twins”, “haven’t you had it yet”, “you must be due soon”, “it’s going to be a big baby” “you sure you’ve only got one in there” “you’ll never go full term” blah, blah, blah. I’d go out of my way to make them feel comfortable about their inappropriate comments by smiling, nodding and agreeing with them. It was so exhausting. Somebody even said who ate you 🙁
Big hug lovely, you look absolutely fabulous xxxxx

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Oh god the haven’t you had it yet comments 🙄🙄🙄 ‘oh yes I have had it, just not sure where I’ve left it’

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Wish I’d said that Victoria, their reaction would have been priceless xxx

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Oh this brings back furious angry memories from last year! I had SPD from 17 weeks and carried all at the front, I’m not a small girl (5’11 and size 12-14) but my bump was genuinely huge. Didn’t excuse all the colleagues and acquaintances who felt compelled to constantly remind me how big my bump was! YES! I KNOW! I’M THE ONE WHO HAS TO TRY TO FIT IT IN CLOTHES AND KEEP IT WARM WHEN IT STICKS OUT OF THE BATH AND CARRY IT AROUND ALL DAY! The final straw, about 34 weeks, was when I was making my slow SPD-glam ascent upstairs at work and a colleague commented ‘WOW! Your ankles are SOOO swollen!’ Felt like kicking her in the head but contented myself with a gritted-teeth ‘THAT’S BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT!’ Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!x

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I got used to being told I looked like I’d swallowed a beach ball or football (I’m 5’8” Size 8 and it was all baby) and tried to see it as a compliment that I hadn’t put on weight elsewhere.

Sadly the comments don’t stop once the baby is born as I’m forever getting comments about the size of my baby ‘ooh she’s tiny, was she small at birth?’ (No, 8lb7.5) ‘She’s 5 months? Wow, our granddaughter is 3months and so much bigger’ (great, did you not notice we all come in different sizes)…etc etc. As I breastfeed I find it hard almost having to defend the quality of my milk!

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I have total sympathy with this. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my second and throughout this pregnancy, I’ve been besieged with comments about how big my bump is! In fact, someone (a man!) even asked me a few weeks ago if I was sure I had my due date right because I look like I’m about to pop at any moment…. I’ve perfected the art of gritting my teeth, smiling and changing the subject.

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Charlotte, you look gorgeous. And at 30 weeks pregnant, I hear ya! x

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I just think this is so rude. I am 35 weeks now and got asked by a lady in Sainsburys a couple of weeks before Christmas if I was having a Christmas baby. I politely responded that I was due mid Feb and she said (very loudly) ‘there is no chance that baby will be staying in past Christmas’. I managed to respond with that I hoped not as that woud be very early. I was told that she was ‘never wrong about these things’. She was, he is still tucked up safe inside me and my bump (although huge) is measuring fine.

In the same Sainsbury’s (maybe I should shop somewhere else) a couple of weeks after having my first daughter a woman rubbed my belly and asked when I was due, despite clearly being able to see my tiny baby in a pram with me. I cried but then spent the whole walk home wishing i’d rubbed her belly back.

Xxx

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I thankfully didn’t get too much of this although I did get a few “where’s your bump?!”s up to about 25 weeks as it didn’t really show til then – as if I’d lied about being pregnant! My pet peeve was my sister in law always referring to my “belly”, which just made me feel porky.

My cousin’s wife is a tiny build and carried on the petite side too, and was once on the tube with her “baby on board” badge on and (politely) asked a man if she could sit down – and he looked her up and down and said “as if”!!!! I couldn’t believe that he was accusing her of not actually being a pregnant woman.

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mm
Charlotte O'Shea
11th January 2018 5:30 pm

Oh my goodness?!!!!! What an absolute arse! As if you would wear that badge just to get a seat. Bloody idiot.

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I’m 33 weeks with my first baby and have actually been diagnosed with gestational diabetes about a month ago, but I’ve only gained 4 pounds since getting pregnant and baby is on 25th percentile, so having GD doesn’t necessarily lead to being big or having a big baby. I’ve been told I have low fluid too. People are still telling me I’m getting big whilst I’m worrying about all of this and whether baby is too small. It seems you just can’t win!

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You honestly cannot win. With my last pregnancy I looked quite small, and as it was my third people seemed genuinely disappointed that I wasn’t the size of a house. And I felt like I was somehow doing something wrong because I was little… was I not eating enough? Was I letting my baby down somehow that she didn’t have lots of room? She turned out to the biggest of my babies at birth…! It’s annoying how your body becomes public property when you’re expecting, people seem to think they can say whatever they like and it’s fine because you’re pregnant. x

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Oh Charlotte I totally get this. I’m currently 35 weeks so am well advanced into my second pregnancy, but had a real growth spurt between weeks 18-25 and had a very noticeable bump. The midwives were concerned re: the rapid expansion and as I’m under the care of a consultant after difficulty delivering my son 3 years ago, they wanted to keep a close eye to make sure I wasn’t carrying a big baby this time. I’m a size 8-10 and petite in the hip area and was getting very anxious about the potential of delivering a big baby through a small … erm… exit. One of the women at work – who admittedly doesn’t know me well – refers to me VERY frequently (e.g daily) as ‘Fatty Boom Boom’ and comments at least once a day on how big the bump is, swiftly followed by “But isn’t it odd how you’ve not put on an ounce of weight elsewhere?”

😡

THAT’S BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT, NOT OBESE, YOU FOUL BEAST OF BURDEN.

I don’t want to make a scene as we’re a very small team so haven’t said anything other than ‘no, not fat, just growing a baby’ between gritted teeth and making a swift exit.

Some people …

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I can completely empathise with all of the above, the comments are constant, contradictory and down right annoying as hell! I’ve been called fatty twice (once by a work colleague when I was only just showing, and she’d just had a baby the year before, and once by my FiL a few days ago (I’m 37 weeks now)), the checkout lady in Tesco asked if I was as big first time round and then I’ve had various people tell me I’m big and small in the same day! Why can’t people just either keep their mouths shut or say something nice?! Now I’ll just take my tired body off to sit on a gym ball or all fours as I try to turn my back to back baby when what I really want to do is lounge on the sofa! 😂Lx

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I can highly recommend pregnancy acupuncture for turning babies – my transverse baby turned after only one session!

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I had my first baby at the end of September and he was biiiiig, all 9 lbs 4 oz of him. I, therefore, was also very big. My pregnancy weight gain was significant – just under 5 stone, which is more akin to someone carrying twins. It was even more noticeable as I had been an athletic size 6-8 pre-pregnancy (I used to run, a lot) and started gaining weight from the moment I pee’d on that stick!
NOTHING fit me in my wardrobe when I was only 8 weeks pregnant.
I was well aware of my significant size increase and it really upset me every time people commented on it, which they did, a lot. “Gosh you’re huge” (yes I know) “You must be due soon!” (err nope I’ve got 3 months left) “Are you sure you’re not having twins” (yes I’m sure idiot) “wow your ankles have disappeared” (yes I’m aware of that)…..
However, as frustrating as this was, it was quite ironic because pre-pregnancy, I was one of those people!
I used to always comment on the size of my female friends/colleagues bumps, because at the time I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what I was saying. A bump is a feature that attracts interest and comment, and I was not being hurtful at all when I used to do this, I was just showing interest.
I would never do it now, having been through pregnancy myself and experienced the rollercoaster of emotions and protection you feel over your bump. But I have to take such comments with a pinch of salt and try to cut people some slack, because I know they may not think they’re doing anything wrong, as I didn’t years ago 😬

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Oh for heaven’s sake. This is England. They are just making conversation. Once you’ve popped I can assure you you’ll revert to anonymity. Whilst they silently contemplate your post partum eye bags.

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