Three months after having Elle, I started back at work. It was a decision that was kind of made for me (we needed the money) and although it was tough, with hindsight it was the right one, as getting stuck into work really helped me to recover from my baby-blues. Working around Elle has been a rollercoaster ride and one which is very far removed from some of the things I’ve seen and read on the internet (namely Instagram). This article from The Glitter Guide made me simultaneously weep and laugh out loud. For me it just hasn’t been possible to be at home, look after my baby and work at the same time. Something had to give.

Elle started at her childminders at seven months old, so the first four months back at work were completed at her will. My work was done when she napped, during the evenings and whenever she would sit happily in her bouncer. There were days when this worked like a dream. But of course there were other days where this just didn’t happen.

And if I’m honest, this was the majority of days.

There was just too much to do – housework, cooking, looking after Elle and doing my job as RMW Editor was just an impossible juggling act. I was exhausted – working late into the evenings meant I found it really hard to get to sleep. Then I’d get up at 6am to fit in an hour of work before Elle woke up. The house was an absolute tip and the meals I was serving the family were pretty dire, and that’s putting it mildly.

And this is just the practical stuff – wait until you factor in the guilt. Feeling like you should be doing something more stimulating for your baby. That you should be enjoying those precious, fleeting moments of babyhood. And it’s pretty miserable for your partner sitting on the sofa waiting for you to finish work on a Friday evening…

I found it a welcome relief when Elle started to attend childcare. There was now some clear separation and structure to my week. As she has become a toddler and I’ve increased my hours back at work, I feel like I’ve finally struck a balance I’m OK with. I work four days a week, and Elle has three full days in childcare. That’s one day a week to make up during her naps or during evenings. And I get to spend four proper days with her.

I’ve learnt to be more strict with accepting invitations because although my working set up offers wonderful flexibility, people often don’t take working from home seriously. Family and friends assume I’ll be able to move things around for them. I still have deadlines, urgent actions to respond to and calls to make. My amount of work each week doesn’t change, so if it’s not finished one day, it has to be done the next.

Another thing I’ve struggled with is loneliness. Being a new mum can feel very isolating, sometimes working away from the house, surrounded by people is a welcome change. I absolutely love my job, but definitely miss the camaraderie that working alongside others offers. Sometimes I’ll go to a cafe to work or even the library just so I actually see some real life human beings during the day.

I’m well aware that my job is incredible in many, many ways – not only is it great to be able to throw things in the washing machine during a tea break, tidy up the house before Elle gets home and have absolutely zero commute, I also LOVE what I do. If anyone is thinking about changing their career path, I’d say go for it. It’s challenging and there will be times (sometimes months on end) where you are working evenings and weekends. The reward is worth it. But you cannot do it without some form of childcare – in my experience it’s just not possible.

(Alternatively you could hire a cleaner, a personal chef and a PA 😉 and for the record, my desk absolutely never looks like the image above!)