When Leo was first born, Anthony worked from home. It was amazing. He was there most of the time except for meetings. I mean, obviously he was working but he was just there, on hand, he was company and he got to see all of Leo’s developments as and when they happened.

He changed jobs and although he still worked from home there were more meetings, more time in the office, he rarely collected Leo from nursery or had his mornings with him. He worked from home twice a week and stayed away one night. He still got a reasonable amount of time with Leo… And me.

We made the decision that he would apply for a job closer to home, so we would have more time together in the week as weekends seemed to be taken up with meeting family and friends and other engagements. He got the job!

Then his existing employer offered him (within reason) whatever he wanted to stay. With more responsibility comes more commitment and not necessarily more time per se but more investment, more need to interact face to face with people.

We spent an entire week weighing up the pros and cons of both jobs. Less money, closer to home, less future prospects vs more money, not commutable, more future prospects.

We went with the latter. Meaning Anthony would be away from Sunday night until late Thursday evening. You will notice that throughout this whole process it was WE. A difficult decision we made together. I was part of making myself a work widow.

I miss him.

I have been finding it hard, juggling my boy, my dog, my career. BUT, I know it is all for the greater good. It is so we can provide the best for our family. It is so we can live somewhere that gives our boy the best chance in life. It’s not for the ‘things’, it’s for the life. But it is hard and some may argue that life should be about being together, and I wouldn’t disagree. And Leo does miss him, even at two and a half. He knows he’s not here and he asks for him every day. But the time they do share is priceless and it’s really quality.

We moved with the intention of being closer to the other job but in doing so, we remain a good distance from our family and main friendship groups. Meaning the week can be a lonely time. No one can just pop round… But then again, I’m not sure they would anyway as everyone is so busy these days?

And I am lucky. I am so lucky. I have a husband who has said to me, ‘I will quit my job so we can be together’, ‘we can move to be closer to your parents if it makes YOU feel better’, ‘I want YOU to be happy’, ‘YOU are my life’.

It would seem that all the balls are in my court for the next step.

I don’t want to take anything away from him and asking him to quit his job would feel like that. He really enjoys his job. Fairly early in our relationship he sacrificed a lot so that I could follow my dreams of becoming a Graphic Designer and without him, I wouldn’t be talking to you about this. I don’t know where I’d be.

And so when I feel lonely on an evening, I pick up the phone, I skype him. I see his face. And I know we are doing the right thing for our family. It wouldn’t be the right thing for everyone but currently, it works for us. Hard or not.

Having said that, we are looking to make another house move. That’s where I could do with your advice. The job is great and its likely any future jobs would be down south… so do we move further that way? Would he see us much more than he does now if he had an hours commute? Surely Leo would still be in bed by the time he got home? OR, do we move to be closer to friends and family? So I have more contact with and support from people but still not him? If we were to extend our family who would help me with the 3am feeds when I’m not coping?

 

 

Image by Little Beanies