Today I want to introduce you to the lovely Kate who is going to be sharing her pregnancy diary with you all over the coming months. We first got to know Kate when we shared her home tour over on Rock My Style (take a peek, it’s a beaut) and she is now nearly four months pregnant with her first baby. I’ll hand over to Kate to talk all about the conception and the struggles they faced getting pregnant.
Hello everyone! My name is Kate (some of you may know me as OveratKates!) I’ve been a huge fan of the Rock My… blogs for a long time now and was thrilled when they asked me to share my pregnancy journey with you all. What better place to start than with how I got pregnant. No, not the details of exactly ‘how’ but my journey from deciding that we were ready to have a baby to finally seeing that blue cross!
It was last Spring when Chris and I decided we both finally felt ready (as ready as you can for your world to be turned upside down!) for a baby of our own. Immediately after deciding I began reading a lot (too much) about how long it takes to get pregnant and ways in which you can help to speed the process along! Like many women, I threw myself into ‘trying to conceive’ completely, downloading all the apps, spending a fortune on ovulation kits and half of Holland and Barratt thinking that was going to make all the difference. I even refused to drink tap water after reading that there are so many women on the pill these days that our water is filed with oestrogen! Crazy, I know!
My first cycle turned out to be an agonising 80 days – I dread to think the amount of money I wasted on pregnancy tests in that time, not really believing but truly hoping that we had been just that lucky! When my period finally turned up I cried in the toilets at work. The next month I prepared myself to be a little more realistic but after 60 days with no sign of a period I began testing again. This cycle was an equally painful 75 days and the disappointment when I finally got my period was just as great. I was totally unprepared for how long it would take for my body to adjust after coming off the pill.
I went to my doctor, Dr. Raymond Marquette after about 6 months, I had only had two cycles in that time and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help get them back on track. The only advice he had for me was to be patient and stop worrying. Err thanks Doc, but how do I do that?!
With some advice from the doctor I turned to my trusty forums and began to take more and more supplements and cut out things from my diet. I even banned my husband from using the steam room and sauna at work (although he admitted to me recently that he didn’t!) Months went by and the disappointment only got worse.
My cycles eventually got down to 40 days after about a year, still much longer than they should be. I went back to the doctor and they agreed to refer me for further tests. About 2 years ago I had an operation to remove some pre-cancerous cells (two weeks before my wedding – great timing!) and the doctor found that I also had endometriosis. I know some people can suffer terribly with endo, and I’m lucky in that I have never suffered greatly, but of course I had read endless facts about the impact it could have on fertility. On top of that, as a result of my extra-long cycles, the doctor suggested that I may also have PCOS. I was referred to the fertility clinic and told to wait for an appointment.
Two of my closest friends had started trying around the same time that Chris and I had and had both fallen pregnant, one almost immediately and the other in just a few months. Of course I was happy for them but I will admit I cried a lot (in private) once I found out their news. Now they were happily pregnant and sending me scan pictures while I waited to be seen at the clinic.
My appointment came around pretty quickly and Chris and I sat in the office of the gynaecologist like two scared school kids. She asked endless questions and explained that she recommended that I have the same operation again to remove my endometriosis and at the same time they would check whether my tubes were blocked. Rather matter-of-factly she told us that if they were our only option would be IVF. I came home and cried a little more but soon after felt positive that we were at least making progress. They hoped to book me in within the next three months and I accepted that I was just going to have to wait a little longer for my bundle of joy.
For the first time in a year I stopped taking my supplements and setting my alarm for 5am to take my temperature. I drank without feeling guilty that I might be pregnant and ate as much sushi as I wanted. I stopped counting and obsessing over days of my cycle and soon enough adjusted back to ‘normal’ life before getting pregnant had completely taken over our lives! We planned holidays that we had put off ‘just in case’ and I threw myself into my work and socialising again. It felt like a weight had been lifted.
At the end of the month we took a trip to Vienna. I knew I was due on at some point in the trip but honestly didn’t even notice until I was packing to come home that I hadn’t come on. Still though, the thought that I might be pregnant didn’t enter my head – I had been disappointed too many times.
We returned home from the trip to the devastating news that my Nan had passed while we were away. About a week later my Dad made a comment that sometimes someone has to leave the family to make room for a new family member. It wasn’t until he said that, that I suddenly realised that I was now over a week late. I decided that the next morning I would take a test – but honestly it was more to stop myself getting carried away than actually believing I might be pregnant.
If you haven’t guessed it already, yes that day was the day that the magic cross appeared! Followed up by several other tests (5 in total!) we couldn’t believe it – we were finally pregnant!
Now I know that to some people you will wonder what all the fuss is about?! For those of you who haven’t started trying yet or for the lucky ones who didn’t need to ‘start trying’ a year will not seem like a long time to wait. But I am sure there will be plenty of others that can relate. (I hope I’m not the only crazy obsessive person out there?!) Trying to conceive is all-consuming, it becomes the be all and end all and can easily completely take over your life.
I am also sure that there will be lots of people who will have dealt with it far better than me. I am by nature a complete worrier – Chris jokes that if I don’t have something to worry about I will find something! And maybe it’s true. All in all it took us about a year – which I know is perfectly normal but when you’re going through it, every month that passes feels like a lifetime and you can’t help but begin to wonder if it will ever happen.
I feel incredibly lucky and am so conscious not to take it for granted now that I am finally pregnant. You will never hear me moan about feeling sick, or tired or fat. I am truly grateful that is has happened for us and in the end the timing was perfect – My due date is my late Nan’s birthday – now if that’s not a sign I don’t know what is?!
Thank you for this post and for sharing your journey, so often this is the bit that’s ‘skipped’ online. My husband and I have been actively trying for a couple of months now and I completely get what you mean about feeling slightly obsessed and as if time is dragging! It really helps to hear stories like yours as it is good to put the time into perspective- doctors aren’t lying when they say ‘try for a year’! Though it especially doesn’t help that friends seem to fall pregnant so easily without even trying, and it also seems particularly cruel that as women we spend all our lives trying NOT to get pregnant and don’t take the decision to come off the pill lightly, only to find that all the time we were 50/50 about whether to come off or not was actually delaying things even further. But it’s so refreshing to hear your story and also your perspective is fantastic, I hope if and when it finally happens for me I will be able to follow your lead and feel super grateful for every twinge and tired moment as I will have wanted it for so long. Also good to hear that the best way really is to relax and book a holiday! Xx
Thank you lovely. I felt the same as you while we were trying, that I just wanted to read that someone else was getting impatient with it all! I would say definitely book a holiday, it amazes me how many people seem to finally fall pregnant when they stop thinking about it and start enjoying life! Wishing you lots of luck with everything x
I’m so happy for you Kate. To be due on your nan’s birthday is such a lovely sign. I hope you get to share details of your nursery designs nearer your due date. If it’s anything like your house it’ll be fabulous!
One thing I did want to say to you and anyone reading this who has struggled with fertility is don’t feel like you have to love every minute of being pregnant / a new mum or that you can’t complain when it’s hard. We had four miscarriages before we got to take our ‘lucky number 5’ home and whilst I’m thankful for her every day, it doesn’t mean the pregnancy and motherhood isn’t hard. The risk of PND is higher for those who’ve struggled with fertility / miscarriage and research suggests it’s because they put unrealistic pressure on themselves to enjoy every minute because they know how much of a gift they’ve been given. I hope you sail through pregnancy and have no cause to complain but if it gets hard just remember that it won’t make you seem ungrateful if you admit to having a bad day x
Thank you so much Kat 🙂 You’re absolutely right, and I very much doubt I will be able to make it through the entire pregnancy and certainly motherhood within complaining. There is absolutely no shame in having a whinge every now and then – very good point! So sorry to hear you had a difficult journey but I am so happy it all worked out for you in the end xx
Totally agree Kat, i’ve had 3 first trimester miscarriages and am now 5 months pregnant, but the pregnancy has been so hard. I’ve felt like i shouldn’t complain because i am so grateful that i am pregnant, but pregnancy can be a total bitch to deal with sometimes and if i’d kept it bottled up I can really see how it would start to have a bigger effect on me. Luckily my husband and friends have got used to my whinging about places hurting and me feeling sick!!
Good luck to all expectant mammas ? X
Congratulations Kate! It took us about 3 1/2 years to conceive so completely understand how hard it can be. During that time I was trying not to obsess about getting pregnant but not doing a very good job. It was as soon as I let go and actually started to accept it might not happen and that was ok that I fell pregnant! My son is almost 6 months old now and it’s now hard to remember what life was like before he arrived.
Thank you so much Sophie. It is so hard not to obsess over it isn’t it! I’m so glad it happened for you and you now have a beautiful 6 month old x
Congratulations and what a wonderful sign that your due date is on you Nan’s birthday. I can completely relate to your experience of coming off the pill- my first cycle was over 90 days, so many times we convinced ourselves I was pregnant. Cue many late night trips to asda and a small fortune in tests and a lot of hopes raised and dashed. It took about 6 months in total for us, which I know is good, but in that time I only had two cycles so I had convinced myself it would take years to happen if it ever did. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy 🙂 xxx
Thank you Lucy! I feel like there really should be more information out there about how long it can take your body to adjust coming off the pill. I know I would have come off a lot earlier had I known! Glad you only had to wait 6 months but I know even that probably felt like too long while you were trying! x
Reading this through the tears, as there’s so much to relate to. I’m so glad you’ve got your happy ending.
I’m sure your Nan would be so proud of you. x
Ah thank you so much Karen x
Congratulations! I could relate almost word for word what you’ve written here. I am 7 and a half months pregnant now, with that longed for baby.
I never realised how difficult it is to conceive, and how all consuming it can be. Family and friends have found it hard to empathise, which has led to some difficult times. But like you, it finally came when I diverted my attention to something else – a new job, and a new car in my case! Thank you for sharing your story, it’s been lovely to finally read a story similar to mine x
Thank you Mandy! And congratulations to you too – not long to go now for you! I think it can be very difficult for people who haven’t been through it to understand which only makes you feel more alone doesn’t it. I’m so glad you got your happy ending – and a new car and a new job too! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x
Thank you Kate! Nope not long at all, but so grateful for how things have turned out.
Absolutely, it was a very lonely time.
I’ve managed to find you on IG this morning, so I’ve said Hi there too. Take care and best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy x
So lovely to read such an honest post – when you see regular pregnancy announcements on
Facebook and instagram you just don’t know the story behind it – we’ve been trying for 9 months with no luck, so it is so encouraging to know that you’re not the only one going through it, and that there is light at the end of tunnel. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy xx
Thank you Anna. You’re right, you see all the announcements and just assume it happens right away for everyone but so often that is not the case. Wishing you lots of luck with everything, really hope it happens for you soon xx
As one of your friends I KNEW it would happen for you both eventually. Can’t wait to meet the new member of the family! Lots of love xx
Ah thanks lovely. Love you lots xx
Congratulations Kate! I completely understand what you are going through, all the ovulation kits, thermometers, constant checking on Dr Google for symptoms or ‘lack of symptoms’ on the one hand you know you are being irrational but on the other hand you’can’t help it’ and I’m a therapist in mental health so I should know better! It totally takes over your life and you feel so trapped especially when others fall pregnant quite quickly you are happy for them but devasted inside for yourself. It took us most of our 4 year marriage trying to have a baby, it was such a difficult time for us, me mainly because I think men can tend to be a bit more optimistic then us women are when it comes to fertility related issues. I remember the times I would cry and even argue with my husband about how I was feeling it was such a tough journey for us. We finally got pregnant and had a baby 11 weeks ago! We feel so lucky and although you remember the struggle because in some way it can make you who you are and even shape you as a parent because you remember that you aren’t one of those couples who just fell pregnant ‘every time you looked at each other’ ? it starts to become a distant memory. X
Thank you Somia, and thank you for sharing your story. I can imagine that must have been such a difficult time for you. You are definitely right than the men just don’t seem to get themselves as worked up as us women do, which can be a bit frustrating I found!! I’m so, so happy your story has a happy ending! xx
Thank you so much for sharing your story Kate. It’s so nice to have a conception story on here that touches on the struggle and emotions of trying to conceive. Did you find out whether you had PCOS? I only ask as I have been diagnosed this spring (accidently – not through trying to conceive). I am 28 and my husband and I werent planning on children just yet but given this news and the realisation that it could be a struggle, we decided to start not trying, rather than trying (if you know what I mean). Even then, I felt the obsession and disappointment setting in so I can imagine it can become all too time consuming when you have your heart set on becoming pregnant as soon as you can. 7 months later nothing has happened for us and I am really hoping it will happen naturally. Congratulations Kate and good luck for the rest of your pregnancy. X
Hi Sarah, thank you so much! The doctors think I do have PCOS although I don’t have any of the other symptoms other than long cycles. In my case it didn’t turn out to be too much of an issue so I really hope it is the same for you. Wishing you lots of luck with everything and thank you again xx
Yes the same for me too, the only symptom I really have is long cycles and my skin isn’t as clear as it was since coming off the pill. Thank you for your reply, your story has really helped. People don’t talk about struggles enough (myself included!) so it can often feel quite lonely. Thank you xxx
Such a great post Kate. And I felt like welling up when you said about being due on your nan’s birthday. Fate right there. So happy for you xx
Thank you so much Rebecca 🙂 xx
Hi Kate, congratulations! I only started following you on insta recently, lovely to hear a bit more about you. Although not so lovely that you had to go through what you did 🙁
We’re hoping to start trying for a family around the start of next year, so I decided to come off the pill about two months ago. My GOD no-one prepares you for it do they?! My emotions were all over the place…I just didn’t feel like me at all. Thankfully that has died down now but still in the midst of a mega long cycle. I am a worrier too (I worry if I’m not worrying about anything) so it’s reassuring to know that a lot of other people are struggling with cycles too. I feel a little silly commenting because we’re not actively trying yet (husband suggested I come off early due to my excessive worrying!), but just wanted to say thank you and congratulations anyway. xx
Thank you so much, I have to admit I was nervous putting such a personal post out there but I am so glad I have done it!
You’re right, they really do not warn you about the side effects of coming off the pill do they! I think you are very sensible to come off before you are quite ready to start trying, I wish I had. I really hope it happens quickly for you when you are ready xx
‘All-consuming’ – it sums it up perfectly! We were lucky in the end – it took us 6 months but that time was filled with all of the same emotions and ovulation/pregnancy tests as above, I wanted it so badly and felt like a complete failure. Just like you it was the month that I stopped taking my temperature, recording the data, didn’t take an early pregnancy test and just relaxed that it finally happened – got to be something in that!
I’m 2 months pregnant now so will love following your journey and getting any tips I can! Congratulations!
Thank you Amelia! I think even if it takes a month or two it probably always feel all-consuming! There is definitely something in relaxing and switching off from it but I know that can be so difficult to do when you are going through it. Huge congratulations on your pregnancy! xx
Hi Kate
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m going to be totally honest and say that when I saw your pregnancy announcement on Instagram I thought ‘Oh great another person I’m going to have to unfollow as they’ve just fallen pregnant easily and I can’t bear it’ I didn’t unfollow you, I love your house too much! But as you’ve been through a very similar journey to me I’m sure you can relate to feeling that way at some point. It’s easy to think that everyone else finds it easy when actually a lot of people do struggle to conceive. After almost 4 years, an endo diagnosis, surgery, clomid… we are preparing for ivf in the new year. Fingers crossed we get our blue cross in 2017!
I really wish you all the best with your pregnancy, and what a special due date. X
Hi Jen, I can absolutely relate to how you felt – I have to admit to unfollowing several accounts because I just couldn’t deal with it! Thank you for sticking with me, I always try to be mindful of how much I post about being pregnant as I know it’s tough for others still trying. I wish you all the luck in the world with your IVF and really hope you get your cross next year as you say! xx
Thanks for sharing your story Kate.
My husband and I are now at the stage where we are thinking about trying. I came off the pill in February as I knew from friends how long it can take your body to re-adjust after being on the pill – we have been using other contraception until now. My cycle seems to be into a monthly routine now but it has taken about 9 months so I am glad I did this before we were ready to start trying. Good luck for the remainder of the pregnancy xx
Thank you Carly. It’s good that you knew from friends how long it takes to adjust to coming off the pill – I wish I had known! Wishing you lots of luck when you do start trying xx
Thank-you Kate for sharing your story, I cried whilst reading it and I’m so happy for you. I feel your story is also my story, without the being pregnant bit…. But I also believe in fate (not that I’m waiting for someone to die!!!) maybe I need to chill out and forget about it all too. Although how I’m unsure ??? xxx
Thank you so much Debbie. I am a huge believer in fate, I’m sure that it will happen for you when the time is right! I know too well how difficult it is to relax about it (and people telling you to do so all the time really doesn’t help does it!) I think you just get to a stage where you do. Here’s hoping you will get your blue cross very soon! xx
Thank-you Kate.
I have visited a local Chinese Doctor and she was wonderful. I have a course of herbal tablets to take to remove Endometriosis (even though I had a horrible operation to remove it). Hopefully after two months, I can then go onto a herbal pregnancy tablet. The Dr told me some amazing stories of other women who did the same treatment. I’ve also started reflexology for some relaxation. I’m excited!
Glad your doing well, not long to go either 🙂 x
Congratulations Kate! So happy for you and thank you for sharing your story. It’s so easy to assume everything goes well for other people while we don’t know the whole story. TTC can be so tough if it doesn’t happen quickly and yet it’s not something many people tend to share with others, just like the unpleasant early pregnancy symptoms. Hope it all goes swimmingly for you and looking forward to following your pregnancy journey. x
Thank you so much Kat. You’re right, you just assume it happens easily for everyone but so often that is not the case. Thank you again xx
I can totally relate to this, thanks so much for sharing (you have made me feel normal!).
After what felt like a very long year and a half of trying, I can finally say I’m pregnant too, and feeling so blessed- we too thought it would never happened.
I love your honesty (and not to mention your home), here’s to a very happy pregnancy! 🙂
Ah thank you Nicola! All of your lovely comments have made me feel normal too!! I’m so happy to hear you aren’t pregnant too! Huge congratulations! xx
Hi Kate, congratulations on your wonderful news. Hope you’re feeling well. We had been trying for just under a year too and can quite easily resonate with how trying to conceive can slowly take over your life! I had been on the pill for 17 years but luckily fell straight into 28 day cycles. I thought we’d have no problem! Every month that went by I just kept questioning what could be wrong, was my body more broken than I thought!? After 6 months I turned to fertility accupuncture which has been wonderful for managing my emotions throughout this experience. I’d fully recommend it to any other ladies going through all the worry and stress of trying for a baby. We have just had a positive test result this weekend so we are over the moon. I’m only just over 5 weeks so very anxious at such early stages (hence my anonimity in this comment, we haven’t actually told anyone yet but I’m bursting!). Best of luck to all of you that are going through this, there are some real positive stories out there that keep you going when it’s tough. Stories like these bring real optimism, don’t ever feel that you’re alone in your struggles. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well Kate. X
Thank you so much, and a massive congratulations on your pregnancy! I know it seems scary so early on (I talk about that a lot in my second post!!) Hope you are feeling well and here’s to a happy, healthy pregnancy! Congratulations again xx
Thanks Kate. We also lost my grandad at the end of September, maybe this was what was meant to be. Your dad is absolutely right! xx
I am sorry to hear that. There definitely seems to be some truth in that saying though doesn’t there xx
Congratulations Kate! So lovely that you are due on your Nan’s birthday, that’s very special.
I can totally relate to your story. When we started trying for our first baby I was told repeatedly by family members that ‘we are very fertile family, you will be fine’. One by one my friends all fell pregnant immediately. I had mysterious abdominal pain, which after lots of testing was inconclusive and put down to ovulation pain but this didn’t help the ‘relaxed state of mind’ one is supposed to have. 9 months later I fell pregnant and my son is now 2. I never take for granted the miracle of conceiving as for some people it can take so long with all sorts of complications. We’re now trying for number 2. Cue people telling me ‘oh it will happen much faster 2nd time round’. We’ll see I guess! I was the same as you with downloading all the apps and obsessing over period cycles (mine are anything from 27 – 40 days) This time we are trying to play it cool but at the end of the day, its hard to not get stressed about it when you want it so much.
Thank you so much Katie. Oh family kept telling me that too – it’s really not very helpful is it and just seems to add to the pressure! I’m so happy to hear you have your beautiful son now and hope number 2 happens for you soon! Thanks for taking the time to comment xx
What a lovely post. Congratulations Kate, I follow your insta religiously and look forward to next year when there’s a tiny new addition to your beautiful home. My hubby and I have just decided to try for a baby after a year of upheaval we are feeling like it’s the right time but now I have ‘the fear’ and am worried about how long it will take and about all the things I should probaby start doing (or stop doing!) so it’s very daunting. I don’t know whether to change nothing or change EVERYTHING. Also worried about being 35 and how long it will take, my mum had 4 kids by the time she was my age. I will be following your story and thank you for sharing the fact that it’s not as easy as we are all led to believe. X
Thank you so much Rachel! I know it’s easier said than done but my advice would be just carry on as normal, don’t change anything. The more we cut back / give up things I think the more we just put pressure on ourselves. I wish you lots of luck with everything and hope it happens nice and quickly for you xx
This is a great post Kate! Thank you so much for sharing. I can really relate to everything you went through. I was totally sure that it would happen straight away…it didn’t! 9 months felt like a very long and frustrating time trying and I’m not sure that peeing on those sticks, obsessing over dates on apps or reading ttc instagram accounts helped in any way. Sadly for us the first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, but I’m delighted to be 7 weeks pregnant now and cautiously optimistic! Though it pains me to say it (people telling me to ‘relax and it will just happen’ did not make me relax) I do think that calming down, deleting the apps and throwing away the sticks did help for me. This time it happened when we decided to take a break from trying for a couple of months and it was a huge surprise to see those 2 lines when I finally realised my period hadn’t turned up! Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy Xxx
Thank you so much. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss but so pleased to hear that you are pregnant again and feeling positive. I am so with you in hating to admit that relaxing did eventually mean that it happened, as I know how unhelpful it is to hear that when you are trying! I wish you all the best with your pregnancy xx
Kate, it’s good to share and this was a story that resonated with me. It took my husband and I around 5 months to conceive, I was 34. We also conceived when we were on holiday, soaking up all that vitamin D in Sardinia. I was relaxed, well rested and wasn’t thinking about work, I think that played a big part. My little one is now 7mths and we feel very blessed to have him in our lives.
Hi Nicola, our bodies definitely function better when we are relaxed! What a wonderful excuse for us all to take more holidays 🙂 Congratulations on your beautiful baby x
Fantastic post! No one ever speaks about how long it takes them personally to get pregnant. All you ever hear is the ‘ we fell pregnant straight away’ stories. Even my best friend, who told everyone they fell pregnant first time, recently told me they had been trying a bit before!
I was definitely with you though, ovulation kits, apps, all sorts of gels! And low and behold the month I decided to focus on moving house, we fell… everyone tells you to ‘stop trying’ but you can’t (wel I couldn’t anyway until something took over my focus).
Now 3 and a half months pregnant so just behind you! Wishing you all the best for the next few months x
Hi Evie, Thank you so much for your comment. I agree – all I seemed to hear was how quickly it happened for people, not particularly comforting when it’s not the case for you!
Oh yes how could I forget the gels! You’re so right, everyone tells you to relax and it will happen but until you find something to distract yourself with I think it is impossible! Huge congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope that you are keeping well and enjoying every minute xx
Fantastic post Kate and congratulations what fantastic news and what a beautiful house you have! I have a rare genetic condition which although fine in me could result in a poorly baby so my husband and I have decided to go down the IVF route where they can select the healthy embryos. I resonate with the waiting aspect of your post, we are waiting until the hospital are ready. Friends around me are becoming pregnant which is fantastic but there is an element of why me! It’s a strange feeling not being able to even try but I am sure the wait will be worth it and I cannot wait! We are keeping ourselves busy and planning an adventure in the meantime! Wishing you lots of luck for the rest of your pregnancy! xx
Thank you so much, that’s so kind of you to say. I’m so sorry to hear you are having a difficult journey. As you say, the wait will be worth it in the end and like me you will be so very grateful when it does happen. In the meantime enjoy your adventures. I wish you all the luck in the world with your IVF journey x
Congratulations Kate!! I can definitely relate, while it didn’t take us as long to get pregnant, the awful feeling of seeing your period when you were hoping to be pregnant is terrible, whether you have been trying for 1 month or years… My beloved godmother also passed away around the time I got pregnant, I definitely think there is something about a new life and a life passing at the same time. Although I sincerely hope this isn’t the case every time, at least in terms of knowing someone personally, as that seems like a mighty unfair rule… Something about finally relaxing also seems to ring so true with many of my friends. Good luck with your pregnancy and I look forward to more updates! x
Thank you so much Annie. You’re absolutely right, every month feels like an eternity when you are desperate for a baby. I’m so sorry to hear about your Godmother but what a wonderful gift she left you xx
Thank you for sharing your conception journey Kate. It was so honest and informative, It’s so interesting that everyone has such different experiences. I’ve recently come off the pill as my boyfriend and I would like to start trying for a baby. My cycle is still unpredictable and I’ve had some problems (not with conceiving but in that area) so have been referred to a Gynecologist. I’m worried about my appointment but just want things to be sorted and have some answers so that hopefully next year I can relax and start trying but not put too much pressure on myself! It’s been oddly comforting reading your experience and other comments to see that it’s not always easy to conceive and does take time but does happen in some way or another x x
Hi Jess, thank you so much for your comment. Sorry to hear you have been having gyny issues, I know all about those! From my experience, they do not necessarily mean that you will have trouble conceiving so please try not to worry. I hope you get some answers soon and wish you lots of luck when you do start trying next year xx
Congratulations Kate! I am almost 14 weeks pregnant with my first, so looking forward to keeping up with your diary. I’m constantly excited and nervous, and frankly just relieved to be able to tell people. I’m off to hunt down your insta 🙂
Thank you Jools, and huge congratulations to you too! Here’s to happy healthy pregnancies for the both of us xx
Hi Kate, thanks for sharing your story. Similar to others above, I also nearly deleted you on Insta when I saw your announcement thinking “here’s another one that’s got pregnant without even trying!” It’s amazing how we judge when we don’t know the full story, and I feel I should apologise to you for even thinking that.
Anyway, your story is my story (without the pregnant bit as I’m still not). Not booking holidays/trips “just in case”, taking my BBT at 6am every day, peeing on sticks daily, spending a fortune on weekly acupuncture, checking my mucus (sorry TMI!) and becoming my own Dr via Google (very bad!) blah blah…
I came off the pill about 20 months ago and didn’t have a period for 8 months!!! Then for the following 6 months I only had 2 cycles (over 60 days long), and then they were all over the place, a random 23 days cycle, then 60, 30, 45, 38…….no regularity whatsoever. Because of this I was advised by a friend to start doing ovulation tests, which I did, but this opened up a whole new world of stress. Something that I feel isn’t given enough attention is the impact on the man. Some people have said above about how it doesn’t affect them because they remain positive, but in my case it was the opposite. Because of my irregular and long cycles, when I got a positive OPK, the pressure my husband felt to “perform” was so much that we had a few DNF scenarios (did not finish). He’s a sensitive guy and didn’t take too well to me forcing him to have sex because a stick told us to! This caused a lot of arguments and tears. For months I just felt like our inability to conceive was due to him not being “in the mood” and willing to perform at the right times. The strain this put on us emotionally was awful.
So for the past 2 months, I’ve stopped all of it. No thermometer, no sticks, no pressure. I’m still taking my vits and continued with acupuncture as I enjoy it, but I’m just going to relax now and hopefully it will happen one day when we least expect it.
Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy. x
Hi Natalie, thank you for such an honest comment. Please don’t feel that you must apologise as I can totally relate and have myself unfollowed people for the same reason! (Thank you for sticking with me by the way!)
I’m so sorry that you and your husband have had a difficult time. You’re right, we shouldn’t assume that it is easier on the men as that is clearly not always the case. Trying to conceive and the schedule that comes with it puts enormous pressure on couples. I think you are far better to stop all of the temping and ovulation kits and just see what happens. And I bet that this makes all the difference for you! I really do wish you all the luck in the world and hope it happens for you very soon xx
Love this story. Remarkably similar with my baby and grandad. We’d lost two pregnancies and one fallopian tube on our journey but then along came this pregnancy. With my due date on my grandads birthday. Luckily he looked after this one so well that she’s now 10 weeks old. My top tip before your baby arrives – sleep and mini break like crazy (with oodles of alone time together)!!
Ah congratulations on your beautiful new baby Rebecca. Your Grandad clearly did a great job of looking after her – how lovely. Ooh thanks for the tip – will make sure we got lots of mini breaks in! xx
Thanks for sharing Kate, and congratulations! I can relate to a lot of your post – it took us 10 months of trying which felt sooooo long at the time but looking back is not that much in the grand scheme of things (our little man is almost 11 months now!) I’m a worrier too though so every month would convince myself something was wrong! I do feel that it having taken a little while has made me more conscious than I was of what others may be going through, so I try to be sensitive in anything I might share online, and try not to complain too much (e.g. about lack of sleep) directly to those who are trying themselves. I think a post like this one would have helped me be more positive when we were still trying – so often I would read worrying stuff on forums (yes, my doctor told me not to Google things but did I listen?! Of course not!) but you have to remember that people often post on forums etc when they are struggling, but when things are going well they are too distracted/busy to go back and join those same conversations! Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy journey! Xx
Thank you so much Amanda. I agree looking back it doesn’t feel like it was all that long but at the time it feels like an eternity doesn’t it! And I definitely agree that it makes you more conscious about what you put out there. There’s nothing worse than hearing a pregnant lady complain when you are desperate to be pregnant yourself is there, so like you I always try and be mindful of that. Excellent point about forums too, they can be so dangerous I think! Thank you again xx
Congratulations Kate and thank you so much to you and everyone who has shared their experiences on here. You’re all totally right that there is not enough info out there about the side affects of stopping the pill. “Your body may take up to six months to adjust”…what a load of bollocks! My first cycle was 70 days and after nearly 8 months they’re sort of around 40. My once clear skin is also horrendous now. I was so adamant that I shouldn’t stop sooner in case getting pregnant interfered with travelling and house buying plans that we had. If I’d known I would have come off a lot sooner! Hindsight huh?
Struggling while my two best friends and sister got instantly pregnant (literally first try for all three of them!!) has been so hard and lonely. Reading this has given me such a positive boost and encouraged me that I’m doing the right thing in trying to relax and let go of the ovulation sticks, I not sure if I’m ready to let go of the apps… I sent my husband (even more of a worrier than I am!) this link and it really cheered him up, so thanks from him too!
Oh and finally, your house is amazing! So much inspiration for once we’ve moved on Friday 🙂
Massive congratulations to you Kate, looking forward to following your journey ?
I think a huge conversation needs to be had about the Pill and its effects- I came off due to migraines long before we were thinking of having a baby and experienced all sorts of unpleasant symptoms (all of which were not taken seriously by a male GP…) on a variety of pill brands before just giving up and trying barrier methods. Given that trials of the male pill have been halted due to side effects considered as par for the course for us ladies it’s a massive equality issue.
Also so pleased to read in comments that people have enjoyed and benefited from acupuncture- my Mum is an acupuncturist and feels so much joy in supporting people through ttc and ivf.
Thank you Lucy. You’re right, I’m not sure why doctors are so reluctant to accept that many of us experience horrible side effects from the pill, there definitely should be more information out there. I hope your unpleasant symptoms are easing xx
Six years ago now… and a little lady and a growing bump later! Looking back I can’t believe I was on it for almost a decade- crazy.
Cannot wait to see your nursery ??
You’re so right Lucy. I’ve come off the pill over 5 years ago for the same reason (it really helped – I still get the odd one but so much less than before) and I did try quite a few different brands without much success. It must be working out alright for a lot of ladies out there but I seriously don’t know that many who have gone back on the pill after having children. I don’t think I ever will anyway, best leaving my hormones alone for now.
Thank you so much Francesca – such a lovely thing to say! There really should be more information available about coming off the pill, I totally agree. I too wanted to wait until I thought we were absolutely ready but had I known it would take so long I would have come off months ago! I know it’s hard to let go of the ovulation kits and apps but I bet it will be the best thing you do! I’m keeping everything crossed for you that it happens very soon. And good luck with the move!! Thanks again for your comments xx
Hi Kate,
So many tears whilst reading this! Like many others I too can relate to almost everything you have said!
I’ve been trying for nearly a year and recently had the all clear following a fertility MOT! Only obstacle is that my uterous faces the wrong way (can’t remember the terminology for it!) This was great news to have but equally I’m still like ok so why hasn’t it happened then!! I guess I’m just desperate for there to be a reason.
I have wondered for a while now if I have endo, my doctor says no as I don’t have pains and discomfort throughout the month but I have horrendously heavy periods which can be painful. You said you didn’t suffer greatly from it either which is interesting?
I’ve also started acupuncture which I love and will
definitely carry on with but since reading this post you have inspired me to drop all the vitamins, ovulation tests and temperature taking! I’ve also decided to stop discussing it all the time with the people I have shared with as it makes it seem like more of a problem when in reality it can take a long time to conceive, I know my husband is there to talk if I need to but I’m feeling focussed now to stop being miserable over the situation and to just chill out so thay hopefully our day will come. I forwarded this post to my husband and told him that clearly the moral of the story is that we need a holiday ?
Wishing you all the best of luck with your pregnancy, such wonderful news. Thank you so much for your post too, great words of wisdom!
x x
Thank you so much for your comment. I know it seems like the longest time but I guess we have to remind ourselves that doctors do say a year or more is normal. It’s just so difficult when you’re going through it isn’t it.
I didn’t have any symptoms of endometriosis until a few years ago when I had some bleeding between periods. I think it could be possible to have it without symptoms though.
I definitely think it’s a good idea to stop talking about it, and stop all the kits of vitamins. The less you talk about it the less of a focus it becomes and slowly you will start to forget about it, I know it worked for me! I wish you lots of luck and really hope it happens for you soon xx
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us all 🙂
I find the lack of information on how your long your body takes to regulate after being on contraception is really unhelpful. Understandably they have to say that you are not covered once you come off contraception and every woman’s body is different but I feel like you could get more information to equip you to make informed decisions.
I am on the implant and there is no information or conversation about how it will effect my body getting it removed. For the last 5 years I have had the implant which has meant no real periods and really random bleeding, normally light, often average and once horrendously heavy. So I have no idea what normal for me even is any more and I have come to feel like I don’t know my own body anymore but too scared to get it removed.
sorry for the ramble….
Hi Stef, I couldn’t agree more. I think there needs to be a lot more information available about the effects of contraceptives on our bodies so that we can all make informed decisions about when and which to use them (and when to come off!) I felt the same as you, that I didn’t know what was normal for me. I had been on the pill for 15 years so really couldn’t remember what my cycles were like before that! I hope you find something that works for you soon. Thank you for taking the time to comment x
Hi Kate, I have been following you on insta for a while (for all your lovely house pics!) and have only just seen this post. It is so refreshing to hear of your story. Me and my husband have been trying for a baby for 11 months now. It has been the most toughest 11 months of our life, you can feel so alone in the process when everyone around you seem to have no problems conceiving. I can completely relate to you when you talk about how much it consumes your life, at times I forget who I am when a day doesn’t go by without crying about it all. Your post has given me hope and inspired me to try and ‘get on’ with life a little 🙂 Huge Congrats, I hope the rest of your journey goes well and brings you much happiness xx
It’s so refreshing to find a story like this on the internet – we only just made the decision to start trying and I threw myself into it too in the hope we’d be one of those lucky ones who it just takes to first time. In reality, i knew it was probably too late in my cycle but i analysed everything after with that all too desperate hope. Having mother nature turn up yesterday was a cruel reminder that this is the one thing that’s out of my control. We’re hoping that the good feelings for next month combined with a trip to Vienna and Christmas will give us the luck we want but otherwise it’s so hard to try and chill out when you want it so much. I’ll try to take the advice to relax and let mother nature do her job – when it’s right it’ll be right. I’ve got a mix of people who fell pregnant within 1/2 months and some who took 6 months + for their first – but its not something hugely discussed – plus I’ve not many friends who have had kids yet. I’ve followed you on Insta too now – so maybe i’ll just use some inspiration and get back onto my house decoration pinterest board rather than baby pinning! 😀 Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I can’t wait to see the updates x