So potty training is a barrel of laughs isn’t it?! I feel like we’ve been doing a half arsed job of it for what feels like months. We’re kind of there. But kind of not. Elle is now two and three quarters. She’s been using the toilet at home for a good couple of months. BUT so far, this is only successful when she’s not wearing anything on her bottom half and the few times where we have braved it out of the house have always resulted in accidents, so we’ve kind of hit a wall.
I’ll set the scene – we’re very much a baby led household. I knew I didn’t want to have Elle potty trained by a certain time, so we went with it and always had the potty out during nappy free time. She very quickly got the hang of using it and now will use the proper toilet by herself whenever required. Accidents at home now are pretty much non existent which is great. The only slight problem with this is that in her head, knickers are the same as nappies and so whenever we’ve tried big-girl pants, she’s had an accident and has then refused to wear them.
However, literally just in the last few days, Elle’s actually asked to wear pants! Inspired by one of her friends at nursery, I’m really hoping that this is a turning point. And the thing is, I know she’s capable of doing it, as her behaviour at home shows. I totally had mum-guilt at the park the other day, when she was running round in nappies looking far too old to be wearing them. (I know, I know, if anyone said that to me, I’d think stop being so judgemental). Sometimes I (we) do worry that our relaxed approached to parenting is perhaps, well a little too relaxed. Should we be pushing her to wear pants? She clearly has good bladder control and is comfortable using the toilet. But then perhaps when she’s out and about it’s just all too distracting and she’s not quite ready?
And what on earth do you do in the car? We regularly do long car journeys and stopping immediately isn’t always easy. What about at night time? Surely they can’t go through the night without needed a wee? I rarely do that and I’m a grown up! My main concern is about confusing my lovely girl so if anyone can share any pearls of wisdom I’d really appreciate it.
(P.S. Sadly this is not my bathroom, but one the gorgeous bathrooms at the lovely Iscoyd Park, one of RMW’s favourite wedding venues. You can see more on Rock My Style)
Oh potty training, a constant source of mum guilt.
It sounds like you and Elle are doing great to me! E is just hitting 31 months and the potty & toilet are still quite a novelty. She just doesn’t have the bladder control or the understanding for anything more right now. I understand that, I don’t want to push her too soon, but there’s still a big part of me that really wants her to pick it up soon!
My sister did a great job with her two, wait til they’re ready then book a week off work to get it done. No messing. She plans short trips out to build confidence in the little ones and the whole week is focused on potty training.
I haven’t asked her about night time yet! I really must… E puts in 12 solid hours kip a night and her nappies are so full in the morning, I wonder how we’re ever going to go without them!
Looking forward to the comments and some pearls of wisdom xx
Same here on the ridiculously full nappies in the morning Karen! I think I need to work on making sure she drinks enough during the day as she guzzles water/milk at bedtime like there’s no tomorrow :S
Such a timely post. We are trying again with our 2 and half year old toddler daughter. The first time she just held the wee and poo and made herself unwell so we stopped. I think I’d been swayed by nursery telling me they thought she was ready. She wasn’t!
This time, we’ve had a few successes on the potty and she wants to wear pants so we’re giving it another go. Only day two though! Day one had three accidents which isn’t too bad…
I’m putting her in knickers with a pair of training pants over the top to give a bit more absorbion. In the car on a long journey she’d sit on a nappy pad to catch any accidents.
Don’t they look skinny once you take their nappies off!! No longer chubby toddlers.
Ah they do look so old in pants rather than nappies Clare, you’re right! This morning Elle has gone to nursery in big girl pants!!!!!!! She refused to wear her nappy, telling me it was for babies. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed she has a good day – talk about throwing her in at the deep end! Sorry to hear nursery spoke a bit too soon, I feel like it’s two steps forward and one step back with these things xxxx
Fern. It sounds like you’re just where we are. My daughter decided she wanted you to wear her pants rather than pull ups. Although I did have to find some Minnie mouse ones much to my dismay as I try to avoid characters on clothes! But if it helps……
Hmmm potty training!
Until just recently I would tell most people that I think there’s a window at around 2 when you need to introduce the potty. This was because I felt we had missed the boat with my now just turned 3 years old – and I was that mum at the park/nursery feeling that she was much too old for nappies too.
We had tried initially when she was around 26 month – and failed. She then seemed to develop some kind of irrational potty fear – tears each time we mentioned it – nursery said not to push it – so we didn’t.
Fast forward to 33 months and one day she just wanted to put pants on at nursery for a bit and use the toilet. After a couple of accidents that first day something just clicked – she used the toilet – no accidents and telling us that she needed to go. I don’t know what made that happen – most of her friends at nursery had been using the potty/toilet for ages. She says that the potty is for babies so in her mind she was only going to use the toilet when she could do it all by herself.
So now I think it all depends on their character and they will when they are ready! Our experience was the least stressful ever – which of course I can say with hindsight!! We use the same with naps – be led by her – sometimes she wants a nappy sometimes not. And night time will follow but I’m not pushing that at all.
Car journeys I was apprehensive and used a nappy first but we now go nappy free – my SIL had given us a waterproof car seat liner to protect in case of an accident – may be worth a try? X
I’m really hoping this is the case with us too, I’ve mentioned above that literally just this morning Elle’s asked to wear pants to nursery!!! And thanks for the car seat tip, we have a cover actually as she’s prone to car sickness, so will get that out next time we do a long journey 🙂
And there’s just no hiding from the mum guilt is there?! It’s at every turn!!! xxxx
Ohhhh we are just coming out of the other side of potty training after much emotion and mess! While we are very baby led I also wanted Silvia to be in pants starting preschool if at all possible.
Things I have learnt through much guilt and agony:
1) it’s no use immediately expecting them to tell you when they need to go- no matter how bright or verbal or how much they tell you if nappy is on. Our first day was hell with not a single wee in the potty and a full washing machine because of this. Cue enormous guilt and assuming she wasn’t ready. We went back to nappies for a day then the following morning she asked for pants.
2) Pop them in the loo or potty for a couple of minutes about once an hour. Huge praise and reward (we did a chart, smarties each wee or poo and a sticker, toy every few gods and a BIG PRESENT at the end) if they go, no drama and a hug if they don’t and try again in a bit. This worked really really well for us. Stay home or do little trips, bringing potty with you. People are usually lovely and sympathetic when they see the potty by the car back wheel!
3) You will still have accidents. And that’s ok! Children at school still forget when playing, why wouldn’t a toddler? We had a phase of running off for a secret poo- in pants- particular lowlight locations included a tunnel at the playground and under my Lakeland heated aired…
4) After about a month, Silv started to tell us herself when she needed to go. And now, 8 weeks in, she almost always tells me, not the other way around. Including in the car for the first time the other day. Pulled over in a lay by, and we had an “adventure wee” in the grass. No drama. But for the first few weeks we sat her on a puppy pad in the car. Planning on using them under her mattress protector at night which is the next hurdle.
5) They are ready when you and they are ready. Nobody else matters. If anyone comes at you with judgement tell them that rates of UTIs, kidney problems and chronic constipation soared when people potty trained before children were ready, forcing them on the loo for ages until they went etc. Our HVs were very clear on this, but then they are awesome. We are lucky.
6) The ERIC website is really helpful.
https://www.eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/potty-training
Good luck and be kind to yourself xxxxx
Lucy you’re the best – thank you for this. And I’m totally dying at the secret poos, definitely tales to use during their horrible teenage years…xxxx
Oh the joys of potty training! We started a few months back just before Juliet was two and a half. I don’t work Fridays and I took the following Monday off so I could spend 4 days one on one with her at home. In the run up I took her shopping for pants which she seemed to love. And then we just went for it. Weirdly, she was pretty good with weeing almost immediately, because I kept asking her if she wanted to go to the toilet every 15 minutes! But she pooed in her pants every time for the first three days and I started to worry that we’d have to send her to nursery with ALL the spare clothes. But, in the morning of the fourth day, I told her that if she did a poo on the toilet we could go to the toy shop and choose a big treat and the bribery seemed to work!
Since then, we’ve never had a number two accident but she has totally regressed with the wees and can have two or three accidents a day. I think part of the problem is that she just gets distracted and doesn’t want to leave a game she’s playing etc.
When we’re out and about she’s actually really good, I think because she’s less comfortable than at home or nursery and she rarely has accidents. As for car journeys, I make her go before we get in the car and don’t really give her anything to drink until we are stopped. And I have a nappy in the bottom of her car seat just in case.
I think nursery played a big part in our semi success – so many of her friends are also doing it and the toilet is in the big children room so it was just enough encouragement. But they are all so different, you will get there!
Thanks Jennifer, love the shopping for pants idea. We’ve been promising treats if she tries etc but I just think she hasn’t been fussed about it yet. I’ve just texted the childminder to see how she’s getting on – she wore pants this very morning!!! And that’s a good point about car journeys, sometimes you need someone else to point out the obvious things! We tend to avoid liquids before car anyway due to sickness, so hopefully this shouldn’t be too hard to do. Sounds like you guys are well on your way! xxxx
Fern we are basically in the same position but my little girl is a bit older than yours so don’t feel bad! I feel like we’ve been a bit half-arsed about it too and very relaxed but that’s just how we are, plus my little girl is stubborn and you can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to! I didn’t want to push it too hard and put her off… we are the same in that at home she’s fine but out and about is trickier as she doesn’t want to use the toilets in public places (neither do I really so I can’t say I blame her!) I’ve thought about buying one of those portable potties maybe? But not sure I fancy dragging yet another item everywhere with me. At the moment we let her wear pull ups out and about and she does still hold her wee most times but at least it’s a back up, although saying that now I feel like I’m probably doing it more for my own sake than hers 😬 We also have the issue that she is fine doing wees on the potty or toilet but doesn’t want to do the other on it! 🙈 With regards overnight I wouldn’t worry about that, it will come in its own time. My girl wears pull ups to bed but most mornings they are dry, however just a few weeks ago they were very full of wee by the morning so she’s just started holding it overnight of her own accord. I don’t think its something you can really control, at some point they will become dry overnight but it may be quite a while after mastering toilet training in the daytime! A few times she has woken in the night and asked to go to the toilet but it hasn’t generally been a problem because she’s gone straight back to sleep! X
Totally with you on not wanting to cart a potty around 😉 it does sound like we’re in a similar situation, I’m going to focus on getting to whole days in pants, then the night time will come when she’s ready as you say! xxx
I have given in and bought the portable potty as couldn’t see how else I’d ever leave the house again! I really didn’t like the idea of it but actually, it’s so useful…if there’s an actual toilet, it converts to a seat meaning they don’t touch the grotty public loo. And if not, it provides a comfy seat in the great outdoors rather than being precariously held whilst trying not to get wee on anyone! The refill bags are expensive so rarely use them but good for emergencies…if outside, we set the potty out without the bag and if a wee becomes a poo, we just use the bag to scoop the poop. And yes, it can be annoying to cart around sometimes, but like all these things I’ve consoled myself with the thought that it won’t last forever!
Definitely wait until they are ready, it’s so much easier. With my daughter I tried just after she was 2 but she really had no clue when she needed to go so had lots of accidents. I decided to wait a couple of months and try again. In the meantime I left the potty out and got her to have a sit on it before her bath every night if she wanted too. I’d also go nappy free after dinner for an hour most days to give her the opportunity to try.
Then one day when she was nearly 2 1/2 she just took herself off to the potty and went! I realised this was our opportunity so ditched the nappies.
I’d take her to the toilet frequently, probably every hour at first. I think it was a couple of weeks and then she really got the hang of it. At night time we used pull ups and I waited until she was dry consistently before she decided she didn’t want to wear one on her 3rd birthday! I don’t think you can train them the same at night.
It’s a tricky one but they do all get there in the end.
Thanks Cat 🙂 I need to train myself to take her to toilet more frequently when we’re out! xxxx
I would say don’t worry about night time at the same time as potty training. They don’t go hand in hand. Get potty training done first. It was a good time between getting the toilet sorted in the day then night time dryness. Zach wore pull ups for quite a while at night. Best thing we got was a toilet seat with a ladder from argos as Zach liked going to the toilet without us like he does at nursery. We had loads of accidents but just rolled with it. He still has a few accidents now at 3.5 years usually when overtired or distracted but these are very few and far between.
We made a big thing of whenever he asked to go to the loo which has meant that discussions on poo and wee (quality size and quantity) now seem to be part of daily life. Also as my son has no filter on how loud he is there have been many occasions across crowded restaurants etc when the patrons get to hear “mummy I’ve done a massive pooooooo” as he makes his way back to me.
Also bed pads and waterproof bed covers are essential for the next step of nappy free nights x
Oh Helen so many hilarious and gross moments already. ‘But Mummy I want to hold my poopoo in my hands!’ ‘Mummy the poopoo and weewee have mixed together!’ BLLLEEEUURRRGGGHHHHH. Luckily we have a dog so this kind of sh*t (literally) doesn’t phase me any more xxxx
Morning all. I’ve found that this is an ongoing process. my oldest was out of nappies in the day time when he was about 3 and he did it in a week. He’d been using the loo in the morning and evening for a few months so wasn’t a shock. There are still accidents and he’s now 4 and at school. He gets so involved in what he’s doing that I think he sees going to the toilet as a bother. Ahhhh. He wears a night time nappy as he just doesn’t wake up if he needs a wee at night. It’s all a process of learning, like everything really. There should be no judgment on what stage your child is at.
Definitely Lizzy, it can be hard when all your friends little ones seem to be out of nappies and yours is still running around with a squidgy bum. But you’re so right, they all do it in their own time xxxx
Potty training is so stressful! My lg is the same age as Elle, she’s been day trained for a couple of months now but I’m still to scared to go nappy free at nights (not least cause she always ends up in our bed and we have an 8 day old too).
I think the best approach is a relaxed one. There aren’t too many children starting school in nappies! And in the car? There are portable potties you can buy that have lids and bags and can be kept in the car. Takes the stress right out of long journeys. x
A portable potty?! How did I not know they existed?! Thanks Tracey. I think from everyone’s comments I’m not going to stress about nights at all for a while 🙂 Hope you’re doing well with your gorgeous new one, congratulations xxxxxxx
Fern I’m so with you on this one. My little girl is two and a half and I feel if we really went for it we could get her out of nappies as she does use the potty before the bath and we’ve had a few days in pants. After doing a few wees on the potty she will have an accident and ask for a nappy so I let her as I don’t want it to feel like it’s a big deal for her. My son is 4 and after the same relaxed approach went from nappies to pants in a couple of days a couple of months before turning 3. I can honestly count the number of accidents he’s had on one hand. When we are out we always have to have a disagreement about using the toilet but usually some bribery works otherwise he holds it in for hours! In terms of being out and about ‘watering the flowers’ was always my approach. People have said boys and girls are different so just hope laid back approach works with number 2! My eldest is still in nighttime pants. We just wanted to enjoy a few months of full nights sleep now they are both older before the next battle!
Oh gosh anything for a good nights sleep!!! Thanks Ella, I’m going to stick with the soft approach and see how she gets on. I’m really conscious of not pushing it and if it takes until she’s three or beyond then so be it 🙂 xxxxx
I’m not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but day time and night time dryness are different things – night-time dryness is a hormonal thing, it can’t be ‘taught’ both mine were in nighttime pull-ups for over a year after daytime dryness and both are now fully dry day and night.
Thanks Helen, I did think know this was the case somewhere deep in my brain and all the lovely comments today have reminded me. I didn’t realise it was hormonal though! That’s really interesting xxxx
I’m just about to start potty training for the second time. My youngest is almost two but is really keen to use the potty and wear pants (maybe just to be like his brother) so I feel I should go for it.y eldest now five took to using the potty and toilet really well for wees but took him 10 months to reliably poo anywhere other than a nappy!🙈 I tried EVERYTHING: charts, sweets, bribery but nothing worked. He just waited until his nappy went on at night. In the end I took to lurking outside of his room waiting for “poo sounds” before dashing in and putting him on the potty.
Because of all of that I didn’t even consider night dryness until one day e just told me he didn’t need a nappy that night and he’s never wet the bed!
Hopefully the whole thing will be a bit of a shorter process this time!
We successfully potty trained in a week when P was 2 and three quarters. I felt we left it late but she never showed all the signs and so we waited til my husband was on half term and could stay in. We did the shopping for knickers and on day one she went through 19 pairs! Day two it was 6 pairs and so on. We did have one day where so didn’t wee from 8am til 3pm as my constant asking and saying ‘Just try’ turned it into a battle of wills. So now we usually rely on her to tell us which works. She only poos every other day and we’ve had a few issues where she’s ‘scared’ of pooing so holds it in which makes her uncomfortable and upset and smelly(!) but that seems to be getting better. And we don’t have accidents.
After a week or so of being dry during the day I realised her night nappy was dry too, she’s never had an accident over night, we’re very lucky that just happened with no effort!!
I’m now glad we waited so long as I think that’s made it easier because she’s old enough to understand more and communicate well.
My just turned two year old decided to potty train herself when her sibling arrived – just literally said nappies are for babies, I’m going to wear knickers now! Oh, if only it was that easy…
As I was on Mat leave, we stayed in for a week and tackled it head on. I almost gave up on day 2 and cried on day 4 from the sheer exhausation of it all (I think the 6 week old baby contributed to that too!) We seemed y
Oops, posted too early!
…we seemed to have good day, bad day which was disheartening as felt like she was just getting it then back to square one. However, day 7 was just a lightbulb moment and then there was no going back!
We always go to the loo before leaving house, and although she usually tells us, I find that if a reasonable time has passed (about 2 hours) I’ll suggest it – sometimes met with protest, but a reminder that we can come straight back to play after usually does the trick.
She’s growing out of a nap, and I do find on days she’s very tired, there seems to be a few accidents. So when that happens, I usually make it more of a focus/reminder the next day and offer a sticker if everything goes in the toilet.
I thought I’d be mortified if she had an accident in public, but actually in that moment, my only focus is her and how she feels and on getting her clean and dry, so hasn’t bothered me like I thought it might (although the wee on my friend’s week-old carpet was a little cringy!!) I’ve since noticed loads of kids carting round potties or having little accidents at the park, which I’ve never previously noticed so I think we only see what’s on our radar at the time!
She went dry at night within the week but I know this is very uncommon, so we’re lucky that we don’t have to tackle that later! She sleeps for 12 hours straight most nights, although did find early on that she went 10 before waking and needing a wee. Getting back into bed afterwards didn’t seem to bother her, so I wouldn’t worry about sleep disruption if they do wake to go to loo, she just seemed to go straight back without issue.
Good luck everyone – they all get there in their own time! My biggest advice would be to wait until they’re ready and don’t be sucked in to any comparisons with anyone else Xx
My daughter seeks to be ok with doing poos in the potty but doesn’t want to do wees. From what I’ve read normally it’s the other way around. Hopefully with a bit more time she’ll get it sorted. Anyone else had this??
We discovered our boy was ready by total accident / fluke. He was two and a half and during nappy free morning just went and sat on the potty for a wee. The following weekend we went for it and took him to the shop to choose some pants. We had loads of accidents for two days straight, including on my friend’s carpet, in the field, everywhere. Day 3 at nursery he was dry all day. As others have said they used to take him for a wee every hour, plus some of his friends used the toilet, which helped.
Poos on the other hand was a whole different story. I think he managed to freak himself out about poos and found the sensation of not having it in a nappy against him weird. We had constant accidents for two months until after lots and lots of encouragement and a sticker chart he finally got it. Now he’s great and hardly ever has accidents. He’s now almost four and we’ve only just started attempting night time dryness so I’d say tackle that part separately. Especially if she’s still drinking lots in the evening. I had to cut out my boy’s evening drink, otherwise he’d wee in the night.
I’d say go for it as she’s obviously ready, and will hate to be wet in pants once she’s had a few accidents. In the car we used a towel on top of a plastic bag, but only once had an accident. I’d usually make him go for a wee before going on the journey. ‘Wild wees’ are also fine. In fact we had one the other day waiting for hubby by the train station. Not used to dealing with stand up wees either, so was an interesting few minutes, haha! xx
I’m REALLY late to this (thanks hectic work schedule!!) but having recently been through this thought I would add my top tips/purchases.
1) I read around online (including ERIC online, as recommended above) and we tried with no books. Disaster on day 1 and we thought we would give up, I then sat in Waterstones for ages reading the books and ended up buying Gina Ford’s Contented Toddler book (incidentally not a fan of her baby books, but the toddler one speaks some sound advice on certain subjects). We managed to potty train our 21 month in 3 days so something obviously worked for us. Obviously every child is different (and we only did it so early because she was fascinated by the older children at nursery using the potty so she seemed, and it turned out was, ready).
2) sticker reward charts! Best invention ever for toddlers 🙂
3) we went to a shop way before starting potty training, our LO picked out her own potty (well we tried lots of different ones, and then I let her pick the colour of the one we eventually went for). I also got a matching stool which she loves. She was so proud of her potty. Ditto picking out big girl pants…
4) Accidents will happen. Frequently at the beginning, and also randomly once fully trained it seems. It’s just life so expect them – much less stressful once you realise that being potty trained doesn’t mean 100% success all the time forever more…
5) Portable potty!!! We got this one, she loves the ladybird design (whatever helps!) and it seems really sturdy and most importantly does not leak… https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Carry-Potty-Waterproof-Ladybir/dp/B00MBFWMZI/
Also don’t be shy, honestly the amount of times we have stopped in the middle of the street or hidden in a doorway in order to use the potty in the very early days…
5) Car seat protector! For peace of mind, and again, accidents will happen… We got this one, fits neatly (not been tested yet mind you but still…) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Koo-Wetec-Protector-KD037-Charcoa/dp/B0010S3VXY/
Hope that helps anyone reading about this later on after my very tardy comment 🙂 Good luck!!