When I found out I was pregnant with Leo, I shouted it from the rooftops. There is no greater joy than wanting to have a baby and then finding out that you have been so lucky as to have actually made one! I bought a little frame for his scan photo and that was his first introduction to the world… via a Facebook post; after closest friends and family had been informed.

Then we experienced a miscarriage. The polar opposite of emotions. I wasn’t sure how it would feel to hear about other peoples pregnancies after that. But I know myself and I knew that I would never feel any malice or jealousy over people who got pregnant and had wonderful, safe, happy and healthy pregnancies because like I say, I know there is no greater joy.

And then the stream of scan photos started to appear on my feed. I was thrilled to see them, so happy for those families that were just starting or expanding; I’ve enjoyed many a creative photo or video for pregnancy announcements and I love that people are so keen to mark the occasion and we should share all the happiest moments of our lives because let’s be honest, people only tend to remember and talk more about the negative ones so it’s good to share the joy. But with each happy thought for those families came a pang of pain. When would it be my turn again? I wish I’d got to see that scan. What would we be doing now if our little baby had of been? Why the hell was it taking me (what felt like) so long to get pregnant again?

Time went on and it seemed like everyone was getting their turn. I watched babies go from 12 weeks old to 20 weeks and then to fully fledged human beings. How blummin’ wonderful to see so many success stories. And eventually, I made my peace. It was December; my birthday, christmas, a time to be thankful for everything we have. And I had a lot. So I drank, I got merry and I moved forward. What a relief.

And then on January 6th, almost a year to the date of my miscarriage and a good month of me finding the ‘peace’ I so needed to find… I found out I was pregnant!

I’m having a baby!

I am thrilled. I am petrified. I am anxious. I am excited. I am so very happy. And I am also feeling so very… Cautious.

And so therefore, there won’t be any ‘announcement’ this time round. I know, I’ve just told you so how is that not announcing it? I guess I mean that I see things differently now. I feel safe here, like I can tell you, our wonderful community, because you have been there with me. You know my story, I can tell you without fear of upsetting anyone, I hope. You get me. But I am now so aware of those many people on my social media feeds who will feel that crushing pain at seeing another scan photo. And please don’t misunderstand me, I am 100% behind people announcing their pregnancies, it just feels very different for me now.

I spoke to Anthony about it at the weekend and he, weirdly, is exactly the same as me. He hasn’t told anyone he works with, except for a random man he sat next to one day the other week. I think it’s that we don’t want to jinx ourselves? We don’t want to get too excited. We know how awful it is to be excited and have it ripped away. Straight after Leo’s scan, we bought him an outfit. I’ve not thought about anything like that this time round. What a strange mix of emotions. I’m not sure we’ll be entirely relaxed about any of it until that little baby is in our arms sometime in September.

Have any of you felt like that? Did you announce your pregnancy in anyway or did you keep it relatively quiet? Did you have a fab announcement video or creative way of letting people know about your new baby? I’d love to hear your stories.