My daughter can be whatever she wants to be, and I sincerely hope that with the right work ethic and determination, she truly believes that this is the case.
The same can’t me said for me necessarily, and I imagine there are many of you who have experienced the same – unfortunately opportunities are not always equal.
This feature stems from a post on my personal instagram account a month or so ago where I shared the snap of Mabel with the daffodils as seen in the header image above on my birthday. I shared that my one birthday wish was to have a more stable world for my child to grow up in, a world where there are equal opportunities.
I recounted an experience in my teens where I had visited a rather short-sighted and patronising “careers advisor” (actually can I just cut the use of polite vocabulary and call him a wanker?). I told him that I would like to be a successful business woman, maybe with my own cosmetics line – maybe one day I might even write a book about make-up?
His condescension was audible. He actually laughed. And told me I should do something more useful and realistic. Certainly something less ambitious.
He advised that maybe I should consider becoming a primary school teacher. Or a nurse. Yes, you heard that correctly – was he saying that in order to train as a teacher or a nurse you were without ambition?! And why was he telling me to follow career paths I personally had little interest in?
Like I said. Wanker.
Richard from my year wasn’t told he couldn’t be a Physicist. In fact he was actively encouraged to pursue that route. I know because I asked him. I was so bloody furious with the outcome of my own experience I wanted to confirm it wasn’t just me that was advised to give up on their dreams.
I would hope that situations like this wouldn’t occur today, and certainly not in a decades time when Mabel is asked where she sees her future.
That said the “Pilot” sweater you see her wearing was only discoverable in the “boys” section of Zara Kids. As was “Astronaut”. There was unsurprisingly a significant wave of thoughts and opinions that stemmed from me mentioning this at the time of publishing the image originally, hence today’s post.
Have we moved on from gender stereotyping?
I am fully aware that success isn’t measurable by your annual salary, it’s measurable by your happiness, enjoyment and sense of self-worth. I want my daughter to believe she is capable of anything, I want her to grow up in a world that embraces equal opportunities. I want this for her, I want this for her sons and daughters, I want this for you and I.
Please do discuss in the comments box below. And any amusing career advisory tales (wanker-ish or otherwise) are most welcome.
I did an online test thing in careers at age 15 and the top job it came out with was butcher.
I wanted to be a hairdresser but my father wouldn’t let me, said I should further my qualifications and I had to do a-levels and then I could decide. I went along with the crowd after that and got a degree in something not useful and now hate my boring job.
Well done dad for making me further myself academically, but actually I don’t think I’d give my son the same advice. I don’t care if his ambition is to work in Tesco, if he is happy I’m happy
Claire my father had a similar attitude, he was entrepreneurial in that he owned two dental surgeries by the time he was 26 – but thought the only subjects worth pursuing were the sciences, and the arts were a waste of time. I can also clearly remember wanting to be a hairdresser – what a creative and interesting job. So sociable too. Have you ever considered doing a course outside of your regular job? I don’t know your personal circumstances and obviously finding extra “time” for most people is difficult x
Yes, I was thinking, become a hairdresser, own my own salon, but my dad didn’t think about that being a possibility so I understand where he was coming from and I did meet my husband at uni, which I wouldn’t have done had I stayed at home. I have thought about doing it now but financially at the moment it’s not an option. I yearn for a creative job but life gets in the way!
I also wanted to be a hairdresser much to the horror of my parents because I was so “academic”. I was actually telling them I wanted to own a chain of hair salons, which is pretty ambitious I’d say. I obviously ended up with a levels, a business degree and a job in PR. Which isn’t the worst, but I wish I’d have been encouraged to follow my creative side more and dream a little bigger!
I don’t think we have moved on. We can make choices as parents to buy a balanced mixture of toys and clothing, teach them to believe in themselves and what they can do, but our little ones are stereotyped at every turn by external influences.
Whether it’s Peppa Pig dressing as the world’s most irritating princess at every opportunity, or a store where EVERY ITEM of girls clothing is pink or pastel shades. I’ve been shocked to find that I really have to work hard as a parent to push past all of this gender bullsh*t. Even at age 2, they are being groomed to believe that girls should be pretty and boys should be adventurous.
I don’t have any answers apart from that we all need to do what we can to raise our girls and boys to be little feminists. To believe they can be whatever they want to be.
Things have changed so much, even in my lifetime and I hope society will continue to do so. It still feels strange that when I was little, hearing Annie Lennox and Aretha Franklin singing ‘Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves’ was SO vital and important at the time. The thought that those messages were even needed seem outdated… it was only 30 years ago! Are they still needed now? Probably.
Saying all that, I’m not sure the book that Uncle Phil bought for E was entirely appropriate ‘Crafting With Feminism – craft projects to smash the patriarchy’. It is fab though! x
Karen I actually find the stereotyping for Mabel at this age worse than I have at any other so far.
I do try and let her choose what she wants to wear as much as possible (weather dependent!) and last time we went shopping she chose a whole host of pink overtly feminine stuff which was lovely, and I’m fine with it, because I feel that she thinks she is able to wear anything and there isn’t a difference between “girls” and “boys” clothes for toddlers. Or at least I hope that’s what she thinks. x
Absolutely! I love pink too and so does E… I love when she put a dress on and declares “I’m the pretty one”. It’s all about balance and not giving limits to what our little ones can wear or do.
Mabel is completely rocking that sweater by the way. SHE is the pretty one! xx
“Crafting with Feminism” sounds amazing, I’m off to look it up!
This is a subject extremely close to my heart too. I was quite a tomboy at school and it never dawned on me that I might not be considered equal to anyone else for any reason. It just didn’t cross my mind that my opportunities could be limited purely by my chromosomal make-up.
I was the kid that was “good at art” though so it was always expected that I would do something in design, which seemed to bypass any gender-based limitations. As a result though, I was quite naive to the discrimination girls and young women were facing all around me.
It wasn’t until I was at working age that the imbalances and inequality of opportunity started to dawn on me as I realised that experiences such as yours with the careers teacher Charlotte are all too common. The statistics related to the gender divide in the workplace in the U.K. are truly shocking.
Now with a girlchile of my own I am all too aware of this situation and the thought that she may encounter discrimination and limitations simply because SHE IS FEMALE actually make me feel sick to the core. Every day I make small choices which I hope one day will adds up to mean she feels empowered and capable of anything. I just hope the world catches up by then too.
Have you seen the Mother Pukka Flex campaign going around social media? It addresses just these issues and is highlighting in a really clever, fun and engaging way how it’s OUR responsibility to demand change. I urge all readers interested in these issues to check it out. And not least because Mother Pukka herself is hilarious.
As for children’s clothing, well that’s an interesting one. As a designer for high street and supermarket children’s wear for 15 years, I was always briefed along the lines of the gender divide described in this post. I never pushed back, that wasn’t my job. My job was to design what the buyers wanted. And when we questioned WHY they wanted that, the answer was always the same, because THATS WHAT SELLS. And the figures supported it. The vast majority of parents expect and want gender specific, mini-me clothes. When lines were introduced which might be deemed more unisex, they never sold as well. I’m talking about Tesco/Asda/Next/New Look/Sainsbury’s/Debenhams/m&s. HUGE volumes. When you’re placing an option for 100,000 pieces, as a buyer you’re going to select the guaranteed best seller, not the take-a-punt experimental style which flopped last season.
It’s nearly 3 years since I went on maternity leave and I do believe that there’s a small change happening. Independent brands are all clamouring for the gender neutral space. The big players will do one small range a season that has a cursory nod to gender neutral. My Instagram is full of small clothing labels who only have one range, not girls or boys sections. But this is still a tiny percentage of the market.
Everyone cites little bird at mothercare as an example of mainstream crossover but compared to the supermarket behemoths, their market share is tiny in comparison. And the rest of MC is super gender-specific. You’d think they of all people would be rolling out the unisex being as they have a precedent in little bird but they don’t – which must tell us something.
It’s like the political vacuum, when your friends/newsfeed are mostly like minded, we think that our attitudes must reflect broader society but the truth is that the broader society isn’t as bothered as we are about this. Parents want girls clothes for girls and boys clothes for boys. I do think it will filter down though as all things do eventually.
One small way I’m doing my bit is by ensuring my forthcoming clothing range features gender neutral motifs in a gender neutral palette. Sure Fern looks great in pink and will wear it time to time but why should they be the only colour marketed to girls? Why do we have to spend a fortune on French brand Bobo Choses if we want to dress our sons in a cool shade of coral? What if we’re getting a bit sick of gender neutral meaning monochrome and nothing else?
Hopefully by the time Mabel and Fern are working age, this is a discussion we will no longer need to be having but until then it’s up to us all to kick against these norms and make choices that empower us all….
YES GAL!! 🙌🙌🙌
(Although the irony that the leading example of gender neutral retailing excludes male parent figures by it’s very name isn’t lost!) x
I find this so interesting about the clothes Philippa but I guess it really is what sells so as you say why would they take a gamble? I think there is variety for girls in the main but it’s boys who seem stuck with very dull colours xx
I was actually really naive to it all until I had a daughter myself, and I found the monochrome thing a bit odd if I’m honest “If you want your child to appear non gender stereotyped dress them in black and white” erm….no thanks. She can wear what the hell she likes.
We offer flexible working at Rock My Ltd as the vast majority of the team have children. From an employer perspective it isn’t always the easiest juggling such variable hours and availability but I firmly believe a happy team is the best team – and that’s the most important point for me. I don’t want anyone to feel they are sacrificing their enjoyment of motherhood to be able to work.
“It’s like the political vacuum, when your friends/newsfeed are mostly like minded, we think that our attitudes must reflect broader society but the truth is that the broader society isn’t as bothered as we are about this”
Never was this truer than the last 12 months on so many a subject.
I love Mother Pukka! And her flex appeal campaign is so important as it is women who are managed out of the workplace due to childcare issues so there’s still a long way to go in tackling that sort of indirect discrimination.
Depressingly, one of my friends is having an argument with Mothercare over the branding of their socks – plain white socks being sold as ‘boys socks’. Unless they’re designed to go on an entirely different appendage, I’m not sure what makes them for boys. So far she has not had any sort of satisfactory answer.
This! Nail on head for me Philippa! Much like our huge shock when the result of Brexit was revealed I think there is a tendency to think that all parents feel the same as this community does. Your comment ‘we think that our attitudes must reflect broader society but the truth is that the broader society isn’t as bothered as we are about this’ is so true of so many issues for me at present….gender stereotyping being just one of them.
Hector has been attending ballet since the beginning of the year and the responses I’ve received from family members (not close ones I should add) has been one of shock and even some cases horror. ‘But he’s a boy!’ is generally the most common response ‘just enrol him into gym instead’ is another. I gleefully also add that it’s Ste that takes him and not me! Hector is the only boy that attends and Ste is the only dad…and I would assume that this setup isn’t unique to my part of the world either. I think there are a huge proportion of parents who want things to be split down male/female lines as it fits with their view of the world and makes them feel safe.
I did one of those caeeer quizzes once at secondary school and because I liked animals (who doesn’t?!) it said be a zookeeper 😂 I ended up being a chartered surveyor having done an agricultural degree which was, and is to some extent, a very male dominated industry. However this balance is definitely changing and more and more women are entering the industry. There are still old fashioned firms full of tweedy men … (I *might* have worked for one and left it to have a baby…a comment when I got married would happen “you’ll just be going off having babies now” from my boss 😡 He could be described in similar language to your careers advisor)
Anyway, the gender thing with clothes really doesn’t bother me personally … I think lots of people get hung up about clothes being labelled boys or girls. Like you, if I saw some thing in the boys section for a girl I would just buy it and vice versa. I think retailers are getting a bit of stick about having different sections – they do need some sort of label otherwise I think shopping would be a nightmare – I’d have to sift through a million skirts and dresses to find stuff for my boy. I’m expecting no 2 any day now, gender unknown, if it’s a girl then there is no doubt she would be wearing some of my boys clothes … I’ll draw the line at some items of clothing as I’d still want some girly things and I think personally some things are too masculine but a bit of navy and blue never hurt a girl.
I think it’s far more important children aren’t told by their parents, teachers etc that they can’t be x,y,z when they grow up than the fact m&s labels a pair of trousers for a boy.
I agree to some extent with you Victoria, but we all know that society and our peers have a huge influence on us growing up. It’s not just parents and teaches.
Regarding clothing, if we use Mabel’s top as an example. It may be difficult for retaillers when it comes to store merchandising and product placement, but surely it isn’t difficult for the web developers at Zara online to include this item in Girls Wear as well as Boys? I expect it’s a case of a single mouse click.
ALSO my husband is working at the In-cosmetics Global 2017 fair at Excel all this week, this is the high-summit trade fair for the cosmetic industry. There are 10,000 visitors and 700+ exhibitors. Try telling the ceos of those brands that cosmetics isn’t a valid career choice!!!
I think this highlights a separate issue, aside from gender bias, careers advice in our education system is woeful, which is something I’ve always felt.
I have a feeling I’m going to be returning to these comments all day to shake my virtual fist!!!
Such a good topic. I have a son and a little girl on the way. I am very aware of gender labelling. My son has a toy kitchen and dolls, which I’ve been questioned on. 95% of people when I’ve said I’m now having a girl have mentioned how I can dresss her up nicely/buy pretty girls clothes now/must be getting a whole new wardrobe of clothes. of course I will buy some new bits for her to mix with her brothers old clothes, but what irritates me is the instant view that girl=pretty. Benefit of having a daughter=make her look nice. When looking for interiors for her room I’m strictly keeping away from princess anything, mentions of pretty/beautiful. I have noticed that boys interiors are more designed to adventure etc. That’s not to say I don’t like pink. I love my pink. My own bedroom has a lot of pink and my husband doesn’t bat an eyelid (and why would he, it’s a fabulous colour).
Anna the whole pressure for little girls to be “pretty” is just……well, it makes my head hurt. I have quite a few young girls follow me on instagram and it makes me uber conscious about what I post/how I say things when it comes to clothes and make-up in particular.
I am slowly introducing splashes of pink everywhere and hoping James doesn’t notice 😉 x
This is such an great subject. You know I’m not overly bothered about the girls/boys clothes thing as I don’t mind dressing the girls in so called ‘girly’ clothes, although I do wish there was a little less glitter and sparkle. However, the careers thing is so interesting. As a teenager I didn’t have the gender stereotype careers interview but maybe that is because I chose ‘Advertising Account Manager’ out of the box and the advisor decided I would be excellent at it, partly due to my skills in talking! Do you know what though that’s what I went on to do and loved it. It is quite a female biased role though so maybe I unwittingly went gender specific without realising. Molly was asked at pre-school what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said ‘Princess’ and this year it changed to ‘nurse’. Alice on the other hand chose ‘doctor’ or ‘vet’. I also think it works the other way as many moons ago my Dad wanted to go to university to study art and his head teacher told him he should do something more practical like woodwork as men didn’t do art! Let’s hope everyone can be whatever they want to be xx
I find it so interesting asking Lyra what she wants to be when she grows up. It ranges from ballerina to dinosaur to lady dentist. I reckon her answers are definitely influenced by all the gender-stereotyping advertising but as long as she is happy in her chosen career, I will be happy!
The careers-test thingy told me I should be a librarian (because I liked reading) or work in a museum (because I enjoyed history) 😬
I think the work situation is improving with every generation. When I started my professional career, the senior management were the ‘old boy brigade’ but over the last ten years, they have been disappearing and the new more balanced wave has been taking over (including me!)
There was an interesting article a few days ago on the colour pink and its gender stereotyping mhttps://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/02/open-letter-to-readers-from-the-colour-pink-eva-wisman
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/apr/02/open-letter-to-readers-from-the-colour-pink-eva-wisman
So good.
Thanks for sharing this link!
Oh the old career advisor. Mine was a woman and she was a ghastly old dinosaur. I can’t believe she kept her job frankly. I went in saying I wanted to be a pilot or a shark biologist (yup) and came out having been told to be a cleaner or a babysitter?! In an independent, all girls school. Some of my friends were advised to be housewives. I accidentally ended up in luxury travel (after a few years of backpacking trying to “find” myself), which allowed me to swim with sharks and fly around in private planes, so you know, best of both worlds!
But I am so determined to raise my daughter to be whoever and whatever she wants to be. She loves a tutu and her dolls, but she’s mean at climbing trees, wants to fly planes, be a doctor and look after tigers. I hope by the time she’s old enough to start making the important choices when it comes to a career the barriers have been broken down and it’s a much more open playing field. But until then, I figure it’s my job to allow her to experience as much as she possibly can, so her eyes are open to all the possibilities. Oh and her impending brother will recycle many of her clothes.. even the tutus if he wants to! X
Olivia your careers advisor sounds exactly like mine!! Even down to the ‘ghastly old dinosaur’ comment!
So pleased this is being addressed. Since your instagram post I’ve discovered https://letclothesbeclothes.uk- there are lots of interesting articles on there along with a petition you can sign calling “…on retailers here in the UK to remove all gender based signs, labels, displays and related text/images, in order to safeguard children from sexism and damaging ideas about the role of men and women in society.”
I’m going to sign and hopefully contribute to change.
Great = thanks for the link Lisa x
I’m trying to give my 2 1/2 year old daughter lots of options with clothing, activities and toys, but generally she chooses the more girly things! Given the option of football classes or ballets she chose the latter (I blame Peppa). Ive always loved shopping in the boys sections in shops for her and find Next and Zara particularly good for tops and jumpers. She was recently gifted a Barbie doll (who gifts a 2 year old a Barbie?!) and before I could sweep it away to the “toys for a rainy day cupboard” my husband had ripped open the packaging for her – there resulted a massive argument! I don’t think I’ve ever analysed a Barbie before but I’m just disgusted and horrified at what she represents – abnormal body proportions all boobs and legs with virtually no waist and to this the micromini dress she’s wearing and the hooker shoes! It juts made me really sad to watch my daughter playing with her and calling her beautiful. She’s discreetly going into the charity bag
Hattie I wrote a piece on Barbie for RMF:
http://rockmyfamily.wpengine.com/barbie-bad-influence-entrepreneurial-role-model/
Please bare in mind it is all rather tongue in cheek! Mattel have recently introduced “barbies” in a range of different body types/heights etc. About time too.
Poor Barbie gets a hard time. I loved mine so much. She lived in a 3 storey town house that Ken could visit but she owned it not Ken. I don’t think Barbie has had an adverse effect on me. It’s about balance. When I wasn’t playing with her I was in the garage with my dad learning about engines. Luckily for me though I was born in the late 70s when pink hadn’t been invented yet so I got to wear kids clothes rather than mini adults clothes… Rambling a bit, but on a lot of sugar this morning to get through after little sleep ha ha
I completely agree! The ‘Pink’ brainwashing – grow up to be a sparkly Disney princess who looks good – makes me despair. I like pink, I always have done, however I also like blue, green etc etc. I have a 4 year old son and I would say that it can work both ways (though less limiting than the message for girls). It can be hard to find boys clothes (in the tiny boy section because apparently boys don’t wear clothes) that aren’t drab maroon and brown or covered in Marvel comics characters. My son loves bright colours and isn’t interested in Spiderman or the Hulk – and that can be tricky to dress for. I found the comment from Philippa very interesting and gives me that perspective that retailers don’t like a gamble. However we are then stuck in that catch 22 of not being able to prove them wrong if the clothes aren’t available.
LJ I would agree with you on the boys clothes restrictions too, it definitely works both ways. Interestingly there is an amazing coatigan (?) in Zara boys that I have in my wardrobe, it’s quite a loose/casual fit so the age 13 works really well for me! There are some plus points to being a short arse (it was less than £20) x
Hear hear LJ! My boy is only 9 months but why can’t boy’s clothes be cute, too? I love M&S and H&M for children’s wear but a lot of the stuff I get him is from the girl’s section. I’m not overly bothered with cars and I don’t get why dinosaurs seem to be the only acceptable animal for boys? And so yes on the maroon and grey. What’s wrong with yellow and red and yes, pink?!
I understand that retailers offer based on consumer’s needs but I agree that without having the choice in the first place, how can you even make one. Hopefully, our baby will grow up to realised he can be anything he wants to be – a pilot, a scientist, an artist or a hairdresser. Genderstereotyping works both ways still, unfortunately. I refused to see the career counsellor at my school because I couldn’t really see the point of it – I knew what I wanted to be and there wasn’t anything helpful they could have told me on that. But I do recall one of the guys who wanted to be a kindergarten teacher and was laughed at for aiming for an undereducated girl’s job. He was told to become a builder if he didn’t want to do anything academic…
Morning! I could write a huge essay on this! A couple of speedy things:
1) I think the pinkification has got worse in the supposedly post feminist 21st century. It will be interesting to see if the resurgence and redevelopment of feminist ideas (as expressed popularly by people like Caitlin Moran and Caroline Criado Perez) filter through to children’s clothes. Who knows? In the meantime I shop for Silvia from the boys range.
2) I recently read the brilliant “Parenting beyond pink and blue.” Many excellent points in there, but one major take away for me is that research has shown girls do better when they are aware of the hurdles and prejudice they face- ie in science careers, telling girls they would be discriminated against resulted in higher take up- perhaps as there was less internalisation of the “not for you” message and more screw you attitude. Well worth a read of the whole book.
And Silvia wants to be a pilot too, after reading one of the “Tara Binns” books where the heroine flies a plane to find buried treasure. Tara also becomes a crash test driver and emergency doctor- maybe these would suit Mabel?
Off to dress the pair of them now- S is in blue and Paddy is rocking a feminist slogan tee until he pukes on it 😘😜
Hi Lucy! Thanks for the book recommendation, sounds fab – will take a look.
Definitely appreciate the “screw you” in favour of the “not for you” – Wanker or not, Mr Career Advisor certainly made me furious enough to be determined to do what I wanted. If I had the first clue who he was I might even send him a copy of my book.
Also – Paddy is the BEST name x
As I read this my youngest, my daughter, sits and eats her breakfast in her brothers old blue pj’s. Today she will wear their old blue crocs and sit in a blue buggy. BUT the subconscious Mummy in me will counteract this with something floral. Just so ‘people’ know she’s our GIRL. She doesn’t have long hair and I’m chuffed that I have 2 boys and a girl so I want people to recognise she’s a girl amongst l her blue!
I often hear about mums, myself included trying to mix up the clothes and sometimes going so far as to never touch anything pink or frilly. However it is rarer that I see mums dismissing anything blue for their boys. I sometimes wonder if mums of girls that are very gender neutral ‘anti pink/frill’ would be doing the same if they’d had a boy?
On another note, my eldest, now 6 likes to wear bow ties and was discouraged by family members about wearing them on non uniform day to school incase he got the mickey taken out of him for being ‘soft’. He also asked me the other day what a tom girl was l I carefully answered the best I could and he then said he thought he was a tom girl. I simply said he could be whatever he likes and play with whatever he likes! It’s such a careful subject when they start asking questions.
Also, do you think how much of a girl your girl looks likes, e.g long hair effects how much boys/neutral clothes she wears? I have some lovely boys tops and coats Indyana wears, but as my daughters hair is very short still I always pop a small bow or hair band in. If she had longer hair I don’t think I’d bother as much. That might not be the best cheerleading for ‘gender neutralism’ but I can’t help myself.
I was wondering this Lisa! I have a one year old boy so haven’t really come across any of these problems.
I do remember taking him to a messy play when he was younger and finding it quite hard to tell if the other babies were a boy or girl when they were just wearing a white vest. I remembered thinking to myself that I’d put my son in a blue vest if we went again just so it would be clear and easier to chat to other parents!
On the subject of clothing, it works both ways, as the mother of a 2year old boy I can’t move for blue and t-shirts adorned with tractors and dinosaurs (admittedly both things Spencer loves) but why can’t he wear something with a fairy on? Clothing sections for toddlers shouldn’t be segregated into boys and girls and shouldn’t be so blatantly pink and blue. So to bring him some pink into his life for his second birthday I bought him a Barbie doll. Not because I want to feminise him but I want him to have the choice to play with cars and to play with dolls because at such a young age it’s good to give them choice and experience everything without taking them down such a gender specific route (although what is it about young boys and cars)?
I don’t have any career advise nightmare stories but I work in a beverage manufacturing and distribution factory and women are definitely in the minority but we are starting to see our apprenticeship scheme become more female weighted, it’s wonderful to see these 18year old women looking for a future in logistics and engineering. Only yesterday I was involved in a meeting where we discussed setting up a factory specific women’s network, which I found equally wonderful and disappointing. Yes we are being acknowledged and by creating a network we can have the opportunity to come together, as we are quite scattered across shifts and departments, but it’s 2017 why should this be needed against what is still an all-boys-club. x
Oh I hear you Claire! I’m sick of tops with diggers on! Hector has a rather smashing pair of neon coral dungarees that I bought in the sale from Petit Bateau which I’m hoping still fit him this year. They are perhaps my favourite item of clothing in his wardrobe and shock horror they aren’t a muddy shade of something. I’ve also just bought him a pink patterned shirt from Zara boys in the sale which I’m hoping to pop him in this weekend! And yep…boys and cars. Hector ADORES them!
I got some lovely polo shirts from Matalan last year and luckily Spencer still fits in them, one was turquoise and the other is coral with little pineapples on (for the win). For this summer I’ve already spied some coral shorts in Mothercare and I’m trying to create a pastel, preppy wardrobe for him before he’s too old to complain x
I think the main issue with gender stereotyping is that it tends to divide people to the extremes. Like, PINK FOR GIRLS AND BLUE FOR BOYS or my daughter will NEVER wear pink. I don’t see anything wrong with the child aligning themselves along gender lines but the key for me is that they have to be presented with other choices and know that whatever they choose is okay.
As far as work goes, I currently work in an admin role in which I DEFINITELY experience gender based issues. Not from the people I work with, they know I’m good at my job, but from external clients who assume I’m stupid because I’ve answered a phone and am organising a meeting. I’m also training to become an accountant (the things you learn about yourself!) and I’ve had someone say to me ‘but you’re too pretty to be an accountant!’ What the eff does that even mean??
Kate, this made me chuckle. I often hear ‘but you’re too fun/interesting/creative (insert other complimentary adjective) to be an accountant’.
We must have missed the module where they teach accountants to be dull and unattractive 😋
Kate that is hilarious. I could write an essay (perhaps even a book) about my experience of sexism and gender issues in the workplace. I worked in a very male dominated industry for over a decade. I didn’t experience it just from men either. There was a woman (lets call her an ex work colleague) who was very condescending of my job as a PA (the job I took before I started/so I could start Rock My Ltd) and made snidey comments about my role, my assumed salary and her perception of my (lack of) education in order to be “JUST” a PA. She didn’t know that I was in Senior Account Management beforehand, and that I had negotiated myself a PA role so that I could in fact start my own company (the hours were more 9 – 5.30 and when I finished work I finished work and could thus concentrate on other things). I bloody loved that job – it was in many ways more challenging than account management, it was well paid and I was respected by the (all male) directors that I worked for.
I never enlightened her. Just inwardly laughed to myself at her narrow minded idiocy.
You will make an amazing accountant! x
Love this, I’m a PA at the moment and have encountered the same sort of misconceptions about my educational background – I think being petite and blonde has exacerbated this as I don’t look my age. In these situations I like to recall what Dolly Parton once said: “I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.” Your job is what you do, not who you are. Biting my tongue has become something I’m used to and now I will practice inwardly laughing!
SUCH an interesting subject. We were recently on holiday in the US and my little boy (3) decided he wanted to spend his birthday money on a little Belle figurine from Beauty & The Beast- which was absolutely fine with both me and my husband. He clutched that little doll all day! A young lady approached us and asked if she could take a photo of him- explaining that her university project was on ‘gender stereotyping’ and how refreshing to see a little boy with a doll. We politely declined the photo (just not comfortable with a pic of my boy being shared regardless of the subject matter) but it made me so sad that a boy holding a doll was seen as a rarity really. Stereotyping when it comes to toys REALLY gets me jumping on that old soap box!
This is definitely a subject I’ve given a lot of consideration to since I became a parent. I’m relaxed about what my 2 year old chooses to wear and play with, but I’m conscious of making sure she’s exposed to a range of different things and not just ‘girly’ stuff. She loves baby dolls and doing my hair (ouch!), but she’s also into dinosaurs and helicopters. I’d probably describe her as quite girly, but interestingly the staff at her nursery told me they think she’s a bit of a tomboy and she loves playing with the boys.
I’m glad she seems to have a lot of different interests. I would never try to ‘gender neutralise’ everything, especially not now that she can express her own preferences, but I don’t want her to grow up thinking that particular things (especially careers) are ‘for girls’ or ‘for boys’. I actually admonished my dad the other day for saying she was going to be a nurse (as she forced pretend ‘medicine’ down his throat 🙂 ), as opposed to a doctor. Of course she could be either, and they’re both great careers, but dad’s in his 70’s and I know if she’d been a boy he would have said doctor instead. He didn’t mean anything by it, obviously, but I hope my comments made him think a bit about his own preconceptions. Though to be fair, he did raise me to think I could be whatever I wanted.
The clothes thing is so interesting. I buy Zoe stuff from both boys and girls sections, but it does surprise me how many things are branded as ‘boys’ when they could be worn by either sex. Maybe shops should have boys and girls sections, with a unisex bit in the middle?! Now that Zoe has enough hair, you’d probably know she was a girl regardless of what she had on, but when she was a baby, it amazed me how often people assumed she was a boy if she was dressed in anything vaguely neutral (e.g. a black and white top, grey trousers – despite her pink socks lol).
My careers questionnaire told me I should be a librarian, an archivist or a make up artist. The careers teacher immediately discounted the make up artist option as “too hard to make into a career”. Everyone who was vaguely good at geography was advised to be a town planner because “there are loads of jobs available”. I’m now a civil servant and my job is writing legislation, which is probably akin to being an archivist in terms of nerdiness level! 🙂
Ha, your comment re a girl working in healthcare must be a nurse unfortunately continues into the workplace, despite being a workforce that is becoming predominantly female. I’ve lost count of the number of times patients have addressed me as nurse despite introducing myself as a doctor. On one particular occasion I helped out a colleague (male) who was struggling to get IV access, I had success and the patient individually thanked us – thank you doctor to him, thank you nurse to me. My friend thought this was hilarious! Even my own mother still feels the need to point out when she has seen a ‘lady doctor’.
I do think society will eventually catch up on that one. What I find more upsetting however is a recent comment a consultant in my specialty said. She explained in order to maintain the status of a profession and ensure we are not walked over by those in authority it is better to have a predominantly male workforce.
Lisa – to your last comment about maintaining a predominantly male workforce, I heard Mary Beard make a comment on the radio a couple of months ago. I can’t remember it exactly – and she surely expressed this more elegantly – but it was along the lines of “the more women there are in anything, the less prestige it tends to have”. It was in the context of the fact the now the number of women attending university outstrips men, the value of university is now being questioned. It was something that certainly got me thinking, and made me feel a little bit sad because there is more than a grain of truth in it and your comment reminded me of it. Here’s to one day moving to a world where this isn’t true…
Karen makes a good point about the categorisation of clothing online by brands like Zara. Online, H&M include styles in the girls filter that would sit in the boys section in-store. So it really isn’t that hard and makes good economic sense, surely! How hard would it be for stores to adopt an integrated approach with garments which could be considered traditionally boys styles on one side which blend into more unisex styles in the middle then again into traditional girls styles on the other? Do we REALLY need a signpost to boys sections and girls sections?
Something I didn’t quite get across in my initial post is that clothing choices ARE important. That’s a good article from Sarah O. It’s not really about pink. It’s about OUR expectations and the messages we reinforce through our choices.
Until relatively recently, pink was a colour mostly prevalent in infant boys clothing due to red being considered a masculine colour and pink being a softer, baby-suitable shade of red, likewise blue was seen as a gentle feminine colour representing the Virgin Mary and as such female infants were dressed in pale blue. It wasn’t until the early 20th century for a variety of reasons many connected to commercialisation that this switched. Then later, with the era of mass produced toys and clothing, brands used the colour divide as a marketing tool and it heavily reinforced the pink for girls blue for boys norms.
Fast forward to today and I can dress Fern in any shade I like, but if you put a boy in pink you’re either compromising his masculinity or making an avant guarde statement that you’re the coolest parent in town. ITS NUTS!
Colours aside, I think this is most prevalent/problematic in the motifs/slogans on kids clothing and the garment design themselves moreso even than the colours. These are hugely image-based and gender divided. Many argue that their daughters WANT sparkly, princessy, mini-me clothing with slogans to reinforce these messages, and I don’t doubt that they do but why? Perhaps because they’re constantly being given the impression that to be a successful female you must be beautiful, flawless, traditionally feminine and passive. So they see clothing which makes that statement as a way to succeed at being a girl.
The truth is, only a few can actually make it in life based on their physical appearance and even fewer are actually going to be a princess…. (there’s only one Prince George, right?). Ok so you could argue that it’s just a bit of fun but when this ideal is repeated relentlessly in every visual reference in our child’s life, it’s going to have a profound impact on their values and perceptions.
Why can’t a pink sparkly top have adventurous, realistically aspirational messages and motifs? And be cut in a practical, non figure-hugging way in fabrics which are hard wearing and comfortable? My buyer at Tesco would say “because it wouldn’t sell as well”. So pushing the onus back on the consumer. But it’s a vicious cycle, we can only buy what they offer us. OR we can buy fewer, higher quality garments which don’t push limiting messages on our children and aren’t manufactured in ways that compromise workers and the environment.
Yes to this! I buy from whichever section I like the look of the clothes in and it’s the slogans that really annoy me. E.g. Mummy’s little princess and Daddy’s little hero!! Arrgh! Makes my irrationally angry.
Only last week I purchased a doctors outfit from ebay (for ‘what i want to be day at nursery..) which was labelled Boys dress up clothing for my girl Annie! I mean 2017 people!
She actually questioned whether it was only for boys ( i think because it had trousers actually) and i quickly pointed out that our doctor is in fact a women so of course it wasn’t only for girls.
I was slightly erked that nearly all of the little girls went as princesses. I’m all for being whatever you want to be but princess is not a valid job choice!! I fully understand that this was probably because most people had princess costumes but in this world of gender imbalance and still no equal pay we have a responsibility to our girls to show them from a young age that gender stereotyping with job roles is ridiculous.
This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Fine its ok to indulge in princess make-believe but with todays’ celebrity culture, the message has become muddled. Girls are growing up aspiring to become something that is essentially an image-based construct and that is potentially very damaging. It DOES mater.
This is exactly what worries me, Philippa. A lot of people get defensive about letting their girls wear pink, saying “But they like pink!”. Yes I’m sure little girls like pink but the prevalence of little girls who like pink versus other colours is clearly massively influenced by the insidious marketing messages they’re bombarded with day in day out (both subliminal and just very, very overt) that LITTLE GIRLS ARE PRINCESSES/PRETTY. Kids are really clever and really observant, there is no way that they won’t be picking up on all of TV adverts, shows, films, shop layouts, peers – all of which are selling them exactly the same message. Yes, PLEASE let your girl wear pink if she wants to but PLEASE, PLEASE just also be aware of why they may prefer pink. We can try and influence and fight against it but it’s there and it’s going to affect them.
The other point about why this can be so damaging is on transgender children. I watched a documentary about a summer camp in the US for transgender children and it made me so sad because it was the one place where these tiny, innocent kids could ‘be themselves’ and dress how they want. A lot of kids who are transgender realise really early on in their life but are bombarded with these really rigid socially-constructed rules around gender which must be so frightening and confusing. But that’s probably a whole other debate!
I’m a buyer so know exactly what Phillipa is talking about, sales are your responsibility so you have to make your cash and tick off those best sellers. I’m in womenswear now but have bought childrenswear for two big department stores (mainly boyswear), but when I did nightwear for both genders it was always the pink pyjamas that were the best sellers. But I also felt strongly about offering customers choice, if absolutely everything is pink you dilute your sales so it is a balancing act.
With my daughter the majority of clothes I’ve been given are pink, but I’ve also recycled some of my son’s bits and some of my lovely friends and family have made an active effort to get her some non pink clothing! I have a fab navy cardigan I love to put her in, but every time she wears it the assumption is that she’s a boy. I love navy myself so it really winds me up. If she ends up a girly girl and loving pink that’s fine, but just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she can’t wear blue!!
In terms of career, flexible working doesn’t exist in my industry and don’t get me started on lack of progression once you go on mat leave. My careers advice was when I was at uni (doing a dance degree) and I actually got semi good advice. I say semi good because the job (dance therapist) really appealed but you have to be a minimum age, plus have a MA so it wasn’t a role I could just go out and do. It’s something I still mull over but doing the MA would cost 7k and take two years, then what if it’s not right and it was all a waste?
I would love both my children to feel they can do whatever they want, whether more vocational or academic. My parents were always very supportive as long as I had decent educational qualifications which I’ve always been grateful for.
Very interesting topic!
Oh and I love that at my son’s childminder when they play fancy dress the boys all fight over the princess sparkly shoes! Really sets off the pirate hat and handbag my son is also usually dressed in ☺️
Love this, my sons fave dress up outfit is the one I like to call ‘princess bumble bee’ yellow and black with sparkly wings and a big tutu, along with my leopard print ballet pumps 😝
I read your original post on Instagram out to my husband and his reaction echoed many of the previous commenters that your issue doesn’t just apply to females and reflects the dismal careers advice offered in our schools. Personally I didn’t experience it, I wanted to be a doctor, I had the grades, so it was easy to advise. My friend on the other hand with a flair for languages was given teaching as the only option (she didn’t want to teach).
My husband, from a farming family, said he wanted to go to university and was told by the careers advisor that he was just wasting time, going off to have fun a uni. He should be getting straight out to work on the farm. His degree led him to do a scholarship, has inspired and gave him the skills to start a number of other businesses which he now runs successfully alongside farming (hardly a waste of time).
On the topic of gender stereotyping and farming – I was recently at a c-section where a farming couple had their 3rd daughter. One of my colleagues spent the rest of her time in theatre telling stories of farmer’s daughters who farm and sons who don’t. Seriously!?! The implication that they might be disappointed at the birth of their 3rd healthy baby really angered me.
I remember Lolly did a post a while back on long hair for boys. Whilst many on here seem to agree boys can of course have long hair, as the owner of a 2 year old boy who rocks a pony tail, I can tell you the general public disagree.
Hilariously, a woman stood behind me in Tesco yesterday smiled at Rex and made a comment about him being a cute girl 🙄, a minute later I said to him how he’d been ever such a good boy, the look of horror on the woman’s face that this cute girl was actually a boy was hysterical! But we get it allllll the time.
I’m not sure if anyone saw the Daily Mail furore over Greg Rutherfords son Milo, but after he featured on a Strictly episode the daily mail exploded with reader comments about how they didn’t dress him as a boy and he shouldn’t have long hair – even his name was ridiculed. Greg’s partner expressed her disgust very clearly on her Instagram.
I do feel that when it comes to gender neutral it seems so much more acceptable for girls to have short hair and wear items from the ‘boys’ collections, rather than boys with long hair who wear anything remotely unisex. I feel that I’m judged as a parent and that people think I bring the gender confusion of Rex on myself because I don’t simply dress him in blue/green clothes covered in tractors/cars/planes etc and obviously that I’ve not cut his hair. It’s a good job I don’t care and I let it go over my head! I think it’s funnier still that his little brother wasn’t blessed with long hair from birth, he’s now got all of Rex’s hand me down clothes and nobody confuses his gender – his short hair obviously validates him as a boy 🤔
I agree that gender neutral clothing should be more of a thing. It’s interesting how most shops do gender neutral ranges (such as Next, Zara Mini) up until 12 months, then after that the ranges go to just boy or girl. Many of my friends with girls buy their clothing from boy collections as they prefer it. But interestingly, as a mother of two boys I’d never dream of putting my boys in something actually from a girls range because of not wanting to put Rex in the front line of any more confusion. But that’s a personal thing to me.
I hate to think that when we send our kids off into the big wide world, that anyone would say they can’t do something because of their gender. Boys and girls doing whatever the **** they want in 2017 and beyond I say! And wearing/growing their hair however the **** they want too! ✌🏻🙌🏼☮️Xx
My experience of school and university careers advice isn’t that great and I think it’s a major issue that needs to be addressed earlier in life. For example, you choose your GCSE options at 13/14 and those subject choices have an affect on what A-level choices you make, which have an affect on what degree you can apply to, which have an effect on what career you can pursue (outside of further study later in life). This never really seems to be addressed and although you can’t be expected to know your career plan at age 13, there should be more guidance (for both child and parent) as to what the choices mean later down the line.
Separately, I work for a family owned firm and had a meeting two weeks ago with a Director about expanding the business line that I run within the company. Although I have support for investment from some, I expressed concern that there were others who wouldn’t support it and would continue to go over my head on certain decisions. My Director’s response was “well the first thing you can do to help that is have a sex change”. He was being jovial and I know that’s not his feeling at all, but the reality of it and the knowledge that it 100% would be easier in this particular circumstance if I was a man, was, ummm, frustrating!
x
This first paragraph – so much this! I’ve been reading a few things recently about what school didn’t prepare people for, and I think the real world of job seeking is definitely one of them.
Quite apart from not putting yourself in a box about what you want to be so early, and then choosing subjects based on that (that shut down other options that may appeal later on,) there is simply so much at that age that you don’t know is a possibility. (Books, TV, etc. that kids/young people are exposed to tends to a very traditional view of careers).
So much this first paragraph too! I would categorically not have chosen the subjects I did had I been given more guidance, I dropped subjects I liked (French, History) in favour of subjects that were perceived to be more “useful”. I actually have no idea whether this has improved in schools now – I would like to think so.
Hi Charlotte – absolutely, me too! I knew I wanted to have a creative job at the age of 11 when I saw my careers advisor. I really wanted to do a BTEC Diploma in Art and Design but was persuaded by the careers advisor (and my parents) to take more ‘useful’ subjects as I believe their view was ‘there is no career in art’
A subject very close to my heart!
Charlotte I was horrified by your account of your meeting with your careers adviser – their role should have been to help you decide what the next sensible steps were on your path to world domination! I found the comment that women do better when they understand the hurdles interesting – as I can totally see where this is coming from.
I always class myself as having had no idea what I wanted to be as a child/teenager, but am realising that’s not true. Ballerina was a definite goal in my early life, and my feet thank me everyday for letting that one go, and Time Team definitely convinced me that an archaeologists life was amazing. And the careers advice I received was basically ‘if that’s what you want these are some sensible A-level choices for you…’ and then life got in the way and I ended up not having a clue what I wanted by the time I left school, heading to University because it was the done, expected thing and then trying to enter a ‘career’ straight afterwards. I then spent my 20s flipflopping a bit all over the place finally ending up in an industry I never would have expected – computer games. Now, I’m the director of my own company, and a mama and trying to work out how that all fits together.
And I do worry a lot about my daughter and the hurdles and difficulties that lie ahead of her. I am very conscious of gender stereotyping and the harm that it can do to aspirations, and to the emotional well being of boys and girls. When it comes to clothes I will admit that I often look at the boys section and see ‘gender neutral’ whereas I look at the girls section and see ‘girls clothes.’ My daughter has pink stuff and wears pink stuff, and I will admit that in most cases I was not the one who bought it – but I do dress her in it. And when she is old enough to make the decision for herself I will allow her to wear what she wants to wear, just as my mother did for us – even when she was internally horrified by the very pink, very sparkly, ra-ra-skirted outfit that my older sister chose!
Gosh this is all so interesting to read. I must admit, the clothes thing really doesn’t bother me at all. I just have no strong feelings about it. I’ve never felt like there’s a lack of choice, or as if Elle can only wear ‘girls’ clothes. Maybe I’d feel different if we had a boy?! But people are very liberal where we live and it’s normal here to see little boys running around in printed hareem pants with long curling locks.
On the careers thing, perhaps I’ve been really lucky, but I’ve absolutely never felt as if being female would prevent me from doing whatever I wanted to do either. Generally our careers support at school was really great (apart from pushing you down the academic route) but that would have applied equally to boys too. I’ve always felt that I could have been a doctor/lawyer/scientist/manager/pilot/builder if that’s what I’d wanted to do. As it is, I’ve chosen a more ‘lifestyle’ job because having a family and spending time with them is MY priority at the moment. Some people might put this down as a ‘housewife’ or ‘stay at home mum’ option – but it’s my choice. Which for me, is what feminism is fundamentally about.
I think I feel like the bigger issue is about support for women after they have kids in getting back to work. We can’t change the fact that genetically, we are the ones that carry & feed the baby – but we can change the fact that after having children the pay gap widens significantly between men and women because the support just isn’t there.
xxx
This is a subject that gets me really riled up I must say. In my humble opinion, I don’t care whether clothing companies make things in pink, blue or all the colours in between. What I REALLY despise is the categorisation into girls and boys clothing. It is children’s clothing. Put it all in one big mix, let the girls wear the pilot tops and the jumpers with sharks on, and let the boys wear the sparkly pink ones if they want too. Don’t separate them out into areas in the shop. I get SOOOOOO cross about this. Can you tell?!! Sure, girls like to wear pink and dress like princesses sometimes (or all the time in some cases), but sometimes they want to wear superman on their t-shirt too. Do parents of boys feel the same way? I can’t work out if it is a thing mothers feel strongly about for daughters but maybe for sons it is easier to let them wear the trains and dress as batman without thinking about adding some pink sparkles into the mix. I find the high-end stuff is pretty good at gender neutral, I just wish the high street stores followed suit.
I myself was very fortunate growing up, I don’t recall ever being told I couldn’t be who I wanted to be, whoever that was. I ended up getting on better with the boys anyway, and studied maths (also full of boys and some very geeky types, the only time I have been on the verge of “cool” in my class!). And then into finance, where I have pretty much always been the only female professional in my team. It doesn’t cross my mind that I shouldn’t do things because I’m a girl, and I’ve been lucky in that my team is pretty open minded. That doesn’t mean to say that I’ve got to the level I want to be, and I feel that having a child and taking a few months off has not helped my case, but something I’m trying to fix. I visibly bristled the other day though when it was suggested maybe I would like to go home rather than join a client dinner. I made it VERY clear that I was available and would be attending thank you very much. They were only trying to be nice but the thought that I should be singled out for special treatment did not sit well with me (just goes to show – you can never win hey?!). It makes me so cross that people are battling every day just because they are female. In all professions. In fact I think some female-dominated professions can be worse at marginalising women (particularly mothers) than male ones. And I don’t mean to go on a feminist rant as I know men who struggle too. Equality in all things seems a long way off… Sorry for the rant, and sorry if I have repeated lots of what others have said, I haven’t had time to read all the comments but I will do so a little later…
Such an interesting debate on this subject and I have loved reading all the comments. I was a tom boy when I was little and always got mistaken for a boy with my short hair and ‘boys clothes’. To this day, i’m still not very ‘girly’ and was really pleased when we had a little boy. I’ve never really thought in that much detail about how I buy clothes for him becasue its just the norm to find the boys section in shops or on line. I don’t specifically buy blue or dark colours, I tend to buy what I like the look of which includes patterns, pinks, blues, greys and yes there is lots of tractors and cars in there too. At nursery when they play dressing up, my son will always be the one trotting around in the pink sparkly shoes and green dress and LOVES a pink handbag. When I showed a pic of him dressed like this to his grandparents, they were a little bit horrified which just made me laugh 🙂
I’m so with you on getting riled up about this stuff, Annie, and I’m mum to a little boy! I love leggings on him and I have to buy them in the girls section at Baby Gap. One of the leggings I bought had (barely discernible) glitter bits on them and my little guy was wandering about in them happy as larry only for people to start making comments about the glitter. ARGH.
I so agree about putting all baby/kids clothes together and letting people buy whatever they bloody want. AMEN.
I have to say Charlotte this topic gets me really hett-up! I am not in the position of having kids just yet (its on the cards though!), however I suffer from dyspraxia and all through school was continually told that I would never make a success of my working career as an adult. As a child I cannot tell you how crushing this was. Thankfully for me my dad always believed in my abilities and, through sheer hard work and stubbornness, I left school with straight A’s and am now a solicitor in a city law firm pursuing the career I had always wanted, but was told I was not capable of having.
So to all the nay-saying career advisors out there, and anyone else who says you or your kids cannot do something – I would say just ignore it and crack on!
Excellent Rebecca, bloody good for you. As if you were told you would not be a success – I hope to God that kind of thing doesn’t happen in schools these days.
I should mention that I apparently asked my mother if I was a boy when I was younger… She had dressed me only in boiler suits and boy’s clothing, and I only got a party dress when I begged for one at about age 6, haha!!
I have never written a comment on a blog before but this post is also close to my heart.
I have a little boy (3.5yrs) who has the most beautiful long thick curly hair, I often experiment with different hair styles a couple of which include piggy/bunches and a top knot, I personally think he looks pretty cool! But 90% of the time he is referred to as a girl, this can happen within any setting, I recently took him to have his injections..the nurse referred to him as a she! When I corrected her, she looked at her computer screen and said “oh yes it was the bunches in his hair that threw me” really?? I do get tired of correcting people and have been known to just simply ignore to avoid the embarrassment which I add doesn’t come from me, I’m also told that it’s because “he’s so pretty” as if this is just something that only girls can be.
My son loves trains/cars but he also likes playing with dolls and watching princess films, I will say though that his dad isn’t keen on him playing with the so called stereotypical girl toys, I however am not bothered and encourage him to do so.
He is currently watching sponge bob square pants clutching one of his many trains and a pink fairy wand.
Hi Cheryl *waves* – love it when a reader is encouraged enough to leave a comment. Really appreciate you doing so. Also “it was the bunches that threw me” I mean really?!
I don’t have a boy but if he had beautiful hair that he didn’t want to cut then I wouldn’t either. x
I often read both RMS & RMF at lunchtime, and do enjoy reading the comments. However today’s post has really annoyed me. Firstly I think you all have far too much time on your hands to really get into detail about such a blah topic (sorry Charlotte).
Do these things really matter? For crying out loud.
You are all so lucky to have healthy children – just enjoy it.
Hi Anon, can I just clarify – which aspect is blah, wanting equal opportunities for our kids or gender stereotyping in general, or both? No need to apologise to me, not everyone is going to like/enjoy everything we write about.
I consider myself extremely, extremely lucky to have a happy healthy daughter, and that feeling is only heightened by some of the features on RMF which highlight the fragility of life.
I would argue that having a good grasp on some of the issues which face my daughter’s mental wellbeing, both now and in the future, is just as important as my knowledge of physical health. The comments on topics like these often give lots of food for thought, personally I appreciate the help navigating some of the more untouched upon areas of parenting 🙂 xxx
Anon, yes these things really matter. I want all children to grow up in a world where they have equal opportunities and access – where a little girl can wear a jumper which says “Pilot” and know that, one day, that’s exactly what she could become. I’m sorry you think that’s a ‘blah topic’ but I completely disagree.
I just want to second all of Laura’s sentiments above – whilst we count ourselves lucky to have a healthy, happy daughter right now we are also very conscious of the way in which strong gender divisions (and expectations) can affect mental and emotional well being, and so giving these things some thought is vital.
My careers advice was awful! I answered multiple choice questions on the computer and then looked at the results with the Careers Adviser – Nursery Nurse, Hairdresser, Shop worker were my options. No mention of college or university at all. My parents were also of the mind that you left school and got a ‘proper’ full-time job. Still no idea of what ‘proper’ was I got a Saturday job at a hairdressers and the day after I left school I started full-time work for £50 a week (it seriously did feel like slave labour). Needless to say this was not the career path for me. I then floated on from one admin job to the next until at 23 I decided to go to university – best decision I made. I needed the break from working full-time and feeling like I hadn’t made the decision as to where my life was going.
Looking back I needed space to mature a little and find out what I was passionate about and wanted to do. When my children come along I really want them to make their minds up for themselves and not be pushed on to a path they do not want – nothing wrong with a little nudge to keep them focused – but I want it to be their decision.
I do feel I was very fortunate to have a clear path from the offset of what I wanted to do (graphic design) and was encouraged at every step of the way by my very liberal parents. I strongly feel it made a world of difference. I never really noticed the gender gap until I became pregnant and I guess it changed my mindset as well as opened my eyes a little more. Graphic design is still a very male dominated business and not very family friendly when it comes to the hours. After 14 years in the industry I took the plunge to become a freelancer, which so far has been the best thing I ever did.
I am about to become a mother to my second daughter very soon and I agree with every sentiment of your post. My daughters can be whatever the hell they want to be and I will back them to the hilt!! As for the clothes, I dress them in what I and they like, that can be a pink number one day and tracksuit bottoms the next. Sofia has an awful lot of denim, as I think it is so flexible, plus she looks bloody gorgeous in blue 🙂
Oh completely off topic but I have found a miracle product and needed to share!! I suffer from terribly dry skin (especially since being pregnant) and have been a fan of night oils for a while. However I recently tried a sample of the Kiehls Midnight recovery. OMG amazing!! My skin has never felt so soft, the web reviews speak volumes too. Take a look.
http://www.kiehls.co.uk/skin-care/category/serums/midnight-recovery-concentrate/819.html
P.S I don’t work for Kiehls. 😉
xx
Love a random beauty recommendation Louise! Especially one for dry skin – will take a look x
I personally think careers advisors are so disconnected with the reality of the working world and the diversity of careers/roles available – as are teachers. Many teachers/careers advisors really only have experience of education (many – not all) which makes them woefully unaware of what is out there and how to advise young people. I don’t know what the answer is but it seems there must be a better way of connecting young people with the world of work and the types of jobs available.
Finally made it to the end of the comments! Personally I don’t get het up about whether the outfit is in the boys section or the girls (we have the astronaut top from Zara actually for my space obsessed little girl) but what I find really difficult is the promiscuity of girls clothing. Whole other post I know.
Also, on clothing, if you are reading this M & S, you’ve upped your game on the boys clothing for spring and summer. MUCH better thank you #spentafortune.
On the whole “my daughter can be what she wants thing” I think we have a long way to go – yes to the reader that said women are entering graduate programmes in droves. However, I worked in the City for a top tier law firm. Our intake last year was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WOMEN (and has been female dominated for the last 10 or so years) yet the board and senior management are NINETY PERCENT MEN. The issue is that these firms (all over the city) are losing women at the 30-35 age bracket. Wonder why that could be…**eyeroll**
I saw those jumpers in my local Zara and I’m very happy to report that they were placed on a table with lots of gender neutral options between the boys and girls clothes. The staff obviously see a market for gender neutral styling!