Bedtime routines can be quite tricky to get the hang of. Some children literally don’t want to sleep and others ask to go to bed. But we all need our sleep and we all do what we can to survive. Whether that be driving around the block for 20 minutes so they fall asleep in the car, reading 20 stories until their (or your) eyelids droop, or letting them splash in the bath for hours on end.
One thing I suppose you can take from this post, and all our posts during #sleepweek is you most definitely know your baby best. What methods and tips work for your family, might not necessarily work for the next, and we’re all just doing our best.
Me {Lorna}
The boys absolutely thrived on their bedtime routines. Bath, bottles, stories and lights out. I’m not going to lie, Rob & I did too. We needed that time in the evening to re-energise for the next day, and to tidy up after them! Now they are older we definitely miss spending time alone together in the evening as the boys are often awake until late.
We’ve definitely tried to follow the same bedtime routine with Anabelle but have had to be a lot more flexible as the boys are often at clubs until late. Sometimes bedtime is 8pm, sometimes it’s 9pm and sometimes it is as late as 10pm if she’s napped in the car when we’ve been picking the boys up from said activity.
All of them however have been amazing sleepers and once lights are out, kisses and cuddles given, have all gone to sleep no problem.
We have in the past sleep trained each of them at some point. But that is because we’ve known they can do it, and were just slipping into a habit of relying on us (each time after they’d been poorly and we’ve allowed them to share our bed). I appreciate that sleep training isn’t for everyone, but the times in which we did do it, we personally couldn’t have coped if we hadn’t. I know the thought of letting your little one cry sounds heartless, but I assure you none of them were in major distress, and just needed a little encouragement they could do it by themselves again. It also wasn’t a full on cry it out for hours approach. It was a small interval leave the room, then come back to sooth for a short while before leaving again approach. Each of them got the hang of it quite quickly and after an evening or two were back to getting themselves to sleep independently again. I definitely feel the intermittent soothing helped as they didn’t feel totally abandoned.
Again I know this approach isn’t for everyone, and I’m not saying you should definitely try it. But if you get to a point where you NEED your sleep and feel something needs to change it’s ok to consider this option too. That’s not to say it’s fail proof. I have friends who have tried this on both their children. One adapting really quickly and the other never grasping it at all.
Fern
I didn’t really start doing a bedtime routine with Elle until she was three months old. Since then we’ve always done bath time and then feed or cuddle to sleep. Although she’s been through phases of wanting to have a later bedtime, of waking up during the night and of sleeping through (all dependent on teeth, sleep regressions etc) I always stick to bed and bath. I think the most awkward phase we’ve been through was when Elle stopped breastfeeding, as my fail safe way of getting her to sleep was completely taken away! For a good few months I’d have to lie with her on our bed and then transfer her to her cot once she was asleep. Now she’s 20 months, we have a couple of bedtime stories, and then it’s into her cot to lie down. I always sit with her, and hold her hand – she’s never been one for falling asleep on her own. Depending on how tired she is, dropping off can take anything from 10 minutes to an hour…we’re currently enjoying the ‘throwing everything out of the cot’ phase. But I wouldn’t change how we’ve done things – yes bedtime for us is quite a commitment but she still needs that reassurance. And, on the whole she’s a great sleeper. I think there’s a huge amount of pressure on people to not ‘make a rod for their own back’ and get their little ones dropping off in their cots happily singing to themselves, but I’m a firm believer in doing what works best for you.
Lottie
Right from an early age we tried to introduce a bedtime routine. Not because I was adamant they would fit a routine (they didn’t till about 4 months) but because it gave some structure to my otherwise chaotic day, especially when Alice arrived. At 6 we head upstairs for bathtime and they have a good 20-25 minutes splashing round.
Now they are older (3 and 4) we tend to only do baths every other night and sometimes a shower in between but they still much prefer the bath and copious amounts of bubbles. Pjs on and we head downstairs for cuddles. The girls no longer have milk (they refused when I took their bottles away) but we still snuggle down on the sofa and they watch a bit of a film or a few of their favourite programmes. I know some people say no TV before bed but it has always worked well for us. Then just before 7 we head upstairs for teeth cleaning and a wee wee. The girls both get a story each and they either have these in their rooms or as a treat in mummy and daddy’s bed. Lights go off and then I normally don’t hear another peep.
It was a little bit more chaotic when Alice was a baby as she would often scream as I was trying to read Molly a story and then just became a mischievous toddler.
We’ve had issues, such as when we took Molly’s dummy off her, as she could no longer settle herself and was up and down the stairs about 100 times and was often not asleep till 10ish which was awful. We’d have to sit with her until she went to sleep. Eventually that changed and she went back to dozing off by herself. Alice is the complete opposite and NEVER gets out her bed. She still calls me despite the fact she can get out herself.
Luckily they are both amazing sleepers nowadays. Now Molly is at school I find bedtime is slightly earlier whereas it used to sometimes be more like 7 30/8 as she waited up to see Daddy. We do let them stay up occasionally at the weekend but if it’s much past 8pm we pay for it the next day with two grumpy girls.
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We set a bedtime routine about 3 months. At 14 months it’s working really well still, although he didn’t sleep through until about 9 months he has always gone to bed fairly easily bar a few weeks when we stopped breastfeeding.
We have quiet play from 6pm so no tv and we do stacking blocks, puzzles etc but we try and make sure we are playing with him. 6.30 is bath time then 6.45 cream (he has eczema) and pjs. we snuggle on the chair and have milk and a story (until recently this was boobie time and he now has a cup). He goes down in his cot with his nightlight on.
A plus to a routine is we have found if we are out we can do a condensed version (pjs, teeth, milk and story) and as he knows it’s time for bed he will then sleep in his pram (on hols) or stick him I the car if we are travelling back from a day out and then transfer to cot.
I think a routine definitely helps children understand whats coming next Anna. Being able to differentiate certain activities with different times of the day sounds like a fabulous routine. Children are such fast learners aren’t they? They astound me every day xxx
This week is all so interesting as i learn what works for my 5 week old. We are slowly introducing bath and quiet time at night and although we know we are a way off any routine I am already finding the initial melt down we had at night calming down. You spend a lot of time before birth thinking about feeding but no one prepares you for the sleep deprivation!
Ah so pleased things are progressively getting better for you Jess. Hang in there. Sleep deprivation is brutal. I remember the first time Anabelle slept for 6 hours solid, I woke up feeling SO refreshed, and slightly in a panic that I hadn’t heard her cry. xxx
We had no routine until about six months. From tummy onwards Madam was a night owl and we slowly and steadily wound her back to a bedtime that gave us an evening. Tea, bath, teeth, jamas, story, kiss, cot. Major thing is not to go back downstairs! If she goes back into her play space she seems to lose track of the relentless march of bedtime so that’s a big no no here.
Taking the time was worth it but she is still not happy about bedtime three days out of five. I just sit in the room with her so she knows she isn’t alone (no eye contact…) and eventually she stops being cross (she is 100% cross, it’s pure FOMO tantrum) and settles herself in for the night.
Then that’s that until about 5am or so when we have a little power struggle over her coming in our bed. Skipped that twice this week so maybe she is getting the idea!
It’s funny how some children are so anti bed & sleep isn’t it Lucy S. The continuiety and persistence of your routine sounds like it is working though. Maybe not to the full effect you’d like, but you are certainly doing what your little lady needs. xxx
My 10 month old has just started sleeping through the night but now we are fighting with early morning wake-ups. Its been 4.10 the last 3 mornings!! I had hoped a really good bedtime routine (which we have done since he was 7 weeks) would avoid the early mornings once he started to sleep through. I tried feeding him this morning in case he was hungry but that didn’t work. I eventually gave in and took him back to bed with me and he went straight back to sleep.
If anyone has any advice Id love some!
Tasha, when my little one started sleeping trough he switched to waking up early but would often fall back asleep in our bed on the boob for another hour or so. I figured he hadn’t seen me for a long time and just wanted some comfort and it stopped within a few months and he now goes 12-13 hours. I know that isn’t advice but my son just naturally stopped so hopefully yours is the same!
Thank you hun, that gives me hope! He also slept till 6.15 this morning after changing his nappy at 3am (it leaked) so thinking maybe I just need to change his nappy in the night.
Oh no Tasha. Have you tried putting him to bed a little later? What about a little dream feed just before you go to bed? Hopefully as Anna said it’s something he’ll grow out of. Just as you think you’ve cracked it, they regress slightly don’t they. These little ones definitely like to keep us on our toes. xxx
He’s ready for bed at 6.30 so wouldn’t want to keep him up later as he gets all grumpy. I only dropped the dream feeds last week as he didn’t want them but after you suggested it,I gave him one last night and he had 4oz….maybe it’s a growth spurt! X
Tasha I say just bring him into your bed at 4am, if you both go back to sleep even for an hour or two it’s worth it. We did this for a while. It only lasted a couple of months and then he started sleeping longer. I enjoyed the extra snuggles.
My son started sleeping through at 8 months, that was when we really started to introduce a proper routine (bath bottle bed) and he has slept through since and usually 12 hours. I’m lucky now, but before he started sleeping through (which was quite sudden) – I had just about got to my wits end of him waking up every couple of hours, I was due back at work and had no idea how I would cope! And then I discovered air wraps and putting 10 dummies in the cot with him ?
Just googled air wraps… and promptly purchased! We’ve lost many a dummy down the back of the cot and this is exactly what I need. Thanks!
Thanks for the Air Wrap tip Claire, you may just have given lots of momma’s a restful nights sleep xxx
I hadn’t seen air wraps before. Thanks for the advice!
Hi Tasha, I can’t really offer any advice as such, but wanted to reassure you’re not alone I suppose. I had a very similar situation to you, my boy started to finally sleep through at 10 months, but has always woken up early, he’s now almost 2 and we still only get about 10 hours sleep out of him at night, even though he’s had a good bedtime routine from fairly early on and now goes to sleep without much fuss most nights, back then though I could usually give him a boob feed to settle him back down, but more often than not I’d bring him into our bed for a few more hours – I still do this, even though a few ‘well meaning’ people think I’m making a rod for my own back – I just think he’s a lovely cute rod so I don’t mind! and he’ll get to an age when he doesn’t want to snuggle up to Mumum in bed any more, so I’m going to cling onto these cuddly (early!) mornings for as long as I can. Babies are all so different, so do what works for you xx
I am LOVING the posts this week. Our little boys is coming up to 2.5 years and we’ve been lucky that on the whole he is a relatively good sleeper. He slept through the night as soon as we transferred him into his room at 5 months. HOWEVER we have had a fair few regressions. The most memorable one was at 13 months and it lasted three months. Whilst we have never done hardcore sleep training, we did gradually leave the room and eventually he went back to sleeping through the night. We’ve also had the 4am wakeups and to be honest at first I just got up with him but then I started a rule where he couldn’t leave his room until at least 6am and that meant a lot of mornings sleeping on the floor next to his cot.
Also we have really noticed the importance of a routine and started doing this about 10 weeks. It’s even got to the stage where if we bathe him in the morning, he will then say ‘bed time now’. Bless him.
Ahh that is simply adorable xxx
I suppose it’s easier to do some gentle sleep training if you know they can already do it. These little sleep regression are strange aren’t they Louise. Tiring but very strange.
Lolly wrote an interesting post about ‘The Wonder Weeks’ App. (http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/the-wonder-weeks/) which explains childrens ‘funny phases’ and could be link to regressions. I certainly wished I’d know about it with my Anabelle. Such things weren’t around when the boys were little. Gosh now I feel old! xxx
Oh Lorna, help! We are at the tail end of illness which has thrown our otherwise ok sleeper into a massive sleep terrorist and bed thief. She goes to bed ok (we nailed a bedtime routine quite early and have been very lucky that apart from a few over-tired tears/tantrums, generally it works) after a bath, story, bottle and a cuddle but then wakes up around 10/11pm and impossible to settle. Pre-illness, we had been using a bottle at this time to settle her back in her cot, with usually a cuddle and help her find her dummy again around 2/3am. But since she has been sharing our bed through the illness (at one point, wouldn’t even be laid down next to us – had to be in our arms!!), we are reeeeeally struggling to settle her back in her cot after she wakes – the bottle temporarily puts her back into a sleepy state but the second we start to move her back towards the cot, all hell breaks lose!! Proper tears/tantrum, grabbing the cot bars so we have to physically prise her fingers away to move her any further. Cue more tears. We eventually give up and bring her into our bed, where she stretches out with arms behind her head, lets out a hearty sigh and instantly falls asleep until morning. She’s 13 months and definitely wise to the way of the world already. We want to try sleep training, but extreme crying it out doesn’t work for us as she gets into a state of hysteria very quickly to the point of making herself sick. How did you do it?? Any advice greatly received.
Ah Maddy bless your heart. I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t easy as the last thing your motherly instincts tell you to do is to let your baby cry. In fact I found it heart breaking. But If you make a decision to go for it then you most definitely need to stick to it as otherwise you’re sending mixed messages.
We started with the usual bedtime routine bath, bottles, story, lights out and putting them in their cot. So apart from gentle sshing & stroking of their head we tried not to have any contact or communication with them. If they stood, we’d gently lie them back down. Then after a minute we’d leave the room, shutting the door behind us. We’d then stand outside for another minute and if they were still crying return to sooth for a minute until they drifted off. Some sleep training tips tell you to increase the leaving time by a minute each time, but that is entirely your choice. You can stick to the minute/minute approach or 2/1 or 3/. I think the important thing is to keep enforcing it’s bedtime by leaving. And the really hard bit. In your sleep deprived state to enforce this if they wake in the middle of the night too.
The first night we sleep trained Elliott he cried for an hour, the second much less and then the third not at all. The same with Joseph & Anabelle. It will seem awful at the time, but once they understand the new routine it’s like they always did it.
Good luck lovely. I hope you manage to find a solution to suit your family soon xxx
I didn’t start much of a bedtime routine until my daughter was about 4 or 5 months but by then she did seem to need it and we’ve always done bath, pj’s, milk and bed. She’s never seemed bothered about having a story but maybe I’ll try introduce that now she’s a bit older. My little girl is 2 and until around her 2nd birthday she wouldn’t go to sleep on her own, you had to stay with her or she screamed the house down (genuine distress) and sleep training wasn’t really for me, so we just went with it. She just grew out of it in her own time and now happily goes in her cot after milk and a cuddle and falls asleep on her own after a bit of chatting / singing. So anyone who feels like their child will never go to sleep on their own or stop feeding to sleep, they will eventually and you don’t necessarily have to do anything to make it happen (unless you want to) x
So pleased your little lady managed to grow out of it Sarah. It’s definitely reassuring to know that this can and does happen for some families xxx