That’s me. If the girls argue, I shout. If they spill drinks all over the carpet, I shout. If they mess about at dinnertime, I shout. Basically I seem to have a very short fuse and I hate that about myself. As a mum I should be able to control myself but no matter how many times I try the shouting just pops out.

The other week I had yet another horrible case of guilt. Molly had been sat playing beautifully after school and asked me for a hot chocolate. I made her some in her special china cup after she told me she would be careful not to spill it. Low and behold at the last moment she dropped the cup and chocolate milk flew all over the carpet. ‘Molly, be careful. Look what you’ve done’. Followed by numerous if you can’t drink properly you will have to have a lid next time. It wasn’t my loudest shouting but she knew I was cross. I then took a deep breath. It was an accident and she hadn’t meant to do it. So I told her it was fine and we started the clean up. Just as I’m putting everything away she knocks the phone off the side so it goes crashing on to the floor and there follows another raised voice. The poor girl then headed off upstairs and I found her up there with tears rolling down her cheeks. I felt awful. As in heart breaking, I’m a terrible mum kind of awful. Why can’t I stop the shouting? They don’t know and they are only little. I hate myself for it. I wouldn’t say I have a temper, although some may disagree, more that I am just a shouty person. I always have been. At my brothers and sisters, at Edd (a lot!) and now at the girls. I’m also very loud in general!! So when I say shout it is probably just a very loud sentence normally started with ‘Girls, will you stop…..’. Insert any choice of arguing, taking her toys, annoying each other (and mummy) etc etc.

I would never ever do anything but shout but to a small child that is enough. Mummy shouting can be a scary thing and I regret it every single time. Surely I should be being the grown up and controlling my feelings and not loosing my rag at the kids. But it’s so blimmin hard.

They are the most amazing girls and on the whole not naughty or mischievous. I am a pretty relaxed parent and I’ve found it works well with the girls. I know most parents say this about their kids but they honestly aren’t naughty or malicious (apart from the odd toy stealing from each other). Just normal three and five year olds. Any time they do something that makes me raise my voice it is normally very low on the naughty scale. It is the constant bickering between the girls that often grates on me and causes me to speak before I think. I will add here that I don’t spend my whole day shouting by any means.

I know children need to know when they do things wrong or are being naughty but I wish that I could be one of those mums who sits calmly and talks to them about what they did wrong rather than shouting. It’s like an instant reaction. I just find it so hard when I’m normally tired, stressed or, let’s be honest, just fed up of telling them same thing for the millionth time.

My girls are my world. Everything to me and I can’t bare to think that I am upsetting them. I’ve been trying really hard these last few weeks and, do you know what, it’s actually quite easy to keep my voice to a more normal level. Every time I’ve felt the decibel level going up I’ve taken a deep breath and tried to remember they are little or that it was an accident. There are still the ‘Girls, will you XYZ’ but I’m guessing that is part and parcel of being a mum.

I’m hoping you won’t judge me for this but I needed to get it off my chest. I don’t want you thinking that I shout at my kids lots. In truth it is probably just the normal level of motherhood raised voices but I hate being that shouty mum. I would love to know how you handle situations when you feel your voice getting just that little bit too loud.