Even in the very early days of Rock My Family’s conception and development, it was really important to all of us to create a blog that focused on babies and families but also on pregnancy too. After all it’s a mind-boggling, anxiety-inducing, heart-racing, awe-inspiring nine month journey with life-changing consequences.
We read all of your comments, on all of the posts and we know that a decent size of our community are currently pregnant be it for the first or fourth time (and all the others in between too!). We’re so excited for all of you.
Whilst each member of the RMF team has at least one child of their own, not one of us is currently pregnant so although we’re with you every step of the way, we aren’t currently experiencing the highs and lows of pregnancy in real time so to speak. With this in mind we thought it would be a good idea to share a post written by someone who actually is riding the pregnancy train as we speak.
Step in my sister-in-law Laura who is currently 20 weeks pregnant – half way through! – who will share her thoughts, the trials and tribulations of pregnancy as she finds it. I’m so excited for her and for Hector who will shortly have a brand new cousin to play with.
Over to Laura….
Laura
As I stared down at the little white stick, I already knew what I was about to read in the little window. I had been feeling very nauseous during the last few days of my honeymoon and my boobs were feeling rather sore – 1-2 weeks pregnant appeared. Eeeek! My husband and I had decided that we were going to start trying for a baby at the end of July, after getting married in the May. I am 32 now after all and we felt that it was time to start a family. However rather than a rush of excitement, joy and happiness, I was suddenly overcome by a sense of anxiety, fear and panic. Everything that one could possibly worry about being pregnant sprang into my mind. What if I miscarry? I’m never going to sleep again! What if we always argue about the baby? What if I love it too much or not enough? Am I mature enough to be a Mum? Will I cope with my body changing? Oh my god no wine for 9 months!
I really did panic and for some reason felt totally alone! Thoughts of ‘I shouldn’t feel like this, what is wrong with me?’ repeated over and over in my mind. After lengthy discussions with my husband and emotional conversations with my parents, I visited my GP for advice and support; she was wonderful and gave me several options to help me and lots of practical advice to calm me down.
My sister also talked me through my worries being a mum herself to two small girls, she’s been there and got the t-shirt so to speak. Once the initial days passed I started to feel calmer and clearer in my mind. I’ve since decided to take each day as it comes and write down my main concerns to refer back to if I need to.
Physically, at first I felt very sick, almost like being hung-over (without the fun part) and found that really the only thing that helped was eating little and often. As for my good friend wine, I had no desire to actually drink as the thought of it actually made me want to vomit and the feeling of guilt was so strong I knew I wouldn’t actually enjoy it. After about week 8 or 9 the nauseous feeling did stop and other than feeling like I needed the toilet a lot I felt fairly normal really.
The worry started to build up slightly again just before my twelve week scan. I was scared of the possibility of a blank empty ultrasound screen staring back at me. What if it had three heads? Am I going to let my husband down? However when the midwife swiped the magic scanner across my tummy, the images of a little baby with a racing heartbeat brought a tear to my eye and a sigh of relief.
I decided quite early on to look into some kind of fitness regime, primarily to exercise and secondly to meet some other pregnant women. When I was 14 weeks pregnant, I started pregnancy yoga which I really enjoy as it’s gentle but you can feel that you’re giving your body a little workout and the attention it may need. The best part of yoga however is definitely the last 10 minutes, lying down with cushions, on a comfy mat with dimmed lights to the background of dingily dangly music; I can physically feel myself just relax. It was week 15 that brought the first real signs of a baby bump and I then had to give in and buy myself some maternity jeans. This was both weird and reassuring at the same time. Weird because my tummy did start to expand and get a bit itchy and reassuring as it was a sign of things progressing and the baby growing.
Luckily I haven’t really suffered with many crappy pregnancy things other than the occasional feeling of nausea and slight heartburn. And so far I have been able to (mostly) enjoy my pregnancy which I feel super grateful for because I know that some women really go through the mill.
I’m now approaching my 20 week scan and again the anxiety has built up slightly. But I can only hope and wait and see what that will bring. I do feel very lucky and blessed to be pregnant and to have the chance to carry a baby and I’ll continue to try and remain positive until the day the baby arrives. For me it has been important and helpful to talk to friends and family and realise I am not alone in having these feelings. My friends tell me that the worry and feelings of anxiety will never fully go away, even when the baby is here. However the happy times and feelings of love which lay ahead will make it all worthwhile.
So there you have it – Laura’s story. How many of you are pregnant at the moment? How many of you have felt similar feelings to those Laura has talked about above? We’d love to hear from you all in the comments box below…
Great post – I am almost 18 weeks into my first pregnancy and your journey, Laura, sounds very familiar! After trying to get pregnant for a while I thought I’d be ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant but instead I was awash with stress and anxiety for the first few weeks, I’d almost managed to convince myself something was definitely wrong with my pregnancy before I’d seen any medical professional at all. I also felt quite alone as my doctors surgery wouldn’t book an appointment with midwife until I was 9/10 weeks and I had so many questions. I ended up at the out of hours doctor at 7 weeks with cramping and that visit, and the doctors very matter of fact approach, actually calmed me down in a lot of ways and taught me to take each day as it comes. My husband also struggled in the 1st 12 weeks. He just wanted to know everything was ok. Our 12 week scan was an amazing experience, when we caught the first glimpse of our baby, the sense of relief was palpable and from that point on I have begun to actually enjoy my pregnancy.
I’ve been very lucky with my pregnancy symptoms too, I only felt nauseous if I didn’t eat often enough (definitely concur with the hangover part – I probably could’ve eaten a Big Mac every day which I would never normally crave!) I realise how lucky I am as my sister suffered from awful sickness for 5 months with her pregnancy. Other than that I need the loo a lot, my skin and scalp has got dryer, I have occasional insomnia and I keep sneezing!
We are now looking forward to the 20 week scan which is on New Year’s Eve.
Thanks for sharing your pregnancy story, Laura x
That’s so funny Sophie, I couldnt stop sneezing either!! I hadn’t heard of it as a recognised pregnancy symptom before, but actually reading your post has just made me realise that my sneezing has subsided now (I’m 25 weeks).
Me ??, I’m pregnant!
I definitely shared Laura’s anxieties early on in my pregnancy, having had a previous miscarriage. I was constantly anxious, expecting to find bleeding every time I went to the loo. My symptoms were relatively minor in the early stages and, as ridiculous as it sounds, I was actually wishing for some morning sickness just for some reassurance! I stuffed all of the pregnancy pamphlets in a drawer, thinking I’d read them later, but really I didn’t want to let myself get too used to the idea in case it all went wrong again.
Even after the 12 week scan my husband was so excited to tell everyone and I tried to convince him we should wait – I hated the idea of the wider world knowing, as it was more people to tell if I miscarried again.
At about 13/14 weeks even my minor symptoms had gone and it was too early for a bump or to feel anything, so I got myself worked up again, convincing myself the midwife wouldn’t be able to find a heartbeat at my 16 week check up.
Well, she did find the heartbeat and the appointment was so quick and routine that I felt silly for having got myself in such a state. It was at that point I gave myself a good talking to and decided that I had to relax and enjoy the pregnancy.
I’m now 25 weeks, expanding by the day and feeling lots of kicks, which definitely helps on the reassurance front. I’m much more relaxed and enjoying being pregnant now.
I think it’s understandable for first timers to be anxious as you don’t know what’s normal, plus everyone has a different ‘normal’! I think it helps just concentrating on one week at a time though.
Congrats Laura! I know how you feel about the anxiety and mums and dads tell me that never really goes away – you’re in for worrying for the long haul. 😉
I’m 25 weeks but have had a very different experience – I had hyperemesis gravidarum from about 8 to 16 weeks and was off work for 9 weeks. It was without a doubt the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life – I lost about 10kgs and couldn’t eat anything or drink much at all – I was stuck in bed too weak and ill to do anything (even watching TV made me sick). Plus I had the added panic of knowing I wasn’t the only person in the equation – there was a little bub to worry about also! For anyone going through HG, just to reassure you that it rarely affects the baby, mine has grown at a stonking rate, despite the fact I hardly ate anything at all for weeks! The human body really is amazing.
I’m now 25 weeks and still nauseous all the time but haven’t thrown up for 3 whole weeks, which feels like such an achievement! 😉 The nausea is also much much more manageable, I can eat and drink and go to work etc. I’m on a support group for HG sufferers and someone women throw up the entire way through – absolutely heros, I don’t know how they mentally keep going (because they have to I suppose!). It’s amazing how different pregnancies are (my mum had no symptoms at all so wasn’t expecting this) but it’s made me more appreciative of my health and now I’m actually starting to enjoy being pregnant and feeling bub kick up a storm in there. Pregnancy yoga sounds fun – will look into that!
Sorry Laura, my first sentence sounds a bit mean written down! It was meant to be a light comment about how everyone worries about the kids – gosh darn you written words. 😉
AW Kate, hugs to you, glad you’re feeling better now. A friend had HG during her pregnancy and it sounded awful 🙁
Definitely have a look at a pregnancy yoga class, it was the best thing I did during pregnancy! I actually went to two, one ‘proper’ class and one run by the NCT called ‘Relax, Stretch & Breathe’ where you mainly bounced on a yoga ball, pretended to have contractions and then ate jaffa cakes and chatted about being terrified of labour! Both were so great for meeting other pregnant ladies and making myself feel prepared (or as prepared as you can be) x
Thanks Fern! Erm, a fitness class where I can eat jaffa cakes, SIGN ME UP. 🙂
Haha yes, less of a ‘fitness class’ more of a mothers (to be) meeting…x
I am! 60 days today with our first baby! I understand Laura’s worries – I have a constant niggle at the moment as I haven’t really had many symptoms – very tired, occasional sore boobs but that’s it. I’ve ended up doing 6 tests just to keep making sure it’s real! My first scan is on Jan 5 so I have a whole Christmas period to get through coming up with excuses for not drinking! (Very unlike me!) I think I’ll just constantly carry round a glass of untouched prosecco at the work party! I just can’t wait for the scan and to know that everything is ok….. 12 weeks is such a long time to have to wait for reassurance on such an important, life changing thing!
This is a great post.
I am currently pregnant with my first and can definitely relate to the anxiety part!
After trying for over 2.5 years, we had ivf which in itself bought a lot of sleepless nights and worries – I think after all that time you never get your hopes up about actually getting pregnant. You constantly manage your expectations. I thought if I got that positive pregnancy test, I would just float away in a world of pregnancy happiness.
What actually happened was 5 weeks of terror about losing something I couldn’t believe had actually happened. I was lucky that I was able to have an early scan at 7.5 weeks because I had received ivf but the wait to have the scan was almost unbearable. All I googled was statistics on miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and the dreaded missed miscarriage.
A lack of symptoms didn’t help me either, it just convinced me that that pregnancy tests were wrong and any moment someone was going to come along and say ‘not really!’.
I agree with all the other comments, getting to that first scan makes such a difference. I still worry but now I know something is in there! I also took a degree in comfort in thinking that even if I did have a miscarriage, it was because that baby wasn’t viable and it’s the bodies way of telling you that. Not because you have done anything wrong at all.
Good luck to everyone!
Fran, I so agree about the reality of getting a positive pregnancy test being so different! I thought I’d feel nothing but “YIPPEE” but all I could think was “I CANNOT CELEBRATE UNTIL 12 WEEKS”. And then even at 12 weeks and beyond, it’s hard not to worry about it – I’m 25 weeks now and if I don’t feel a few kicks every now and then I go into panic mode! It’s reassuring to know that everyone feels that way. 😉
Hi Laura,
Thanks for sharing your journey so far with our RMF community 🙂 I loved reading your post and it made me really miss being pregnant – it’s such an amazing time and I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better now. A really bad hangover without the fun is the best way to describe morning sickness! It’s horrible – all I could stomach was cheese, tomatoes and carbs – so I basically ate pizza for 3 months. And I could only drink iced water – it had to be freezing cold otherwise it made me feel ill.
Pregnancy yoga was the absolute best thing I did during my pregnancy – I’d recommend doing a class to everyone, the breathing practice is just so, so, SO useful for labour and it keeps you moving but in a really gentle way. Are you swimming too? I’d recommend that as well, it feels so nice as you start to get bigger and gives you a bit of a cardio work out when running, and even walking too far, gets uncomfortable.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! And enjoy the relaxation at the end of your yoga class – it’s a whole different ball game when you try to do yoga at home with a baby crawling over your face…x
Currently 24 weeks pregnant and loving all the comments! I definitely found the first 12 weeks the hardest and the loneliest. I actually had very few symptoms other than feeling crazy tired but not being able to share the news with anyone (other than our parents) or having any real medical confirmation was hard and 12 weeks is a really long time! Because of this we actually paid for an early 8 week scan which was so utterly reassuring to see something and a heart beat! At every scan I do get that immediate fear of “what if there’s nothing there”! Otherwise I have really tried to relax and enjoy being pregnant for the first time. Finding out it is a boy at the 20 week scan and now feeling lots of kicks has made it all seem real!! I love my weekly pregnancy yoga and have signed up for hypnobirthing classes in the new year. Trying to keep zen and calm for this little baby’s arrival!
It’s so lovely to read a post from someone who is at a similar stage, thanks Laura.
I’m 22 weeks pregnant and totally agree with the other comments about how lonely the first 12 weeks can be. We were so excited to find out we were pregnant but after our first doctor’s appointment at 4 weeks, felt rather deflated as they very matter of factly told me what not to eat/drink, handed a copy of Emma’s Diary over and asked me to book in with the midwife at 10 weeks. Where were the congratulations, party poppers and balloons?! Then, you start worrying that something has happened to the baby but have no one to talk to apart from your husband and Dr Google which is probably the worst thing to do ever! Dr Google not your husband…
I also found weeks 13 to 19 worrying too as my earlier symptoms had gone but I couldn’t feel any kicks/flutters either. Now at 22 weeks, the baby is happily kicking away (as I type!) which is just the daily reassurance I need.
Looking forward to the next update 🙂
Congratulations Laura and all you other pregnant girlies!
I’m currently 31 one weeks pregnant and had a rollercoaster journey so far. While baby and I have been physically healthy, I was totally unprepared for the stress, anxiety, tears and generally feeling strange and unlike my old self.
Fortunately I escaped morning sickness, but really suffered from fatigue, especially during the first 15 weeks, and could barely keep my eyes open or focus on every day things like my business and house renovation. I lost all interest in cooking (which I usually love) and couldn’t stomach any fruit and vegetables during this time, which sparked a whole lot of worry about not giving the baby enough nutrients!
Like others have mentioned, the wait for and between scans was so stressful, as well as waiting to feel those first flutters. I’m quite a relaxed, laid back person normally, so found all this anxiety totally new and overwhelming!
I found it difficult to talk openly about these things as I didn’t want to seem like a Debbie downer during this “special time”. I also realised how very lucky I was to have gotten pregnant so quickly while some of my friends are struggling or have no chance of conceiving at all.
I’ve started to feel better since joining an NCT group, so thoroughly recommend this. Although the aches and pains have really kicked in now, I’m feeling much more positive and can’t wait to meet our baby. Roll on February! I (mostly) enjoy the baby’s kicks and squirms, as I find them very reassuring. I’ve found it difficult getting used to slower pace of life as I just couldn’t physically and mentally carry on working at the pace I was before, but knowing it’s all for the health of the baby makes it easier to deal with.
This post and the comments have made me feel so much better about the anxieties I’ve been having so thank you all. I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and I’ve been alternating between being excited and terrified about it. I have definitely found this second trimester harder in terms of anxiety. I had a miscarriage last year and an ectopic pregnancy at the beginning of this year so even though I ended up having two extra scans at 6 and 7 weeks (to check baby was in the right place) I think part of me still expected it to all go wrong before my 12 week scan. Since then though my anxiety levels have increased as like Naomi my earlier symptoms decreased and I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was kicks. Thankfully they are on the way down now although a part of me can’t help thinking that my body is playing some very cruel trick on me. Fingers crossed my scan goes well tomorrow and I can celebrate this weekend with my family at our annual family Christmas weekend.
Just to clarify my anxiety levels are on their way down not the flutters I’m hoping are kicks.
I have my 20 week scan tomorrow as well! Very excited, but also completely with you on the ups and downs and anxieties. The first movements I felt were so delicate that I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined them, but the last couple of days they’ve been a bit more definite, which has made me feel much less anxious.
Sorry for your previous losses, and fingers crossed all goes well for you tomorrow.
Great post and really reassuring! I’m just over 5 weeks now after a very short period of trying. My husband and I are thrilled but also shocked as I definitely expected it to take longer. I must have taken about 10 tests over the past two weeks as I was convinced I imagined it (nuts, I know). I’m not feeling to bad, exhausted though and the nausea has just started, like a constant travel sickness. I read somewhere that a woman described it like having two stomachs, one that wants to eat all the time and one that feel queasy at the mere though of food :D. We’re going to have an early scan just before Christmas as we’re hosting and I think it’s going to be impossible to keep it from both our families – no mulled wine or prossecco or blue cheese for me! I’ll feel more reassured knowing there is a heartbeat and telling family, although we won’t make any announcements until after the 12 week scan.
Overall, I’m more excited than anxious but the biggest part of me still can’t quite believe it! The only real damper is that we just found out that my husband’s employer has lost their government funding for next year so it looks like he and his whole team will be made redundant in January 🙁
I forgot to add, the scan is private, I’m very lucky that I have private health insurance through my work and this seemed like a good enough reason to finally make use of it!
I’ve loved reading all your comments ladies. It’s amazing how varied our pregnancies are but yet reassuring in someway that we’re all going through similar emotions. I’m definitely going to look up the pregnancy Jaffa cake eating classes though – they sound ace!
Hehe x
It’s so nice to see a pregnancy post and read all the comments, very reassuring to know I’m not the only one finding the worry and anxiety perhaps the hardest thing to cope with (in addition to the exhaustion, nausea, etc…!)
I am 11 weeks into my first pregnancy, but have already had quite an eventful time and two scans… one during a rather scary A&E visit with a threatened miscarriage and the other to check ‘viability’ (horrible word) before starting treatment for blood clotting problems (which involves me injecting myself every day until the birth – not fun!!)
Like others, until the scan I was completely convinced that I wasn’t really pregnant or there would be something wrong with the baby, and had googled every potential complication going! However, what the scan actually revealed was not one but two healthy little heartbeats…… twins!
I am currently feeling very overwhelmed but excited. I’d just about got used to the idea of one baby (a ‘how on earth am I going to cope with twins’ post would be very welcome!)
we’ve told close family and a few friends, but waiting for 12 weeks to announce properly, as everything still feels so fragile and scary…
I’m currently 39 weeks pregnant and despite getting norovirus at 10 weeks pregnant I have been lucky but it hasn’t stopped the anxiety as it is my first. I am googling everything and trying not to. Midwife says my baby may be back to back do trying all sorts of methods to turn baby but getting more and more anxious as time ticks on knowing it may be a more painful labour.
I have met some great friends through yoga and Aqua yoga and hugely recommend everyone to go to something as its really good for your mental health to speak to people going through the same thing and have the same worries. As much as our men may be supportive they just can’t know how we are exactly feeling or why we are thinking irrational thoughts.
Good luck everyone- it’s an exciting time!
This time last year I was coming up 6 months pregnant, this time this year we are hanging up our daughter’s first stocking!
I didn’t enjoy pregnancy at all but do feel nostalgic now- it’s amazing how the rose tinted specs come out! Yoga and swimming kept me together.
Have a fab Christmas everyone, enjoy “eating for two (or 3!) on the big day!
Just let me say it: pregnancy is a miracle! No matter how much you know about it, nothing prepares you for what it actually feels like! I knew quite a lot about it since I am a doctor in gyn&obs, but it didn’t help me at all after I finally fell pregnant with our first child after a year and a half of trying! I’m now at 37 weeks and so happy and grateful and awed at the experience that is pregnancy! I absolutely love my little “bump inhabitant” and don’t feel ready at all to let him into this world within just a few weeks time. The first 12 weeks took absolutely ages especially if you consider, that we didn’t even know about our then poppy seed until week 6, but damn time speeds up after that! I wish everyone all the best for their pregnancy!