I blinked and a year passed me by. A year of sleepless nights, a year of tired frustrations and a year of ‘hang on a minute’, a year of ‘yeah in a second’, a year of ‘ok, maybe in a bit’. A year of seemingly putting Leo on hold. To say that I have found managing two babes tough would be an understatement (I’m happy to talk about this a bit more in another post if anyone is interested). The day to day juggling act has been very hard work and throw in a mass of sleep deprivation (which we are still navigating our way through) I have felt like a failure on more than one occasion. Don’t get me wrong, there have been good days where the universe aligns with my schedule and things go right and I congratulate myself on those days but one of the things I’ve found the most difficult is putting my time with Leo to one side. And it wasn’t something I really realised until a few months ago. I never noticed how much it was ‘just us’ before. And it made me sad. I felt like I needed to do something, take some sort of action and get back to reconnecting with him.
Leo starts school in a mere three weeks (more to come on that subject in a couple of weeks) and after hearing myself say for the millionth time ‘hang on a second babe, we can do it this afternoon’ and watching the disappointment fall across his face I decided to take him out of nursery with 5 weeks to go before he starts. I figured the days that Tayo is in nursery I would cut my working day short and we would spend a couple of hours together doing whatever he wanted and try and reconnect. I just felt like I needed to show him that there is still time for him and that he is still so important to me. and actually, I really miss him so the plan was that we would both benefit form it.
Day one of just me and him arrived. Wow. I forgot how ‘easy’ having just one is! It certainly never felt easy before Tayo arrived but then I think a year has passed, he seems to have grown up so much. He was so easy to ‘manage’. He played for four hours whilst I got some work done and then we went on a bike ride. Just me and him. We ate a picnic. He told me ‘mommy this is just the perfect picnic’. I secretly wept into my Pringles.
And so the pattern has continued. We’ve been to the skate park, we’ve been shopping, we’ve played badminton and football, we’ve read all of his favourite books (SO lovely to read in the middle of the day and not through tired eyes at bed time) and once I’ve finished penning this, we’re off swimming. I have plans for a cinema trip next week and a trip to the beach the following. I know it isn’t representative of real life but hell, I don’t care. I think that sacrificing a few hours work (and therefore money) a day is an excellent price to pay for getting some quality time with my boy before he goes off to school and he’s out of the house every day (what will that even be like!)
We’re on our second week and I had major concerns about my decision to have them both three days out of the working week but turns out it was the best decision. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to ask him to be patient on the days that Tayo is home too and I don’t suppose there will be any getting around that whilst he is still so dependent on me but I just hope that putting some extra effort in with him will make him remember fun mom and understand that I will always do my best to make time for him.
Do you feel a bit disconnected from your first born after having another? How do you make sure you make time for them? I wonder if there are some traditions I should start – dedicating every other Saturday to some ‘us’ time or something. Do you do anything like that?