To say I was obsessed with making sure Elle napped when she was little is probably an understatement. It was the centre of our whole existence for a really long time and my attitude towards it could be described as a complete waste of energy. She’s never been a particularly routine child and I’m not sure why I was so hell bent on making sure she slept.
Oh the benefit of hindsight. It would have saved hours of me pushing the pram around, shhhhhing and rocking her in a darkened room, attempting to feed her into oblivion and just generally being a bit of a d*ck. In that blur of a first year, I fretted about sleep SO much, googling ‘how much sleep should a 5/6/7/8 month old have during the day?’ You know those articles that suggest earlier naps, catching the baby before they get too tired, putting them down before they start rubbing their eyes? Sleep breeds sleep. Yep I read them, and actually believed them. Hahahahahahahaha. HA. I don’t know if any of the authors of those post have ever actually met a baby?!? But the one thing I DO know is that they never do what you want them to. Well Elle certainly didn’t anyway!
Now I’m a little further down this motherhood journey, I realise that Elle is a sleep fighter through and through, and will sleep whenever she damn well pleases.
Those silly hours spent stressing over when was the right time to drop her nap were pointless. It just kind of happens, like with weaning, like with crawling and walking, they all just do it at some point. And it’s usually a different point for each child too. Truth be told, I now can’t even remember when Elle went from three naps to two, to one.
Now we’re reaching new territory – the no nap days. And OMG it’s like walking a tight rope. All hell starts to break lose at around 4pm and if you let them fall asleep on the sofa – then be prepared for a long night ahead with a toddler who won’t go to bed.
Depending on what we’ve been doing during the day, sometimes Elle will nap after lunch (never happily, there’s always a fight) but more often than not these days, she’ll go straight through until bedtime.
No more speed cleans of the house while she snoozes, no more power-hours on my laptop, catching up with emails and finishing off blog features. But on the flip side, if she doesn’t nap then bedtime is usually a far more pleasant experience. I’d say the battles we have about going to bed rival Lolly and Hector’s battles over food…honestly, toddlers! Who’d have them?!
Image by Divine Day from Hosten & Georgia’s Bedroom Tour
Morning! I have a little girlie just like this- Silvia always wanted to be where the action was and fought naps and bedtime like crazy! She would only nap with me beside her, or in the car or pushchair, and we had epic bedtime battles which upset everyone. She dropped her nap around November time and that, combined with her big bed, has changed our lives for the better! Yes I miss that little time in the day but to have an evening! With no tears! Well worth the 5pm grumps 😜
Definitely going to embrace it as a change for the better Lucy! And we’ve still cot the move from a cot to a big-girl-bed to come…arrrggghhhhh dreading it!
After a 4th trimester of refusal to sleep anywhere other than on us, Fern became an amazingly reliable napper. When she’s awake she has always been full-on Duracell bunny so she desperately needs the recharge of a nap. I never bothered with enforced routines but she fell into natural nap patterns herself and after dropping her morning nap about a year ago, has had a reliable 2-3 hour nap every afternoon in her cot. I’ve had to nurture these, making sure she’s well work out by naptime and ensuring there’s a familiar restful environment for the nap but the sacrifice of being “tied” to these naptimes at home is well worth the benefit of them to us both.
Not only is it her recharge, it’s mine too. After a full on morning toddler wrangling, I appreciate every moment and make sure each one counts, it’s ridiculous how productive I can be in such a short space of time. And that’s why I’m dreading the day when these afternoon naps are no more.
Everyone says that bedtime becomes easier/earlier once toddlers drop their afternoon nap, but bedtime works for us as it is. The routine starts/finishes a little later than average maybe but that’s ok as there’s two of us to manage it. The work I get done in the afternoon I’d be too shattered to attempt in the evening and much of what I do professionally requires natural daylight.
Over the weekend, events we attended meant we had to power through the afternoons without Fern getting a nap and she coped well considering. By bedtime though, I was completely spent and felt I’d not achieved anything other than keep a human alive.
Lately naps have been slightly shorter, less reliable but I’m still clinging to them for dear life. A close friend said her son napped till he started school. She said contrary to what people warned her, his first term at school wasn’t too bad and he soon got used to it. I’m kind of hoping that we have a similar experience!!!
It sounds like you’re doing the best thing for Fern, we’ve got friends little ones who are similar and will probably nap until school too. Make the most of it I say 😉
I swear the huge effort I pour into sleep with my 2 when they were little has paid off. Naps were the focus of our lives! Now they are 4 and 6 and they both sleep all night, from 6:30 – 7pm. I think training them when to sleep saved my sanity!!
Sorry for the typos I’m still in bed!
Hmmmm my message is the only one without a reply. I thought you agreed not one sized fits all.
So I encouraged a routine to help me get through the baby stages with a 2 year old and a baby but I as I’m not agreeing with the content it is to be ignored. What a shame.
Sorry Stacy, apologies you felt that way. I actually do disagree with some methods of sleep training, but completely appreciate that not everyone does and it’s a very personal choice x
Sleep training is the wrong terminology. As a parent my role is to teach my children. Whether that is to teach them to share, how to sit up, walk etc it is all part of being parent. Teaching a child to sleep is surely also essential.
I never allowed my children to cry themselves to sleep, ever. I did however change my life to ensure we were at home at the same time everyday so they could nap. It is only for 2 years so not forever. Was it easy? No way. I pulled my hair out but eventually they did sleep and my life as a result was a lot calmer. Now as a 4 and 6 year old they sleep so well and they are happy. But more importantly I truly believe it is essential for their brain development.
My daughter dropped her naps just before her second birthday, when I was 32 weeks pregnant. They’d never made any difference to night sleep, only her mood. She might, if we’re in the car, have a nap but it has to be a long journey and then whilst she’ll go to bed, she’ll fanny around delaying bedtime for ages.
We managed a phase of ‘quiet time in bed’ then ‘chill out time with books or a film on the sofa’ for a while and now at 2.5 all naps and quiet time is long gone.
She gets an extra snack around 4pm to keep her going until dinner at 6.30pm and bedtime at 8pm which seems to help.
But yeah, sympathy. This time I have a no napping baby. I’ll maybe get 20 minutes mid day but otherwise he’ll go 8am to 7pm with no sleep. Aside from being slimmer which might be because he’s using more energy, it’s making no difference to night sleep YET
It’s making a difference to mine, I’m chuffing EXHAUSTED!
And by no difference to night sleep I mean they both go down anywhere, in any kind of light all night. I’m not a fan of needing black out blinds. Probably a bit rougher 0-4 months but teaching them to sleep wherever and whenever at night has been a life saver.
People worry too much about sleep. Like all things baby, just crack on with it.
Ahhh Rebecca I love this comment! Although she’s a sleep fighter, once she’s gone, Elle will sleep through noise/light/movement which is really useful now 🙂
Sending big hugs, fingers crossed for some sleep for you soon xxxx
With my eldest bedtime got so much quicker when he dropped the nap. He was just over 2 when he did. I replaced naps with quiet time so we would put a film on or just have a little rest, I’m sure that was as good four me as him! It was awkward having to avoid afternoon car journeys for a while, I used to keep up a constant conversation and open his window to keep him awake!
These are good tactics Kathryn! Will definitely be deploying next time we’re in the car mid-afternoon! xxx
My son has never been a great napper, apart from when he was newborn we’ve gotten half hour stints at the most and usually when in the car or bouncing him around. He dropped down to one around 18 months. Now he is 2 and a bit and it’s still hit and miss, more hit at nursery and miss at home unless we are in the car. It depends on his mood as to whether he is grumpy or not and to be honest sometimes he is more grumpy after a nap than if he hadn’t had one! However since 8 months we’ve had 11-12 hours sleep a night and the bedtime routine is ridiculously easy, bath pjs and then a cuddle and he will go down in his bed no problem and just get himself off to sleep. In a morning he will just lay there talking to his teddies until we go and get him. I keep expecting this to change but he hasn’t so far so fingers crossed!!!
So funny Claire, Elle will happily nap at nursery too! But just not at home…
And on the whole as she sleeps well at night, I’ve tried not to get too fussed about the lack of naps, as I’d rather have a decent nights sleep!!!! Give or take some bouts of illness and teething once Elle was sleeping through the night, she always has done, so hopefully the same will be true of your little one 🙂
Ophelia is a sleep fighter too however she will always sleep on a car journey (just like me). The last couple of weeks we have managed a few hour naps in the middle of the day. However, I speak in hushed tones as we have a baby that has slept through from roughly 8 weeks (just like daddy who slept through at 6 weeks) She cracked it just after Xmas. Getting her to sleep earlier than 10 so we get some grown up time has been a battle; she only wants mummy at night time. So I take what I’m given; she doesn’t like to sleep during the day but I get a full nights sleep!
I am of course expecting to be bitten on the bum with a precocious toddler in due course!
Hooray Claire! This is great, Elle didn’t sleep through until 6months, so you’ve obviously got a little sleep lover on your hands!
Haha, all toddlers are precocious, regardless of whether or not you’re lucky on the sleep front 😉
Our boy is only 8 months but he is definitely not a napper! I’m always impressed when people mention that their baby naps for hours during the day – he’ll have two 45min naps on a good day, and those are either in the pram when walking him or on me/the husband. So I’ve never had the option of doing stuff whilst he sleeps 🙂 Apparently, I dropped all my naps shortly after my first birthday so he seems to be taking after me. On a plus, he sleeps a good 12 hours a night (with two quick feeds).
I’ve never pushed the sleeping to be honest, if he falls asleep great, if not, we’ll work around it. If he’s really exhausted and refusing to sleep, putting him in the sling and walking around usually does the trick 🙂
This sounds like such a sensible approach Maike – I think I just got so caught up in what she ‘should’ be doing sleep wise. Google is such a bad thing for new mums 🙁
HAHAHA: “It would have saved hours of me pushing the pram around, shhhhhing and rocking her in a darkened room, attempting to feed her into oblivion and just generally being a bit of a d*ck.” Fern, this is ME too, omg I loled while in the queue at Caffe Nero this morning because I so recognise this.
I’ve now come to the conclusion that *shock* babies are all different and I’ve got one who will fight sleep tooth and nail because he LOVES being awake and seeing EVERYTHING – but he will sleep when he needs to sleep. It’s taken me a year to be okay with this and I blame all of the stupid books and comments I’ve had about how babies should sleep. KP generally does two naps at the mo in the day but he started to drop to one every now and then.
Although grr, we had Keanu’s one year development review yesterday and was told we shouldn’t be rocking him to sleep and should let him cry for “up to two mins”. I was so annoyed! Leaving Keanu to cry for two minutes would result in a total mental little bub who would be much further away from sleep and thus surely defeating the entire purpose. Sorry, lady who has only known him for about five mins, I think I’ll go with what works best for him.
Whhhhaaaaaat?!? Kate this has made me mad. I hate it when health visitors encourage crying. You definitely know best 🙂
And I’m glad you were in the crazy club too – honestly, these articles aimed at new mums should be banned!!!
I know, me too Fern! I think health visitors have a list of things they need to say to you which is a shame because it means sometimes they just don’t *listen* to what you’re telling them if it doesn’t match up with their advice. It’s a bit off-putting that the NHS is still encouraging crying as the ‘way things should be done’ – it may work for some babies but I know it’s also a total disaster for a lot of other babies – so how can they suggest it for all?! It’s this “one size fits all” approach which really has to go.
Absolutely agree, one size fits all is utter nonsense xxx
Kate, i had a baby who needed to be rocked ALL the time, i thought we’d be rocking her to sleep forever! But it didn’t last and she grew out of it, round about the same time she got too big to be rocked anymore!! So just as well!
My 4 month old is a random napper, with zero pattern at all (other than a longer nap being more likely first thing).
He is, however, sleeping through from 7pm to 6am with no feeds (I’m soooo smug but know it’s going to hit me royally in the bum any day!).
This is working for us at the moment so sticking with letting him sleep whenever during day. #wingingit
Yes Sarah! Sounds like you’ve got a sleep lover there 🙂 I think we’re all just #wingingit to be honest
My baby girl is the same, she is 4 months tomorrow and is a horrific day time sleeper… I’m lucky if I get an hour a day, in 15-20 minute bursts.. and today so far she has only had 30 mins in total… but she sleeps 12 hours at night, and has done since about 10 weeks old… as my mum says, you can’t have everything! But God am I shattered by her bedtime!!!
Your description of yourself when Elle was a baby made me laugh out loud 😂 I was the same, I think a lot of mums are! (Hopefully?!) my daughter was a baby that always needed rocking / feeding / holding to sleep and she wouldn’t nap in the cot, in the car or in her pushchair – just on me. It used to drive me mad some days and I’d wonder what the hell i was doing wrong! However now I’ve got baby number 2 and he’s totally different, I realise it’s actually not what YOU do that matters sometimes, it’s just how they are. He is much better at napping and doesn’t need holding to get to sleep. However on the other hand he won’t nap out and about, he’s too nosey, so as we can’t stay in all day every day he inevitably ends up missing some naps and I feel guilty about it 😬 On the whole though I’d say this time around I’m much more chilled about the nap situation – I do my best to facilitate a good nap but if it doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world. My daughter gave up her nap at 2.5 and 4 months on she’s still struggling to adapt – she is tired during the day but point blank refuses a nap. Sometimes she falls asleep in the car but like you say if it happens too late then bedtime is a complete wrote off! It’s like I have a choice between a tired grumpy child all day or a nightmare evening of trying and failing to get her to bed…. ahh the joys! X
It’s funny how different they all are really isn’t it? Glad no2 is a little easier nap wise for you, must make things (slightly) better with two to look after 🙂 I think accepting that you’re not doing anything wrong is the way forward! xxx