I was OUTRAGEOUSLY unrealistic about how quickly I’d ‘bounce’ back to my pre-baby body. Elle turned one a few weeks ago (Happy first birthday to all of the other January babies out there – I know we’ve got a few) and honestly – it’s only just now that I’m starting to look and feel like myself again.

My labour with Elle was very straightforward and I hadn’t torn my stomach muscles, so there was absolutely no reason why I couldn’t start exercising again after I’d had the OK from my GP. But it was literally the last thing that I wanted to do. My boobs were rock hard and painful, my nipples were raw and blistered – the thought of them rubbing against a sports bra was enough to 1) make me want to throw up and 2) question my friend Charlie, who was about to do a 5k Race for Life with her new born premmie baby in a running buggy (I know, she’s an absolute hero) how on earth exercise was even possible with breastfeeding boobs?!

But, the breastfeeding hell did get easier, and at 12 weeks I joined a buggy bootcamp exercise class. It was great – it got me outside in the fresh air, with other equally shell-shocked new mums, and kind of kickstarted me into realising that exercise with the baby was possible, you just had to make it work! I did this class twice a week, with occasional runs for a good few months and still I felt that nothing was shifting. I say runs – I mean wheezing jogs around the block feeling like the heavy, lumpy, lethargic body I was carrying wasn’t my own – but it was making me feel better – there’s nothing like a good sweat in the fresh air for lifting your mood, which I really needed.

If you breastfeed, you’ll probably be told it helps you lose weight. As far as I’m concerned, this is a big fat lie. It helps your uterus (painfully) contract back to size it should be (without a tiny human in there) but it also makes you want to eat ALL the food. I have never needed to eat so much before in my life – I literally could not consume enough. You also spend a huge amount of time just sitting on the sofa or in bed feeding the baby, and we all know sitting on your bum is not a great way to get in shape (especially not when you have a jar of Nutella propped up on the baby and a spoon in the other hand)…

Looking back, as Elle was weaned onto proper food and fed much less frequently, my appetite definitely shrank. This, combined with the fact that I started to fit in some yoga or stretching everyday (even if just for 10 minutes) to sort out my crippled back, slowly made me start to feel that I was in tune with my body again. But still, it wasn’t until just before Christmas, when Elle was around 11 months, that I went for one of my runs and felt like my limbs, muscles, lungs and heart were actually working together properly for the first time.

I’ve recently stopped breastfeeding (an experience I’ll share soon) and again I’ve seen another drop in my appetite, my posture is significantly better and over the coming months I’d really like to start toning up.

So after just over a year, my ‘baby’ weight has finally shifted – but my body is by no means the same as it was. My boobs are unrecognisable (there’s genuinely a chunk missing from one nipple), I don’t think my hips will ever return to where they were before, and I have to be much more careful about my diet now, but I’m finally feeling normal again. It only took over a year! And I do have a very adorable little person to show for it 😉

If anyone else is feeling a bit miserable about their bodies right now, please don’t beat yourself up about it, do what you need to do (by which I mean throw yourself into it, or just sit on the sofa and watch box sets – whatever works for you) but be patient, and I promise, you will feel normal again. In fact, you will feel better than normal – you will feel empowered over what your body can do, us girls really are incredible creatures.

Fern x

(P.S. I found my buggy exercise class on Facebook, it seems to be a ‘thing’ so have a search of your local area and see what you can find – there are indoor classes too and you can take little ones of all ages. We also did a great post on Rock My Style about at home workouts, so check that out if you’re looking for something you can fit in while your baby sleeps (although if you just want to sleep while your baby sleeps, I will not judge you, in fact I might just join you…)

Image by Anna Clarke Photography