A family blog seems like a strange place to discuss no longer having children, but I suppose the eventuality comes to most families when they ask the question shall we have another, or shall we hang up our hats?
My husband Rob and I have been blessed with three healthy, happy, beautiful children which we absolutely adore, and for that reason we have decided to concentrate all of our love and attention on these three gorgeous souls, and stick as a family of five.
My husband broached the subject of finalising our family of five after a pregnancy scare. Whilst I was secretly hoping for two lines to appear on the pregnancy test, my husband was visibly relieved it was only one. He knew having another baby would undoubtably impact the lives of our current children. We would most definitely have had to have bought another car, possibly looked at moving house or extending and we certainly wouldn’t have been able to afford going out to dinner, cinema or other weekend adventures with these financial implications. Whilst I was already working out my due date, choosing names and wondering if it would be a boy or a girl.
I wasn’t prepared for the heartbreak I would feel seeing only one line instead of two and tried to convince my husband we should have another child. His reasons for not extending our family were far stronger than mine for pro creating again, and after discussing all the pros and cons I’d gone from wanting to have another baby to agreeing to him having a vasectomy.
I must confess I was a little shocked he wanted to have it done. From what I can gather from friends husbands they have not been as keen to mess with their bits and pieces and need some gentle persuading, but volunteer he did. He wasn’t once nervous and still stands by his (our) decision to have it done.
We’d explored many methods of contraception before agreeing on the procedure and had several consultations with our doctor and the consultant carrying out the procedure before booking a date. This really was our last option.
The procedure itself was relatively straight forward, taking place at our local Doctors surgery. I naively took along a book hoping to get a bit of me time, but I’d barely managed a chapter before it was complete and I was taking him home to nurse. We had to keep the children from jumping on him for a few days, but other than that the recovery period was super quick.
It has currently been a month since his procedure and I still get a pang of sadness that we will no longer be having another baby. I still whole heartedly agree with my husbands decisions for not having another child, and in all honesty I can not envision how another child would fit into our current family dynamics, but the finality of it all definitely upsets me. After all we make such beautiful babas. (Totally biased mum here).
We still have a little way to go in our journey yet, my husband still has to have the all clear from the consultant that the procedure was a success. Maybe there’s still time for another baby after all? I’m a great believer in things happening for a reason.
Has anybody else decided not to extend their family and considered a permanent contraception procedure? Was it your idea, or did your partner take a little coaxing?
Image by Little Beanies